Back to work on Monday...

[pumpkin77]

Just coming to the end of 2 weeks off after being diagnosed with anxiety & depression and being put on citalopram.

Its been an up and down 2 weeks, starting with a constant state of high anxiety which has got a bit better until today. I'm really starting to worry about going back to work on Monday. Will I be able to cope there? What will everyone think of me? What if I get myself in a state? Will I get any sleep on sunday night? Dont know what to do with myself. Cant concentrate on TV, cant sleep very well. Wonder whether I'm ready to go back but I think I need to, as the longer I leave it the worse it will get. Dont particularly enjoy my job which doesnt help matters...

[Itzomi]

I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time, Pumpkin. I do think you should indeed stick to going in on Monday - you do need to busy yourself and keep your mind occupied. Staying home is the worst thing you can do for anxiety.

Good luck, and please post again on Monday and let us know how it went. :)

[somaesthesia]

That sounds tough:( Work may be hard, but things will get better with time, and keeping yourself busy may help you feel a little bit better. If you find yourself getting getting more anxious at work, try some breathing exercises. I really do suggest this. It has helped me SO much in stressful situations. Just take deep, slow breaths, breathing into your stomach and making it round, and then let it lift up to your chest. There are probably more exercises you can find on the Internet.

Good luck!

[tconnorbok]

If you can listen to music at work it helps keep the mind off the anxiety. You will still have some anxiety but it helps get you through the day.

[pumpkin77]

Well, thought I'd update you on my day... It was a nightmare. I was due to go the doctors first, just to have a chat about my medication. Unfortunately I got myself in a nervous state and was sick, so missed the appointment. I was determined to get myself into work though, so off went.
I walked into the office, and in there was my boss who said good morning to me, and 2 other girls I work with who didnt say anything to me - it was as if I wasnt in the room. My boss called me into her office for a 'back to work interview'. She asked how the doctors app went and I told her I hadnt gone and she wasnt too impressed about that. She said I'm obviously not ready to go back if I get myself into a state like that. I tried to explain that I wanted to return to work as it would do me good etc etc and that it was probably just a one-off that I was in a state. She said she wanted me working at 100% if I come back, and I said I couldnt promise that (who ever can???). She didnt tell me to go home but kind of backed me into a corner so I said I would. All I want is a bit of moral support. I've got to go and see Occupational Health at work on Thurs, and I've re-arranged doc appointment for Wed.
It was like she thought I was going to be magically better after my 2 weeks off. My boss and the 2 other girls in the office who I thought were friends have not been in contact once over the past 2 weeks to see how I was feeling which doesnt help me in the slightest. I made such an effort to go in this morning and for what? I feel like I've taken 2 steps backwards from how I was feeling at the weekend. Its all just such a mess - hopefully occupational health will help on thursday but I do have to be careful what I say as a report will go back to my boss. There is a counsellor on site as well so once I do go back to work I'm going to make an appointment.

Thanks for listening xx

[Itzomi]

Wow, Pumpkin, it was indeed not your day. :(

That's kind of tough... I can understand your employer's view, esp. since you skipped your doctor's appt (they'd be more sympathetic if they knew you were doing everything you could to help yourself, which means not missing appointments), and perhaps saying you couldn't promise you'd be at 100% was not what they wanted to hear... ("I'm going to try my best" would have been a better answer.) But, once you go back to the doctor and show that you are indeed doing everything you can (whether you're successful or not), things should get better.

I'm sorry you are having such a terribly hard time. May I ask if you know why you are so anxious? Could you be perimenopausal?

[jj1983]

Hello,

I have skipped so many dr's appts it is not even funny! I can not say anything to you about that,but I do understand why and how you can get your self in that state. What I did to finally get myself to go was take a 3mg melatonin 30 mins before going and drink a cup of Kava tea(by yogi) and take a cup with me(put 2 tea bags in it!!!)

It actually worked enough for me to make it through! Surprising for me...I always cancel appts..ugh

I hate to hear about your boss! I work from home and am so glad! Some days it gets rough, but seeing stories like yours makes me thankful!!If you want any info on that the pay is way better than what most people make now a days in a brick and mortar.

Two great sites are
ratracerebellion.com
workplacelikehome.com

[Itzomi]

What I did to finally get myself to go was take a 3mg melatonin 30 mins before going and drink a cup of Kava tea(by yogi) and take a cup with me(put 2 tea bags in it!!!)

That made me chuckle!!! :)

[jerrynyc138]

I go back tomorrow after being on leave for the past two months, it is being at work that it is the problem. It is being on the subway alone and the fear that something is going to happen to me on there. Once I am at work I feel kind of better because I am surrounded by people and friends that I know there.

[tconnorbok]

I think going to work is were my anxiety started with everything else that goes on there. I have been at my job for almost 13yrs in IT and it is always stressful. I noticed when i was on vacation i was better and then when Monday started to get closer I was having anxiety issues again. They were just not as strong as the first time they started. I am not sure why this is the case because i love my job i have always been able to handle the stress and the deadlines.

[SJAY10]

Sorry to hear about your day. Initially i was afraid to go back to work as well however. I found that I've got people who help comfort me at work and help take my mind off things.

Work is now an escape for me, and I try to enjoy it even if I am having a rough day.

[pumpkin77]

I've always been an anxious person and I think its just been building up this year. In Feb my best friend lost her 15 month old baby to cancer, in April I had a miscarriage and in July my husband lost his job.
My boss seems to see things in black and white. She sent me an email soon after my miscarriage to say that I wasnt working at 100% and now the same issue has come round. I really cant promise to be at 100% - I will do my best though, but she just doesnt seem to get it. Her life is her job. I've got to be careful what I say on Thurs at Occupational Health as I dont want to open a can of worms but I've been pretty miserable at work for a while, mainly because of her. I'm just constantly worried that I'm going to do something wrong / be accused of not working at 100%. I've been looking for another job for a while but theres nothing around at the moment with the economic problems and my job does pay well for the area I live in. I'm just feeling a bit trapped at the moment!

[Itzomi]

I've always been an anxious person and I think its just been building up this year. In Feb my best friend lost her 15 month old baby to cancer, in April I had a miscarriage and in July my husband lost his job.

Oh my gosh, that is a lot to deal with in just a few months!!! No wonder you're on edge. :(


She sent me an email soon after my miscarriage to say that I wasnt working at 100%

You have got to be kidding??! She must be a miserable wench! I hope you do find another job that's a better fit for you!

[Jakattk07]

Pumpkin-
I am so sorry to hear about all you have been through.

Like you I had some time off work and have gone back to coworkers and a boss who don't understand. Like you I try my hardest to be at 100% while at work, but many times during the day I need to take a few moments to regroup myself. The people at work see think that I'm just sitting at my desk slacking off when in reality I'm on the verge of a break down. I know how hard it is when no one at work seems to understand what you are going thru. I wish you the best of luck in your job hunt and just know that you are not alone. :)

[jj1983]

Your boss sounds like a jerk...seriously I would rather set at home making $25.00 an hour setting in my pj's at my little ol laptop then go into a brick and mortar..no thanks...lol