Panic disorder after stopping anti-depressants - HELP!

[Candyfloss&fairylight]

Hi, I'm new here, this is my first post....I'm hoping someone here might have experienced what I have and may be able to offer some insight.

About 11 years ago when I was 19 or so I started taking Paxil due to "depression". I don't think I was truly depressed, just in a miserable job and a tough living situation. The paxil killed my sex drive and I never felt like it helped make me happier, so my dr. switched me to zoloft....

I took that for a short time and decided to just quit cold turkey. I called my Dr.s office to ask if it would be okay and someone told me YES. Probably the worst thing that ever happened to me....I essentially felt like I went "crazy" and all kind of awful things started happening to my brain. Sort of like not being in my body, panic attacks, almost like a bad acid trip. When you're "coming down" and your brain is confused and terrified. Not feeling "normal" around loved ones... So, this was the worst time in my life, ever. I ended up in the hospital the first night and it took a long time for my brain to recover from the "flashbacks"....I still don't know exactly what caused this to happen.

Ten or so years later (this past summer) I was sitting on my couch watching tv and got that old feeling of tingling going up my back, and basically panic and fear of insanity and all kinds of crazy feelings coming up. I thought this was OVER. It was so awful I think I had actually blocked the memory of it alltogether but when it came back, it just terrified me. Since then I have not felt like "myself". I've been taking xanax which helps a LOT. But its not a solution.

I have an appointment with a therapist tomorrow that I've been waiting for for what seems like months....I am terrified of anti-depressants because they are what caused all this to begin with. Plus my family has a history of suicide attempts on both sides, and my great grandfather killed himself as well. I don't like "suicidal thoughts" as a side effect. Thats pretty terrifiying.

I've gone over every possible reason I can think of for this coming back on. I had gastric bypass about 7 years ago and have thought maybe I'm deficient in nutrients, also I was "diagnosed" with ADD recently and I took adderall & ritalin for several months which I also STUPIDLY quit cold turkey. But the panic didn't start until at least a couple months after stopping the ritalin. Maybe a month.

I've also used HCG to lose weight in the past, and I've been going on and off over the summer trying to stick to the diet, and I've just been unable to.

I've suffered with social anxiety and panic attacks in the workplace too due to a blushing phobia, but those have gone since I've stopped working in an office about 4 years ago. I now work as a dogwalker with no people at all! In fact, I had just finished a Real Estate course and was talking to someone about going into the business when all this started happening. I started to feel terror at the thought of working in an office again and blushing in front of people. Usually men...quite humiliating. But the two issues have always been unrelated. The original anxiety from stopping anti-depressants is what I'm feeling now....not the kind of managable anxiety I had from work. (manageable as far as total avoidance of social situations)

I have so much crap to go over with this therapist, I think I'm going to overwhelm her....I just wanted to know if anyone has gone though any of this kind of thing and may be able to offer some advice.

I've been reading up on here and found a post about Magnesium supplements and L-Glutamine and B Complex. I'm having a little fantasy that these will solve all my problems and I have my fingers crossed!

I just had a shake with L-glutamine and a Magnesium supplement and I feel pretty darn calm. Who knows....

Well, if anyone reads this long post I appreciate it! Hope anyone could offer some insight.

[ngbrock]

I, too, have had a lot of problems in the past when coming off antidepressants, so I can totally relate. I've had GAD and panic disorder for over 15 years. I am now 30. I have tried several different antidepressants, as well as Xanax and Ativan. I didn't quit cold turkey like you did, but I did want to mention that as I came off Zoloft at one point and Paxil at another, I had a lot of withdrawl symptoms, such as brain zaps, anxiety, panic, dizziness, etc. I am also a hypochondriac, so I constantly think something is seriously medically wrong with me when I have any of these symptoms, although I have been cleared in good health by my doctor. After the withdrawl symptoms subsided, I did really well managing my anxiety and panic attacks for several months; however, I often find that if I go through stressful periods in my life, they always come creeping back. Anxiety is just something you'll have to manage for the rest of your life, as I see it. Some days are great, and others are really hard for me. I've just learned to accept my sensations instead of trying to fight them, and I also keep a journal now. Writing everything down allows me to go back and see what progress I'm making. I'm not sure if any of this has reassured you, or if I have even answered your question, but I am here to help you get through this and answer any questions you may have through first-hand experience.