about kittykat

[kittykat]

Hi, im not very computer illiterate and im a jackass when it comes to finding things on this computer,im going to introduce myself here. Im kittykat,im thirty years of age and im in a stable relationship and live with my boyfriend of 3 years. Iv suffered from anxiety since i was 8 years old,iv been to psychiatrists,different self help people,hypnotherapists etc. ive had different diagnosis from everyone iv gone to. Iv been on anti depressants since i was eighteen but hey don,t make much of a difference. I can function normal most of the time,i go to college, i go to work, but when it comes to social events i panic,especially if i have to go for a meal. I will spend weeks on end worrying about the event ,disecting it piece by piece,working out different scenarios,one as devastating as the next. When i get really anxious i throw up and now i worry that ill panic in these social events and throw up in public. its a viscious cirle that i cant stop. I know i have to stop thinking inwardly but the pattern has been there so long i dont know how to stop it,its deep rooted into my mind so that when iwake up in the morning i have butterflies in my stomach, thne i dont eat for days because i resent food and cant stomach it,im sick of feeling this way. my brothers christening is on saturday and my boyfriend cant come with me cos he has to work. im petrified of sitting at the table with my family as well as theirs.how bad is that when you cant even sit at a table with your own family!! :cry:

[Charmbracelet81]

Hello. That all sounds normal for anxiety and panic. I am in CBT, never been on meds, diagnosed @ age 11, but no one did anything to help me. CBT is great. I used to disect each senario also until I was literally sick and simply would avoid going, or go and flee once I was there. Therapy has helped me so much. I don't dwell as much as I used to and am learning to rationalize my thoughts. It's a long process, but it's working....and I know how you feel. ;)

[kittykat]

thanks,it means so much to find somebody else in the same boat.I get so lonely when i start to go through these feelings and nobody really understands whats going on,they just look at me like im some kind of nutter,which just makes me go deeper into myself and makes my thought process so much worse.Its like i know i shouldnt think negatively about things,but i just cant stop it!ive heard about cbt but i havnt tried it. Im reading a book about it at the moment,i just need to get up the courage to do it :oops: