MY JOURNEY-Baby Steps Solving my Agoraphobia

[lira]

I posted here before about my situation :

http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showthread.php?7407-%28Please-help%29I-feel-Crippled-by-Anxiety-amp-Fear..I-want-to-Become-Normal-%28crying%29

I had anxiety and I am currently agoraphobic. I spent the last 2 weeks at home and now I am trying to solve my agoraphobia, taking baby steps going out of the house again.

I started last week with a small trip to a food stall 3-4 minutes walking away from home. It used to be so frightening, but then I succeeded going there without going panic.

Second step, is going to the grocery store, 8 minutes away from my house. It was frightening at first and I almost wanted to flee back home.But I persisted, and slowly feel more calm, then continued my shopping.

Last week I also went for a weekend getaway, stayed at a bed & breakfast 20 minutes driving from home. Was anxious during dinner time, and wanted to fetch a cab ride and go home to my comfort zone, but I persist. It turned out to be a good weekend.

Today..I just return from Coffee at the Mall with my friend. 15 minutes away from home. I was so anxious but I also want to face my fear. As soon as I sit in the coffee shop, facing the crowd, my agoraphobia kicked in. Then I changed my seat and felt a tad better. I kept calling my BF as soon as I feel panic..and it helped me calm down.

I plan only to have coffee, dinner and shop for a belt (want to use it for job interview) at the mall. Maximum 2 hours and go home. Turned out, I spent 4,5 hours at the mall today, that's longer than planned! I took vitamin B and bring my valerian pill just in case. I didn't took the Valerian because it makes me sleepy. Overall I had a good time.

So far..I keep on trying..baby steps. Please wish me luck and I will always update my experience, until I am completely solving this.

[lira]

Next Plan : Lunch & Movie at the mall (10 mins away from Home) with friend Tomorrow

That's my next plan for tomorrow. Please wish me luck. I will also post the result here. I am happy for this forum, I get inspired reading your experiences and I also want to get better.

[lira]

Update on Movie & Lunch at Mall
It took me 2 hours to self talk myself & get ready. I start to chase anxiety thoughts away by focusing my mind on the latest fashions at the mall. It helps. I get excited when I am on the way because I want to see the latest trends.
I felt a bit anxious when eating and feel somewhat weak..but I am doing good so far. I am glad I went out and met my friend. This gives me a boost of confidence regarding this anxiety.

Next Plan : Job interview 25 mins away from home
Today is the big day, in a few hours I have to attend a job interview 25 mins away from home. The boss is a motivational speaker. His sister told him about my condition briefly, so on my interview I can explain more and hope that he can help me overcome this. I'm anxious and sometimes feel weak when I am anxious (because feeling anxious is energy consuming).Please wish me luck and wish me the best with the interview. I need to work again. I hope I can overcome this. Fingers crossed. I will post the results when I come back.

[lira]

Update on Job Interview
It was anxious in the beginning, when going to the place, etc. My employer is also a motivational coach..so he also understand how to deal with anxiety problems. I told him about my condition and he is very understanding. That gives me relief. I want to be active again and have a schedule again, so we are working on that. I spent 3-4 hours at the office that time and was comfortable gradually and going home calm

Next : Attending my First Work Meeting (after being unemployed for a year)
Today is my first work meeting. I am preparing to leave home. It's raining heavily outside so must be traffic jam. I am feeling a bit nauseaus but I try to overcome it by drinking warm tea. It will be a 25 mins journey to the office and I hope everything will be good & calm. Please wish me luck! I will update u on my progress as I return home from the meeting :) Go me!

[Robbed]

Update on Job Interview
It was anxious in the beginning, when going to the place, etc. My employer is also a motivational coach..so he also understand how to deal with anxiety problems. I told him about my condition and he is very understanding. That gives me relief. I want to be active again and have a schedule again, so we are working on that. I spent 3-4 hours at the office that time and was comfortable gradually and going home calm

Sounds like you found yourself one hell of an employer. I honestly cannot imagine ANY of the people who have EVER interviewed me being so understanding. I couldn't see them looking at having an anxiety disorder as ANYTHING but a total liability and every reason to pass me up for someone who has it more 'together'.

[lira]

Update on Work Meeting Results
The journey to the meeting was in the midst of rain storm and bad weather. Traffic jam everywhere. I was a tad anxious but my good friend was there to company me and give moral support. She played audio books and calming meditative sounds. It really helped making the trip a breeze. When in the meeting, I feel a tad anxious due to cold weather but after sipping hot tea and manage to stay calm & get dinner on time, I feel at ease. The whole day was smooth and I was relieved.

Next Upcoming : Attending my First Job (Night Shift)
My boss is doing a radio show on motivation (recording)and the session is done once a week, every Sunday starting from 8-11 evening. I'm so anxious because I will be doing the journey from home to the studio myself (25 minutes by car). I have to be present because there are guests on the show who need briefing and I have to hand them the materials which I prepared. I need to leave in 15 minutes. I am anxious. I already prepare water, snacks, and my partner will company me by phone during the 25 minute trip (he lives far away from me, and he can't fetch me to the studio, because he's also working evening).

I was hesitant to go because 3 hours seem like long. But I am trying to encourage myself now. I am feeling a bit unwell perhaps because of lack of sleep. Last night I was up late, chatting on internet with some old friends. I need to manage my life better and have better sleep, before midnight. I will arrive home around 11.30 PM and will inform you how it goes. Please wish me luck. I can do it!

[lira]

Sounds like you found yourself one hell of an employer. I honestly cannot imagine ANY of the people who have EVER interviewed me being so understanding. I couldn't see them looking at having an anxiety disorder as ANYTHING but a total liability and every reason to pass me up for someone who has it more 'together'.

Thanks Robbed, when I get the job opportunity from the motivational coach's sister (who knew about my condition), I was positive about it. I will begin assisting him on recording radio motivational shows on Sundays, evening hours 8-11.

He told me..that if I start to feel comfortable then gradually my work load and attendance will increase. I'm grateful for this opportunity.

[lira]

Update: Return from Night Shift
As I promised, I am back. I was anxious before on the way and keep thinking "What if I pass out at the studio? 3 hours is a long time! I prefer to be at home in my comfort zone".
When I arrived, I met my boss' wife (she had anemia and passed out few times before, just like me)..and told her about my fears of passing out. She, along with her husband was very supportive and keep reminding me to breathe calm. The show guests were also very friendly. It took me awhile to get comfortable and not worry about passing out or losing breath.. and things turned out to be smooth and the ride home was also fast. I am feeling so much better. I made it today :) As I promised, I posted here immediately. I am going to bed now. See u tomorrow, board.

[lira]

Attending Business Meeting on 23 March 2011
I assist my Boss attending a Business Meeting, at 10-14 o clock. I felt a bit weak and dizzy because lack of sleep, and feel a bit anxious. But I persist and went. The meeting was smooth and I went home, feeling tired. Take B-complex, and feel more fresh until late evening. I will keep on going and posting my progress here, so I can also monitor myself. Let's beat this and get our life back, in order & achieve success!