Boyfriend caused a panic attack?

[AkiKaza]

Hi! ^^ I'm new here~ I really need help with this, sorry it's so long...

I’m 17 years old, my boyfriend is 18. A month ago, I had a panic attack. I was out with my boyfriend and he was bringing me back home when it happened. Earlier that day, about half an hour before he came to get me, I started shaking and sweating, and my voice was really shaky. I couldn’t walk straight and bumped into several things. I tried to sit down and sing to calm myself, but it didn’t really work.

We were out for about 3 hours. I was trembling the entire time. Before we left he asked to kiss me and I told him no. I didn’t want to. (I’ve kissed him before, so I don’t know why.) In the car on the way home I started getting really anxious. When we were about a minute away from my house, I went really still and silent. My whole body was tense and clinched, and I couldn’t talk. He was asking me if I was alright and what’s wrong, but I couldn’t answer him, all I could do was shake my head no. I was freaking out because I didn’t know what was wrong with me. All of a sudden my mind went blank and my body went limp and slumped over in the seat. I was still shaking, but much worse than before now. I don’t know what happened. I remember, but it’s faint and detached, like I wasn’t really there. I was shaking horribly, and my heart was racing, and I couldn’t breathe so I started to hyperventilate, and I felt trapped, and I remember hearing him telling me, “It’s okay, you’re okay,” but every time I heard it, I don’t know why but it only got worse… I calmed down a few minutes later. I asked him later exactly what happened because I couldn’t remember. He said I started breathing heavier, that my eyes got wider, that I had a sort of blank and terrified expression on my face, and that my heart was pounding…

I haven’t had anything like this before, nor since. I also haven’t seen him since this happened. I’m afraid to see him now. I may have some kind of social anxiety, but I’ve never been this freaked out around anyone before. It happens every time I see him. I get extremely tense and can’t talk to or look at him. Every single time I’m shaking uncontrollably the entire time. Now when he asks to come over or go out, I tell him I can’t, or I won’t ask my mum and I’ll tell him she said no. I’m afraid to see him. So I need to know how to fix this. My questions are:

1) What is this?
Exactly what is it that I’m feeling? I know I had a panic attack, that’s indisputable, but it hasn’t happened before and it hasn’t happened since, so I know I don’t have a panic disorder, do I? Because a panic disorder requires spontaneous attacks, and this is clearly stimulus induced. Perhaps it’s situational anxiety, or maybe I have some other anxiety disorder? Or maybe I’m just extremely nervous and over-thinking this whole thing?

2) Why does he cause it?
Why is he the only person that’s had this effect on me? I’ve been anxious in social situations before and had to leave before I started to freak out, but not with this specific a trigger and not with this much intensity. Why is it only around him that this happens? Or thoughts about him that cause this?

3) What is this “shooting feeling”?
During the attack I kept having what I can only describe as a “shooting feeling.” It happens when I take a sharp breath in, and it feels like my stomach is dropping, like that feeling you get when you go down that first hill on a roller coaster. It’s usually followed by me wanting to cry. It happens when I think about him (or think I might be hurting or upsetting him somehow), and when I think about the panic attack I had, or when I’m worried about having another one. Any idea what this is?

4) What should I do if it happens again?
If the next time I see him I have another attack with the same intensity, what should I do? Would that classify this as an anxiety disorder, then, since it will have happened more than once? Should I see a doctor or a psychiatrist if it happens again, or if it (somehow) gets worse? And if it doesn’t happen, should I just let it go and ascribe it to nerves?

5) How can I stop the general anxiety?
I cannot enjoy myself around my boyfriend because I’m so shaky that I can’t concentrate and I cannot interact with him like I want to. Is there anything I can do to calm myself down before I see him, so I won’t freak out? Breathing and mental exercises don’t really help, I’m still shaking and sweating hours later. Maybe any medicine or something like that to help me calm my nerves?

I’m sorry this is so long, I probably wrote too much but it’s been bothering me a lot recently, and I’m just really worried about it. I’m so afraid I’ll have another attack I start breathing erratically and my heart rate increases just thinking about it. He threatened to tell someone if it happened again, so I just wanted to make sure that this is something legit and that I’m not just freaking out for no reason… It really scares him and I hate that it happens, so please, any help you can provide is more than appreciated.

Thanks~! ^^

[elisaoras]

Hello AkiKaza,

I have had similar situations like this...with my past boyfriends or just guys that I like very much.
For me, i knew that I was shaking because I felt nervous around them, because I really liked them. For example with my friends I didnt get nervous because I knew them well and I felt I didnt had to make any good impression about myself. But with guys I was also shaking and I couldnt think clearly or speak calmly.
But one thing is for sure...You can get over it, without any medicine...because I did it:)

1. I think It might be similar to stage fright. For example panic attacks may occur like spontaneous attacks, but stage fright happens right before, while and after performance. So your attack happens right before, during and even after meeting your boyfriend. I dunno if it is nessesary to name your fear in some particular way, but I understand that you just want to know what it is.

