Hello all.. my story, my fears, etc... :)

[heatherlovesmusic]

My name is Heather and I'm 22. I've suffered from depression and mild anxiety since I was 14 but after a severe and terrifying panic/anxiety attack Saturday before last (I went to the ER because I couldn't breathe, my hands were numb and tingly and then eventually locked up. I thought I was dying.)

I have reason to believe it was a result of my birth control medication because it was, at the time, the only medicine I was on and I did not have the severe anxious feelings until after I took a double dose of my pills after accidentally forgetting to take one the day before. Since then, I have not been able to get anxious thoughts and feelings out of my mind. The ER Dr. gave me a small prescription for .25mg of Xanax to take as needed and I've only needed to take 3 pills so far. I have wanted to take them but have held off because I don't like being on medication and I know benzos can be addicting. I saw a GP last Thursday who seemed to think it was just the anxiety as well, but ran a full blood panel of which I have not yet received the results. Everything I am feeling are classic anxiety symptoms but until I get those results back, I am a nervous wreck. I have shortness of breath, tightness in the chest, racing heart, pin prick feelings in my hands and feet, head aches, neck tightness, jaw clenching, but I never felt anything besides shortness of breath (that I used to be able to control with deep breathing) until that Saturday (8/7/10- I don't think I'll ever forget it!). I feel these off and on on a daily basis and I hope that is normal...

I am a huge internet nerd so finding these forums and seeing that I am not alone is an amazing help. One thing though that puzzles me is that though I am shy and can be slightly socially anxious, I am not agoraphobic in any way. I am not afraid to leave the house or drive a car or anything like that but I do have an intense fear of dying in general.

some personal info on me: live in Texas (the best state!), am married to the most amazing man, and will be starting nursing school in a week and one day. I think now a portion of my anxiety is that this all came right before nursing school and now I am afraid that it will cause me to have to drop out or be less successful than I intended. I cannot and will not let that happen because I have been working towards this for the past three years, it is my DREAM to be a labor and delivery nurse someday.

One comfort I do have about nursing school is that if I do panic, I will be around trained medical professionals all day and I will have immediate help. A few other things that I feel helped the onset of my anxiety:

-moving to a new town in Texas almost two years ago, having a tough time making friends, very lonely at times (like I said I'm shy but my husband is the complete opposite, he's made several new friends but I have not)
-quitting my job at the end of June (I was a waitress and that is not only stressful but at times demeaning, low paying and 'soul' crushing as I like to say) and feeling extreme guilt over my husband being the only one working. He is 100% fine with it and reassures me often but I can't help but feel lazy.

Like I said earier I have not had to take a Xanax in almost a week and I hope that I do not feel out of control enough to need to take one ever again. To cope I have been using breathing techniques, EFT videos from youtube, distractions (going shopping for school clothes/supplies!) , positive thinking, and of course reading this forum!

Anyway, there is my anxiety story so far, to those who have read it thank you, it helps immensely to just tell your story and feelings to those who understand. Any advice or any well wishes you may have will be greatly appreciated!

[worrier123]

u sound excatly the same as me, everything uv just mentioned there i feel-and im sure alot of others to do. it is just anxiety but i understand where ur coming from cos it always feels like its not and that its a really bad health problem which in turn worries u more which then causes these symptoms...its a vitious circle. im 23 femal and from england and i dont no anyone at al that has even the most remote anxiety problems, i felt so alone and stil do cos noone i know knows what im like im just too embaressed about it to say anything. i constantly feel like there is something wrong with my heart, if im having a bad anxiety day which is fairly often(especially after a heavy nights drinking its 10 times worse for some reason) then my breathing is al out of sync with my heart beat, i get pulpatations sometimes too which is terrafying!! i basically just cant focus on anything else other than my heart, my breathing and if its normal,what if its not, what if something happens to me, should i tel someone or wil that make me panick more.....it goes on and on. im petrafied of having something really wrong with me and dying too just makes me wash over with fear, iv not really had much help with my anxiety, iv had counceling about a year ago but only a few sessions, iv mainly just done alot of self help like u always on the net finding out stuf...which i think is the best way, pills arnt a long term cure it just blokes out what the problem is which is good but its always guna be there and do u really wana rely on pills all ur life? i dont have the best advise so sorry about that but im stil in the process of self help and trying to realise if im honestly guna spend the rest of my life in fear,negativity and unhappyness......its not a nice thing to live with but its nice to know there are people like u that have the same problems so we´r not completly alone....opposite ends of the world none the less lol but not alone


all the best hun i hope u get rid of anxiety for good and when u do let us al know how


x