How to let go?

[mlh1026]

A lot of my anxiety stems from crap that happened to me as a child: various kinds of abuse, and my trying to be perfect so my parents would love me or be proud of me. They never were/are and I know they're not capable and they're mentally ill, but I keep trying to be perfect anyway. My therapist says I need to let go of the idea that my parents will ever love me or be proud of me, and I need to mourn the loss of my childhood.

How the hell do I do that? Anybody have a clue?

[Robbed]

What did your therapist say about 'letting go'? Did your therapist give you any ideas?

[mlh1026]

Unfortunately all he said was that I needed a couple weeks to think about it! I have no clue how to even begin this process. I know how to grieve for the loss of a person, but for the loss of an idea...no clue.

[mlh1026]

I've been angry w/ my parents for years. I've hated them for years for the things they did to me, but felt obligated to have a relationship w/ them b/c they're my "parents." I have had 2 different therapists say that I've never actually dealt w/ the feelings I have about being abused. Instead I've just gone on w/ life and done what needed to be done. I've never been able to properly form relationships w/ others due to the abuse and the dysfunctionality of my family.

I am unable to accept things as they are and move on w/o anger. So in my case, I think my therapist is actually right. I have a really hard time letting go of things, and I blame myself for things that go wrong in my life when I may/may not be to blame. It's a vicious cycle. I know that my parents are crazy and that I didn't deserve what they did to me, but every time I get even an email from them, I'm a little kid again. How in the hell do I stop doing that?! I feel like I'm constantly looking for replacement parents in other people, but I cannot form relationships w/ people for fear they wont' really love me and will crap all over me, just like my parents did.

I can completely relate to what you did w/ your father. All I ever wanted was for my parents to tell me that I did one thing good. One thing! Instead all I ever got was, "You're not that bright,and not that attractive, so you'll really hafta work your ass off to succeed in life, if that ever happens we'll be surprised since you can't even tell your right from your left...etc.," Or, " your ass is fat. noone will ever want you like that." At the time, I weighed 100 lbs, and I'm 5'2".

I know, I know they took my power and control from me and they were absolutely and are absolutely insane, but how do I let the past go? I think I'm afraid of what will happen if I do. I've been going thru life like this for so long, I don't know how to begin. My kids will hardly ever know my parents except for b-day cards and holiday gifts and such. They will probably never see them, and as grandparents...they're great. As parents...awful.

Do I write a letter to them and burn it or something? I just don't know how to begin. Do I delete every email they send and never answer the phone when they call until I can handle it? The guilt is kind of overwhelming. They're in bad health.

I just want to scream. I've been angry about this for so long.