Self consciousness, envisioning yourself

[eraserhead]

Can anyone describe to me their experience of being self consciousness, and the perceiving of ones "self". I am talking both about the self-observation that takes place in private, and in public situations.

Do any of you actually envision yourself, or your facial expression, to the extent that your mind's eye is involved? That is, you are constantly or occasionally seeing your "persona" in the same way that one would imagine something with your eyes closed.

I always envision my face, but unfortunately not only in social situations. I'm afraid that these "personas", products of being too self conscious, have taken over my sense of self. They are fake, but there is nothing underneath either. So I am left here with this hopeless feeling of being unreal and dead.

edit: there is something "underneath"... but i lose my ability to see that when anxiety gets strong enough.

[eraserhead]

And if any of you answer yes to my question, do you have this when you are alone as well, or only in social settings?

[eraserhead]

OK, let me rephrase. Do you ever "picture" yourself in your head, and does this happen even when you are alone?

It would mean a great deal if someone could answer.

[cave dweller]

... i do picture myself pretty much all the time, exceptions being when i'm lost in thought, or for short periods during some tv programs (it has to be a very engaging story) .... any time i am around people or thinking about other people I have a full body image of myself.... The image I have is not quite as clear as if my imagination was fixated on it though, I often am surprised when I look in the mirror as I don't appear how I expect, and I often struggle in public not knowing what a certain facial expression i'm trying to create really looks like....... i certainly construct sentences in my head sometimes several times before i say it, and i also imagine responses to things i say and use my imagined responses to revise what i'm going to say, sometimes i get my imagined responses confused with peoples actual responses and then i can't seperate the story between the characters in my head and the actual people..... their is a video camera taping me all day, and if it turns off i panic and rewind the tape to have a look, sometimes i'll have two cameras, one at the front and one at the back to monitor what people might be seeing behind me.... i'll stop their for now.....

[lunalady]

I do picture myself a lot. I think thats one of the hallmarks of being an anxious person- I'm too inwardly focused. It helps me to deliberately not try to picture myself, my expressions, etc, and just try to live in the moment and concentrate on what's going on outside of me.