Hey, just passing by...

[Polleke]

As the topic gives away i'm just passsing by. At least that was my initial idea. Guess i'm seeking support like everybody else here.
I find it difficult to talk these things, so i'm a little cautious.

I'm came across this site after having a bad day and searching for some answers. I had training (programming course) today and i felt anxious throughout the day, more than usual. That gave me the push post on this forum. Maybe a little history is in order.

I have panic attacks and anxiety problems for about 6 years now. It all started on the university in a very busy period. My home situation wasn't ideal either cause my father had a brain tumor and needed a lot of support. I got a heavy panic attack during dinner one night a completely lost all touch with reality. It took me three years to get some grip back and i slowly started to get things in order again with the all the pain that it gives. I finished university with a lot of effort. Now i have luckily developed some coping skills, like sports and relaxation to manage life for a part.
Since almost 2 months a have a very nice job i never imagined getting. And that turned things around even more. I feel better altho' i feel still anxious. Still throwing up every morning, feelings of losing reality are still there but they pass away. So i'm on the right track. But today i went wrong again. Guess most people here know what i mean by that. The training today was very uncomfortable but i stayed. Guess i have become hard in these things. Maybe hard isn't the right word. Now, i'm having trouble coping.

There is one thing i never did. I hardly ever talked about it. Not with friends, nor with family. I usually had to work on it myself. I feel lonely most of the time. I talked about it, but they don't understand. But how can they...

Anyways, i hope i get some response here.

[shoe]

polleke, I think we can all associate with those feelings.. sometimes you think you have it all together and then one day it seems everything falls apart or you have took a big step backwards.. but we tend to overinflate the importance of small setbacks in our struggles with anxiety, making it seem like a failure when its only a tiny hiccup on our journey :)

I think you've got a lot to be proud of, and should try to stay positive in thinking of your accomplishments and try to recognize the small 'defeats' as nothing but temporary setbacks.

I think its good you were brave enough to post here, it does help to get things out even if just writing in a journal. Its hard when you don't have any supportive people in your life you can talk to about these things.. but hey, there's some very supportive people here and hopefully you'll stick around and find out :)

[Polleke]

Thanks for your response!

I'm still in the course atm, tomorrow is the last day. I'm doing ok, a little stressed cause when things went wrong on a monday, so it certainly lingers throught the rest of the week. At that point it is difficult on concentrate on the teacher throughout the day. But when i'm working on assignments with a collegue the anxiety seems to fade to the background. Luckily i picked up keywords so i can do the assignments ;)

I exercise in the weekends (squash) that really helps me get through some of the 'hiccups' so far. After i play that for 45 minutes i'm beat, but my mind is clear. I guess i should recommend this 'beating up' for everybody here :)