Jaded

[blue]

I am 41 and have been having bouts of depression most of my life. The last ten years in particular have been the worst, however, lately I feel it is beginning to affect my health. I have chronic headaches, ulcers, and light headedness. I also cry periodically, and recently suffered a mini panic attack. Up until recently, I would experience occassional moments of happiness or confidence, however, the last few months have I dealt with chronic sadness, despair, and live in constant fear. I was an extremely shy child with many phobias and it seems to have carried on into adulthood. I never did well in school, had a learning disability (which was never actually diagnosed),was severely bullied throughout childhood by students and teachers alike, and never had many friends. As a result I had low self esteem, and 0 motivation. My teenage years were probably the best times of my life. It felt as if maybe things were improving, my grades were better, I had more friends, but I was still shy, and lacked direction. I constantly dwell on those times as they had many good moments. As of now, I am single, don't have an education and have a low paying job. I feel powerless and lack the ambition to change my situtation. To this day I do not know what I want to do in life. I feel most of this stems from social anxiety, being painfully shy, and a possible learning disability. I won't go see a psychiatrist because they can't help so all they'll do is put me on meds which is a route I do not want to take. I am trying to take up certain hobbies or read to get my mind off things, but it's not enough. I now feel as if life is hopeless and am entering a mid life crisis on top of it. Has anyone here gone through this or are in the same situation and how have you dealt with it. :cry:

[ThePhoenix]

What is it they say? If life gives you lemons make lemonade? There is a better one but I cant think of it now!

This is good too though!

"Why is it that most people's lives are controlled by small and petty circumstances? It is saddening to watch so many people lose the good and great things that are within their reach, and could be theirs, but for a little act of courage.
Most of us are ruled by circumstances that are thrust upon us, and we shape our lives - our very existence - around these circumstances, believing that we have neither the ability nor the know-how to change them
Strong people create the circumstances which serve their needs and desires, and if you are a person ruled by circumstance, then the cure for this disease is -COURAGE"
Unknown

When you feel depressed its easy to look back on happier times and look at the present day and just see no bright light it. You feel trapped in a certain time and place that you cannot get out of but not happy with? Is that about right?

Alot of depression comes down to perspective, things are never as bad as they seem and sometimes I think we forget to be hopeful. You can either be ruled by what you see as your limitations or you can take control of them and rule your own life!

I cruised around for years not sure what I really wanted to do with my life, your not alone on that front! You say you dont want to see a shrink because they cant help you? Maybe, maybe not but it might be worth a shot, at the very least you should talk to a counsellor or someone you can talk through your feelings with. What have you got to lose?

[Charmbracelet81]

I agree with Phoenix. If someone offers you meds, that doesn't mean you have to take them, go find another councelor who will listen to you!
You sound alot like me. I have a lot of issues I still deal with now. Years of being conditioned a certain way, can't just change in an instant. It takes a lot of hard work. I, personally, am in CBT and it is helping. I am also receiving psychoanalysis from the whole childhood thing. That's how I deal; my therapist listens to me and genuinley wants/is helping me get better. FYI, I will be 29 next month.