gaara
10-15-2010, 02:21 PM
I'm going to post this here instead (posted it previously in the depression forum) but it's getting no traffic and I'm getting desperate and on second thought maybe this is a more appropriate forum to post this in:
Hey everyone, just discovered this website after searching the internet on information about anxiety and depression.
I've always been an anxious person about certain things but never as bad as it's been now.
Here's the story:
My girlfriend and I have known eachother for about 5 years but we only started dating 2 years ago. Things were great when we started dating except that I must mention she was cheating on her then boyfriend with me. I know it was stupid and wrong and slimey but I really loved her and she really loved me but she just didn't know how to break it off with him.
Months and months went by where we would constantly fight and fight about how she had to choose either me or him and blah blah blah. Finally around july of 2009 she broke up with him and focused her attention on me. Out of nowhere, even knowing my feelings for her I panicked. I got scared. A trumendous wave of anxiety would sweep over me everytime I was with her. It really scared me that I was feeling this way because I was so calm with her for MONTHS before that moment so why were all these weird feelings rushing in? Did I have commitment issues? Possibly.
Well, one night I sort of broke down in front of her, explaining my feelings and what was going on with me. She got EXTREMELY emotional for obvious reasons and I don't blame her one bit. I desperately wanted to get my old self back. We talked about things and things went back to normal sort of for about a month. But then the anxiety and depression came back again. This happened for about another month until end of september 2009 I finally couldn't take it anymore and broke up with her for the sake of my sanity and hers.
For that month I was really calm and just enjoyed it immensely because I need time to recooperate and it helped. I didn't stop thinking about her one bit and missed her everyday. At the end of the month, I REALLY started to miss her and wanted to give us another shot because I know my feelings for her were still there just pushed away because of my anxiety and depression.
Things started off sort of rocky at first for me because I was extremely nervous the anxiety and depression would come back. I was nervous with her for a couple of months but it was a "good" kind of nervous, nothing like the dreadful anxiety I experienced before.
After that, I have never been happier. Months and months went by and things are going really well until..
Until july 20th 2010, just 7 days before the 1 year anniversary of that night i broke down and explained everything to her. We got into a pretty big fight about something but then made up that night.
Usually when we get into big fights, I stay annoyed with he for a few days then I eventually forget about it, but as soon as the 27th of july came, a wave of anxiety and depression came over me.
It was the exact 1 year anniversary since I told her, and I started to really panic. How can this be happening again?? Bad memories? Probably but everything just had the exact same feel to it. It really freaked me out, it was like somebody just placed me back to where I was 1 year ago.
Every since then, I have been having the same anxiety/depression waves for days on end. There would be times where for a week that I wouldn't feel any anxiety and depression and I'd get so excited that it was gone then out of nowhere, I'd get up and it would just hit me like a ton of bricks.
I just don't know what to do honestly. I love her so much and I really don't want to bring it up to her because It would seriously break her heart and it would ruin our relationship for good this time I'm afraid.
I really think if I can get a hold of this depression and anxiety I could get past this and eventually leave it behind.
Has anyone experienced anything like this before? Is this common? Any helpful suggestions would be GREATLY appreciated. I really love my girlfriend and all I want is for us to go back to the way we were, those were without a doubt one of the happiest times of my life.
It just depresses me because sometimes as I mentioned before, things would be going great for a week or something, then I'd think back for a second and remember how depressed I was and then it'd all just rush back Sad It's like my mind is telling me "NO. You don't deserve to be happy, bad things will happen".
I'm willing to try anything but pills are the absolute last last resort as I really don't like the idea of some of the terrible side effects or being addicted/dependant on them.
Thank you for any suggestions in advance and thank you very much for reading this and sorry again for the long post.
Look forward to hearing any responses.
Hey everyone, just discovered this website after searching the internet on information about anxiety and depression.
I've always been an anxious person about certain things but never as bad as it's been now.
Here's the story:
My girlfriend and I have known eachother for about 5 years but we only started dating 2 years ago. Things were great when we started dating except that I must mention she was cheating on her then boyfriend with me. I know it was stupid and wrong and slimey but I really loved her and she really loved me but she just didn't know how to break it off with him.
Months and months went by where we would constantly fight and fight about how she had to choose either me or him and blah blah blah. Finally around july of 2009 she broke up with him and focused her attention on me. Out of nowhere, even knowing my feelings for her I panicked. I got scared. A trumendous wave of anxiety would sweep over me everytime I was with her. It really scared me that I was feeling this way because I was so calm with her for MONTHS before that moment so why were all these weird feelings rushing in? Did I have commitment issues? Possibly.
Well, one night I sort of broke down in front of her, explaining my feelings and what was going on with me. She got EXTREMELY emotional for obvious reasons and I don't blame her one bit. I desperately wanted to get my old self back. We talked about things and things went back to normal sort of for about a month. But then the anxiety and depression came back again. This happened for about another month until end of september 2009 I finally couldn't take it anymore and broke up with her for the sake of my sanity and hers.
For that month I was really calm and just enjoyed it immensely because I need time to recooperate and it helped. I didn't stop thinking about her one bit and missed her everyday. At the end of the month, I REALLY started to miss her and wanted to give us another shot because I know my feelings for her were still there just pushed away because of my anxiety and depression.
Things started off sort of rocky at first for me because I was extremely nervous the anxiety and depression would come back. I was nervous with her for a couple of months but it was a "good" kind of nervous, nothing like the dreadful anxiety I experienced before.
After that, I have never been happier. Months and months went by and things are going really well until..
Until july 20th 2010, just 7 days before the 1 year anniversary of that night i broke down and explained everything to her. We got into a pretty big fight about something but then made up that night.
Usually when we get into big fights, I stay annoyed with he for a few days then I eventually forget about it, but as soon as the 27th of july came, a wave of anxiety and depression came over me.
It was the exact 1 year anniversary since I told her, and I started to really panic. How can this be happening again?? Bad memories? Probably but everything just had the exact same feel to it. It really freaked me out, it was like somebody just placed me back to where I was 1 year ago.
Every since then, I have been having the same anxiety/depression waves for days on end. There would be times where for a week that I wouldn't feel any anxiety and depression and I'd get so excited that it was gone then out of nowhere, I'd get up and it would just hit me like a ton of bricks.
I just don't know what to do honestly. I love her so much and I really don't want to bring it up to her because It would seriously break her heart and it would ruin our relationship for good this time I'm afraid.
I really think if I can get a hold of this depression and anxiety I could get past this and eventually leave it behind.
Has anyone experienced anything like this before? Is this common? Any helpful suggestions would be GREATLY appreciated. I really love my girlfriend and all I want is for us to go back to the way we were, those were without a doubt one of the happiest times of my life.
It just depresses me because sometimes as I mentioned before, things would be going great for a week or something, then I'd think back for a second and remember how depressed I was and then it'd all just rush back Sad It's like my mind is telling me "NO. You don't deserve to be happy, bad things will happen".
I'm willing to try anything but pills are the absolute last last resort as I really don't like the idea of some of the terrible side effects or being addicted/dependant on them.
Thank you for any suggestions in advance and thank you very much for reading this and sorry again for the long post.
Look forward to hearing any responses.