becoming obssesed with something

[Miss_Napoli]

hey
I really need help with this matter so I hope I have come to the right place. It all started tuesday, I was watching tv and then that new drama lip service come on tv, I seen 2 girls getting it on.
Now it is Saturday,and in some strange & crazy way I have convinced myself I am lesbian. It is scaring me, making me cry, feel sick, I cant even eat. The thing is I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years, great relationship with him, plus I have never felt attracted to a woman before, infact that kind of thing freaks me out. So why is it now, I see my boyfriend yesterday, I was all emotional infront of him, crying & stuff, even though I havent told him whats wrong cos I know its stupid & embarrasing, yet now everytime I see a woman my mind plays tricks on me telling me I like her & crazy stuff, I have battled with it cos I know its not really me, but the more I battle with it the more crazy stuff comes in my head!
Its getting me so down, I just wanna be like before. I know I am not a lesbian but why am I having these crazy thoughts?
I did suffer from anxiety & panic disorder few years back, i didnt leave the house for while & convinced myself there was something medical terribly wrong with me even though gp confirmed there never was.
Can someone please help? I am so so depressed

[gaara]

hey
I really need help with this matter so I hope I have come to the right place. It all started tuesday, I was watching tv and then that new drama lip service come on tv, I seen 2 girls getting it on.
Now it is Saturday,and in some strange & crazy way I have convinced myself I am lesbian. It is scaring me, making me cry, feel sick, I cant even eat. The thing is I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years, great relationship with him, plus I have never felt attracted to a woman before, infact that kind of thing freaks me out. So why is it now, I see my boyfriend yesterday, I was all emotional infront of him, crying & stuff, even though I havent told him whats wrong cos I know its stupid & embarrasing, yet now everytime I see a woman my mind plays tricks on me telling me I like her & crazy stuff, I have battled with it cos I know its not really me, but the more I battle with it the more crazy stuff comes in my head!
Its getting me so down, I just wanna be like before. I know I am not a lesbian but why am I having these crazy thoughts?
I did suffer from anxiety & panic disorder few years back, i didnt leave the house for while & convinced myself there was something medical terribly wrong with me even though gp confirmed there never was.
Can someone please help? I am so so depressed

Hey, I'm a guy but the whole "your mind is convincing you that you're such and such" is something that I'm experiencing as well.

I don't have an answer for you as I'm trying to deal with my anxiety and depression on my end but what I can say is that it's most likely just in you head.

Think of it this way, why would you be with your boyfriend for 8 years (assuming it was a good 8 years with no major drama between the 2 of you) and suddenly all that goes out the window because of a scene?

That's the thing with anxiety I think, it comes on EXTREMELY strong and out of nowhere that your mind starts to try and think of ways of why the anxiety came saying that "no you like girls and this is your path" but in reality, yea you may have gotten a bit aroused by it (from what I hear that's completely normal for straight people) but because you've never experienced that feeling before it's new and scary.

As for eliminating that thought and the feeling of anxiousness and depression, it's still something that I'm struggling with. My problem is that I think I have commitment issues and although I've been fine with my girlfriend for the past year the anxiety of that came again and now my mind is trying to tell me that i'm better off single and it's really putting me in a bad place and i'm even finding that i start to panic a bit when we get intimate which is making things a lot worse.

[Miss_Napoli]

So you dont think am going crazy? cos it honestly feels like I am. it feels like my crazy thoughts are controlling me. I love my boyfriend so much, everything was fine last week & now this. I feel so helpless.
Yeah am having trouble with the intimacy as well

[gaara]

So you dont think am going crazy? cos it honestly feels like I am. it feels like my crazy thoughts are controlling me. I love my boyfriend so much, everything was fine last week & now this. I feel so helpless.
Yeah am having trouble with the intimacy as well

I'll tell you what happened to me - maybe it will help maybe not but we'll start with this for now.

I broke up with my girlfriend last september because I was anxious and depressed and i convinced myself that my feelings for her were going away and that I was "bored" with her.

It broke her heart and mine but for the month of october, I was fine. I felt like my life was back in order, I hung out with friends, didn't have a care in teh world but never did I once not think about her.

Near the end of the month I really started to miss her, like bad. I took a leap of faith, called her up and we got back together. Things were a bit weird for me at the start because I was a little bit nervous that maybe the whole anxiety/depression thing would come back but I told myself that was in my past and it's gone and done with.

It worked. Things were absolutely great for about a year until out of nowhere the anxiety and depression returned and here I am now, trying to cope with it.

