missbrandi
10-22-2010, 02:40 PM
Hello all. My name is Brandi, 22 y/o and I'm brand spanking new on this forum. I'm a photographer and aspiring actress. I live in Virginia with my boyfriend and work full-time for a very stressful job.
I'm here for the same reasons you all are on here - I have terrible anxiety. I'd like to share my story, in hopes of finding someone with the same problem. I've had anxiety all my life, but never realized it until January 2010. It has gotten worse since I was taken advantage of 6 months ago at a party, while I blackedout from drinking. I've been in a relationship for 6 years, so the guilt has completely destroyed me. He understands I wasn't in control, but I still feel terrible. I am very thankful I have an understanding, loving boyfriend.
Anyway, it wasn't until 4 1/2 months after the "incident", that I started thinking about STDs - specifically HIV. I took all STD tests (including HIV) and I tested negative. I was so happy, until I read the window period for HIV, in rare cases, can take 6 months. The next 2 months were HELL. I lost weight from the anxiety, I had IBS, and what appeared to be every single HIV symptom. I just knew I had HIV. The worst part was thinking I had infected the one person that meant everything to me - my boyfriend. I promised myself, that if I were positive, I would end my life. I just couldn't live anymore, knowing I lost everything.
At 6 months after the incident, I tested negative. My happiness was short lived, after I began doubting the results.
I'm still suffering this problem, but I AM getting stronger every day. I find a purple spot on my arm or a cut in the corner of my mouth, then I google the condition and immediately it says "AIDS/HIV". I spend all my time researching HIV online, crying hysterically at every little skin problem, ect. I hate this and I just want to move on.
I am sorry for the long post, I'm just hoping any other forum memeber had or has this HIV Hypochondria problem? Any advice? All the doctors tell me I do not have it and my CBC and other blood work has been completely normal. I understand the mind is a power thing, which can make you believe you have symptoms of a certain disease. I've been attending therapy sessions and she thinks I need to be evaluated for anxiety medication.
I need support from others who understand this level of daily anxiety.
I'm here for the same reasons you all are on here - I have terrible anxiety. I'd like to share my story, in hopes of finding someone with the same problem. I've had anxiety all my life, but never realized it until January 2010. It has gotten worse since I was taken advantage of 6 months ago at a party, while I blackedout from drinking. I've been in a relationship for 6 years, so the guilt has completely destroyed me. He understands I wasn't in control, but I still feel terrible. I am very thankful I have an understanding, loving boyfriend.
Anyway, it wasn't until 4 1/2 months after the "incident", that I started thinking about STDs - specifically HIV. I took all STD tests (including HIV) and I tested negative. I was so happy, until I read the window period for HIV, in rare cases, can take 6 months. The next 2 months were HELL. I lost weight from the anxiety, I had IBS, and what appeared to be every single HIV symptom. I just knew I had HIV. The worst part was thinking I had infected the one person that meant everything to me - my boyfriend. I promised myself, that if I were positive, I would end my life. I just couldn't live anymore, knowing I lost everything.
At 6 months after the incident, I tested negative. My happiness was short lived, after I began doubting the results.
I'm still suffering this problem, but I AM getting stronger every day. I find a purple spot on my arm or a cut in the corner of my mouth, then I google the condition and immediately it says "AIDS/HIV". I spend all my time researching HIV online, crying hysterically at every little skin problem, ect. I hate this and I just want to move on.
I am sorry for the long post, I'm just hoping any other forum memeber had or has this HIV Hypochondria problem? Any advice? All the doctors tell me I do not have it and my CBC and other blood work has been completely normal. I understand the mind is a power thing, which can make you believe you have symptoms of a certain disease. I've been attending therapy sessions and she thinks I need to be evaluated for anxiety medication.
I need support from others who understand this level of daily anxiety.