Need Independent Advice Please

[peter_h]

Hi. I have had high anxiety on/off for most of my life. Been on ssri for past 10 years now, and doc recently added mirtrazapine to help me sleep.
Been living abroad with family for 2 years and now back in UK. Found living abroad difficult but enjoyable (I was grumpy but not knowingly axious or depressed abroad). Have large family of children to cope with.

Found on returning to UK (10 months ago) anxiety and depression has grown significantly.

Feel:
Anxious & agitated virtually all the time, from waking to late evening.
Depressed
Low appetite
Lack of enjoyment/energy/pessimistic
Feeling sleepy in the day
Unable to sleep most of night (perhaps 2-5 hrs sleep) - mind racing all night!
Not proper dreaming/wake feeling anxious
Zero sex interest
Panicky feelings of can't cope with childrens moods/stress
Unable to watch TV or read newspapers as I get severly agitated by any emotional/worrying news!
Feel unable to rest between waking and about 9pm (strangly I feel OK after about 9pm)
Persistent and obsessive thoughts about job/relocating/past etc.
Now feelings of fear of death, obssesional
etc.

I am taking the ssri as prescribed, plus the new sedating anti-dep (on it for 2 days now).

I have had some CBT and expensive counselling and tho they help a little they do not seem to get at the root of my anxiety.
Not enough friends to help offload this onto, and family (wife) are already burdened, parents (too old and have significant probs).

Feeling vulnerable and low.

[davidthegnome]

I can really relate to the sleep issues. And I have pretty much stopped watching or reading the news too. There's not a whole lot of good news out there, is there?! Sounds like you've been a trooper dealing with anxiety AND a family for so long. That is certainly very admirable and no small feat. Perhaps you can try focusing on some positives, like having a big family to enjoy, in order to balance out the negative thoughts. One thought that comforts me is knowing that nothing lasts forever. No matter how bad you think it gets, the worst of it will invariably pass.

[dexter717]

I'll tell you what, I was put on an SSRI when I was 18..have changed many meds..been on klonipin for too long...they tried adhd meds when I was in college...finally got off all the other junk, except for the SSRI (went from paxil, to effexor..to lexapro). I got my degree...got a steady job, but nothing has seemed right since I started medicine. Have always felt "dissociated" and like i was "in a dream" since I started meds.

I recently got off everything (2 months in). Can't lie it hasnt been easy, but I am determined to make this work without the use of medicine.

Im not suggesting this, because I dont even know if this will work or not. I just am in fear of putting stuff in my body thats not natural, and I really wish I never got the advice to even start the medication (the wheening off process is tough..very tough and confusing).

I feel ya though...the lows are tough...and it sucks because the only "immediate" relief you can get it feels like is stuff that you can get addicited to..alcohol, klonipin. ive been there, and am currently dealing with it as well. Hang tough, keep posting on here, its therapeutic

[hesson81]

Hello Peter,

What are your current general lifestyle habits?? Excersise? Diet? Time for you?? Kids are hectic, oh they are. I can relate to you on many levels on that one. There has been days where I'm ready to swallow a pill just for them. I can't wacth TV either, but it's coming back, from other reasons than yours.

[forwells]

Howdy Peter

I was were you are now and would like to help you any way i can but first i have two question .

How much do you understand about anxiety and depression ? and also Other than popping a pill what else do you do to help your anxiety and depression ?? Oh one more are you worst in cold weather ??

cheers kev :D

[peter_h]

Things that help me are:

Exercising - walking (probably chemical)
Working long hard hours (distraction)
Talking to People/Therapist when I can (sense of letting off steam)
The evenings are good for me for some reason (?biorhythmical?)
AD Meds (when they work)

Lifestyle:

No alcohol or smoking
No non-prescribed drugs
No lavish social life
Working Family Guy who pays the bills and does family things only
No time for myself or my wife at all now really (4 young children)

Probable Activators:

Illness - colds and coughs etc. (get depressed v quickly when I am sick)
Noisy and stressful environments
People getting angry/me getting angry at people
Mainstream News and Media
Dramatic Changes
Financial stress


But the underlying anxiety and depression never seems to go away properly. Sometimes it just comes when I am happy and have no stress!