The point of my rambling post (lol) is that the mind is an extremely powerful thing. You know you love your boyfriend, it's just that because the anxiety hit you hard out of nowhere, that's all that you're focusing on.

You're anticipating the next anxiety attack and because you're always thinking about that you become depressed.

It's normal from what I hear to be arroused by the same sex for whatever reason, maybe you can try to watch lesbian porn and see if you really enjoy that sort of stuff?

Getting scared is something that you have to fight off no matter how hard it is.

Perhaps you should see a relationship therapist or a sex therapist and explore the feelings with a professional?

Hopefully I've helped a bit.

[Miss_Napoli]

That seems kind of crazy to me cos I have no desire to watch that kind of stuff!
I think its anxiety cos I am scared of feeling this way & dont want to feel this way & the more I am scared the more I think of it

[gaara]

That seems kind of crazy to me cos I have no desire to watch that kind of stuff!
I think its anxiety cos I am scared of feeling this way & dont want to feel this way & the more I am scared the more I think of it

Yea that's what I'm trying to say essentially. It's good that you have no desire to watch that stuff but you may want to try talking to a sex therapist or a relationship therapist to explore why you're having these feelings.

It's just an option maybe to give you a boost in your morale and that will give you a strength to overwrite your fears.

It is true though, the more you're afraid of it and try to run from it the stronger it becomes. You have to find a way to fight this and that's the hardest part.

You may think you'll never get over this and that you're trapped but that's not true. If your mind is powerful enough to get you into this stage then it's definitely powerful enough to get you out of it.

[Silachoo]

I have heard of people worried about this, if you predisposed to anxiety, or even if being "gay" is something that would trouble you, alot of times the thought might occur "am i gay?" and because you have the thought you think to yourself "i must be gay because i thought that thought" or a scenario similar to that. You are not gay. Don't worry about it

[Itzomi]

Pardon me for skipping over some of the responses, in case I repeat anything. Pressed for time... :)

That's sort of an OCD thing. Lots of people get something stuck in their head - a suggestion - then freak out that it applies to them. Some people have, for a second, entertained the thought of causing harm to someone, then freak out afterwards and obsess that they just might possibly do such a thing, even though they know they wouldn't. They fear they are going crazy. And it all started by just one 2-second thought that turns their life upside down!

This obsession has nothing to do with being gay, OR being homophobic (let me just nip that one in the bud right there - I live in the San Francisco area and I can only imagine the comments you could get if you said that out loud here :roll: ). It's just one of many things people with OCD get stuck in their head. You might not have full-blown OCD, but some mild form of it that happens randomly or something.

Heck, I remember reading David Cassidy's book (OK, I am dating myself here) and he used to sort of obsess over the same thing. He was NOT gay, but because his father was gay, still had to keep asking himself, "Gee, am I gay?" when he didn't even have feelings for men and loved women. It screwed with his mind.

There is nothing for you to worry about. You are not going crazy, this is normal, and everything will be fine. :)

[forwells]

Howdy

So you dont think am going crazy? cos it honestly feels like I am.

No your not going crazy and nor will you ever be from anxiety . What you do have is a very common fear from anxiety .

Anxiety will increase all fears little and big . Many people have fears or i should say fell uncomfortable with things in life and then with anxiety they will start to fear it . Then it will go over and over in ones head until it is blown out of whack .

What you are trying to do is wrong and will not work . What you are trying to do is fight this thought away instead of just facing it with logic . The fact that you are trying to fight this thought away instead of just dismissing it is the key here . Everyone and even the ones that say they don't which are most likely lying have had a thought about being with the same sex . Im not saying an enjoyable thought but just wonder what it may be like . But because of your anxiety and the fact you are trying to push it away is why it will not go .

You need to just let it go and do that by hitting it with logic . For example - Its was a thought nothing more , i am happy being how i am , i am happy with my partner and have been for 8 years .

This works the same with all thoughts that spin us out . Another would be sitting in a pub and seeing some man act a twit and wanting to smack him in the mouth . This is a normal thought / feeling but in someone how has anxiety they will start to read more and more into it and in the end they will convince themselves that they are turning violent and need help .


So stop fighting it and just let it fade . Tell yourself it is just your mind working overboard from anxiety and nothing more and the more i can get my stress down the less it will happen .

cheers kev
:D

[Zuena]

Just on the practical side...

I am gay and I have known it since I was very young. You don't just wake up gay one day - rest assured that you are not.

Z