ellawag4
04-19-2011, 09:06 PM
Hello! I have had anxiety since I was very little, but it started to take a greater toll on me as I got older. I went through a lot of problems with friends and was always a little depressed but could mostly shake it off. That is, until I went to college. I got here and everything was going perfectly. I was swimming really well on a Division One Team, I have an amazing boyfriend that I am so in love with, great friends, and good grades. But I absolutely hated swimming and I wasn't happy. I also went through a few problems with my boyfriend because he got scared to be in a relationship, but everything got better and we were right where we used to be.
After a while, I couldn't handle swimming anymore and decided to quit after thirteen years. I had a major identity crisis and started to doubt everything. This includes my choice of college and whether I should go to school at home, my friends, and even my boyfriend. It's not that I doubt that I love him or that I want to be with him, but I am legitimately doubting EVERYTHING. It is really frustrating and questions are constantly going through my head about if I'm doing something wrong. I started crying a lot and never wanted to go out. I felt like I lost my friends and started to feel constantly anxious about my school choice, not swimming and my boyfriend.
I know I made the right decision in quitting swimming, but it is just a really hard transition, and I want all these doubts, especially about my relationship, to go away! I have been really depressed and never want to socialize anymore. I have talked to my boyfriend and he is so understanding and amazing about it and knows that I am just going through something. He does not take offense or anything like that. That's when I realized something, ever since I was little, if one thing went wrong, I thought everything was wrong! Like, if I lost one friend, I would say I had no friends, wanted to change schools or move out of my state. I think I am depressed and have anxiety, and wanted to know if this was normal and what I can do to make all of this anxiety stop I just want to be happy again. I love my boyfriend and my school, so why am I having doubts about things that are perfectly fine?! I don't get it! Questions are constantly running through my mind like "do i love him?" or "can you handle a relationship" or "should i break up with him?" even though I do love him and do not want to break up with him. I want the thoughts to stop.
Do I need therapy or medication? I don't want to live like this anymore, I want the anxiety to go away. The thing is, I know these thoughts are dumb and irrational and not true. But I can't stop them from running through my mind, and it is the most frustrating thing in the world :(
After a while, I couldn't handle swimming anymore and decided to quit after thirteen years. I had a major identity crisis and started to doubt everything. This includes my choice of college and whether I should go to school at home, my friends, and even my boyfriend. It's not that I doubt that I love him or that I want to be with him, but I am legitimately doubting EVERYTHING. It is really frustrating and questions are constantly going through my head about if I'm doing something wrong. I started crying a lot and never wanted to go out. I felt like I lost my friends and started to feel constantly anxious about my school choice, not swimming and my boyfriend.
I know I made the right decision in quitting swimming, but it is just a really hard transition, and I want all these doubts, especially about my relationship, to go away! I have been really depressed and never want to socialize anymore. I have talked to my boyfriend and he is so understanding and amazing about it and knows that I am just going through something. He does not take offense or anything like that. That's when I realized something, ever since I was little, if one thing went wrong, I thought everything was wrong! Like, if I lost one friend, I would say I had no friends, wanted to change schools or move out of my state. I think I am depressed and have anxiety, and wanted to know if this was normal and what I can do to make all of this anxiety stop I just want to be happy again. I love my boyfriend and my school, so why am I having doubts about things that are perfectly fine?! I don't get it! Questions are constantly running through my mind like "do i love him?" or "can you handle a relationship" or "should i break up with him?" even though I do love him and do not want to break up with him. I want the thoughts to stop.
Do I need therapy or medication? I don't want to live like this anymore, I want the anxiety to go away. The thing is, I know these thoughts are dumb and irrational and not true. But I can't stop them from running through my mind, and it is the most frustrating thing in the world :(