2. I think that he is causing this because you really like him and you want to be your best around him. And your own thoughts make you worry about yourself and what he thinks about you. Thats why you put your body under so much pressure that its just cant take it, and instead of giving the best berformane, it gives you the worst. At least that was what happened to me... I wanted to look my best and be the best girl around my boyfriend and I was worring before our date long time ahead, so my body was already under so much tension and pressure when I finally met him, that it just broke down.

3. the shooting feeling is your own fearful thoughts what are causing this. Its not your body whats making them, it is your thoughts. For example i had terrible stage fright. and every time, for example, our teacher told us that in next class, we had to make a speech before our classmates, I had this shooting feeling in my stomach, this terrible fear feeling. I was thinking what everybody will think of me if I will have panic attack in front of a class or if my body is shaking or if i mess it up. So similar happens to you if you think about your boyfriend. You are worried what he thinks of you and you want to make a good impression.

4.-5. the best thing you can do if you feel that your anxiety is coming..DO NOT TRY TO ELIMINATE IT! dont try to control your nervousness and just let it be! ...yes i know that you want to get rid of it..but if you try to suppress it anyhow, it will just get worse. the more you try to get rid of your fear or anxiousness, the stronger it will become. so just let it be. But the funny and amazing thing is...that if you let your fear just be there and do what it want, then it LOOSES ITS POWER OVER YOU! for me also all thease breathing exercises and other calming techniques just didnt work, they even made the situations worse. and thats because i was trying to get rid of my shaky body or sweaty palms, i was suppressing my fear. but if you just let it be, it will start to get smaller and smaller.
The other good thing is to talk about it to your boyfriend. My biggest mistake was that i was very closed person and i didnt tell about my problem to anybody. You dont have to tell everybody, but just to the closest ones, like your boyfriend. if you tell them, you dont have to be afraid anymore, because they know your problem and you can be free of thinking "what he thinks of me". If he loves you, then he will accept and understand. And if somebody will not understand, its simply their problem. Nothing is wrong with you, actually you are perfect with your flaws. Dont try eliminate all your flaws and accept yourself exactly as you are. I wanted to be perfect and i wasnt pleased about myself at all, but when i started to love myself as i am, with all my flaws includes, i got rid of this fear and my mind and body became more calm.

[AkiKaza]

Thank you for your help~! He knows about it, and he knows he causes it, and he's been very supportive about it and he's trying to help me. It's kind of ironic, though, because the things he does to help often cause the anxiety in the first place ^^;

So if it happens again, I should just let it come? Because I've been trying to stop, telling myself to calm down and not start freaking out...but should I let it happen? Acknowledge that I am afraid, and that this is okay? Just let myself be scared?

[elisaoras]

:) yes, just let it happen. Just feel the sensations, but dont judge them or try to get rid of them.

For example: if kids tease some other kid and he or she is reacting somehow to it, the teasers just get more power from it and they just keep teasing the other kid. But if he or she is not answering to others attack on them, then the teasers eventually get tired and they lose their “motivation” to keep on going, because the other persons anxiety is not FEEDING their actions anymore.

So don´t feed your fear with trying to suppress it anyhow, just let it be as it is. Feel it, be with your fear. Describe your fear in your mind like – butterflies in my stomach, tightness in my chest and so on. Do not describe it like – “I feel so afraid, everyone is watching, oh my god I am losing it!”. Be as OUTSIDE OBSERVER, look your fear as it feels, the PHYSICAL SENSATIONS but not the emotional feelings. An just let it be as it is.

You can even tell your fear to get bigger and ask for more and more. And the time you let yourself really feel the fear, and you ask for MORE and MORE of fear, you ask for all the power that the fear can have, then something amazing happens…your fear starts to get WEAKER. Because you took control in your hand. Your fear was aggravated because of fear to have this feeling, but not anymore.

In the middle of fearful moment and addressing your fear with this strong force of yours the fear looses power and becomes absurd.

I remember when I first time tried it. I felt the fear coming over me and I started losing it. But then I got mad over my fear and yelled everything in its face. I said that no matter how big it will get I simply don´t care! I gave it a challenge to get even bigger and bigger ant to fully feel it… but in short time I was almost laughing at my fear because it just lost all its power over me.

If you tell your fear with all your power and heart – come and show me what you got!!! – there is no room for fear anymore, it goes away!!! :P

So just let your fear be or even ask for more and it will loose its power :)