Feeling Helpless

[Sp0108]

I am not sure really what this will do for me, but I've tried everything I can think of.

I am only 20 and so, am having a really rough time with this. I have had severe anxiety disorder for about 4 years. I have had to defer university because I can't make it to my classes and go through periodic agoraphobia. I am feeling extremely miserable. I don't understand why this happened to me. It is ruining my life.

I watch all of my friends go out and have fun, while I'm stuck at home. I had the worst panic attack of my life when I tried to join them in the city for a night.

I think that I am starting to hate myself, I have been trying to get over this. But nothing works. I have seen psychiatrists and am seeing a psychologist. I have tried self-help books and medications but they haven't helped yet. I am just really miserable, I don't know what to do anymore.

I just want it to go away, I am really really miserable.

[james108]

I have tried medication and I have also tried meditation, and have found that meditation is far more effective. Medication in my experience was only an attempt to control or suppress some of the symptoms of depression- but never addressing the underlying causes of depression.

It sound as though there is a lot of pollution in your life from other people. You are sensitive to your surroundings and the people in your life, and you are overwhelmed by everything and stuck- absorbing too much from your environment and trying to meet certain expectation of your self and other people.

Depression in life can often mean that there is a lack of activity in life- such as a useful job. Sometimes going to university can often be a way of avoiding and escaping real life activity and work. And quite often you may leave university like I did under-qualified and in a worse situation than before. Unless you are becoming a doctor or engineer etc. If I could go back in time I would have done an apprenticeship in a real life activity such as mechanic/electrician. If you are female, then you could so something like social working/caring/nurse, hair dresser- or ANY useful activity services or products- real life qualifications that university people are not qualified to do.

Get out of your home, get own place, get your own job- live your own life- be responsible. Take up exercise, have a healthy diet and healthy relationships- then you will be fine.

[trave2441]

Sp0108,
I was were you are now about 8 years ago. I kept asking myself "why me" and felt like it was distroying my life. I missed my class reunion, had to drop out of college while working on my masters degree, lost my fiance and had to quit my teaching job and feel like I lost 4 years of my life. You have to just keep trying, it is so hard to keep trying but you have it in you! Don't even hate yourself, it is not your fault, you are going to be a better person when this is all over and you have your anxiety under control. Go out and get some guided meditation CDs and force yourself to do them. This helped me learn to control my racing thoughts. Keep seeing your psychologist and ask for help. You don't have to do this alone. I did have to go on medication and finally found one that worked for me (Lexapro), I am still on a very small dose. I truley believe that we are missing or not producing some chemical in our brains and some of us may have to take meds. I am not a doctor so I am not sure if meds will be the right choice for everyone. I am on this forum because I promised myself that if I got better, I would help other with the same problems. I dont suffer from anxety anymore, if I do feel a panic attack (maybe once or twice a year) coming on I ride it thought. I now own my own home, going back to colllege have a great job...If I can do it you can too! I am on this site if you ever want to chat or write me I am more than happy to communicate with you.
Trave2441

[meganjo]

A nice walk or jogging in early morning or during sunset and some meditation will make your mind to get relaxed... just try to do this, you will really feel some difference.