Mozza345
07-15-2010, 11:08 AM
Hi guys, i've been struggling a lot in the last few months
I was always a bit shy as a child and used to experience some mild bullying, nothing malicious. As a teen I used to not really do what I wanted and just go with the flow for fear of upsetting people. Anyway up until about 20 I felt this was just normal, just who I was. But then at 20 I started truly enjoying life for the first time, I actually did things I wanted to do and felt comfortable with myself. Unfortunately a year later my parents split up, I had never really been close to my father until I was about 18/19 and this was a bit of a shock to me, two years after I felt my relationship with my Dad was finally working he left my Mum for another woman. I was devestated. I also had to deal with my friends graduating from University while I stayed behind to do a Masters degree. By the following year almost everyone I had known over the past 5 years had left me. I was stuck on my own. That was 8 months ago (short life story)
Now I find myself feeling very anxious once again, although I have enough confidence to go off and do things on my own. I've been to multiple concerts and festivals and if no one wants to come with me I just go by myself and enjoy it and i've made friends along the way. I've even managed to get myself a girlfriend for the first time since I was 17. At 23 I feel I should be happy and comfortable in my life. I have a job, a partner, some good friends but I still feel empty a lot of the time. I constantly find myself worrying over absolutely everything, whether it be 'Can I afford to eat this month?' 'Am I spending too much money?' 'What if the contraception fails and I end up with a child?' 'What if I lose control and commit horrible crimes?' 'What if I fail this piece of work and get sacked?'. These thoughts are more severe at night. I even spent a whole week convinced I was going to break up with my girlfriend, even though I really didn't want to (I didn't). What can I do? I know it's just my mind being crazy but it's really getting to me and I find myself struggling, sometimes failing to focus on things that used to make me happy.
I was always a bit shy as a child and used to experience some mild bullying, nothing malicious. As a teen I used to not really do what I wanted and just go with the flow for fear of upsetting people. Anyway up until about 20 I felt this was just normal, just who I was. But then at 20 I started truly enjoying life for the first time, I actually did things I wanted to do and felt comfortable with myself. Unfortunately a year later my parents split up, I had never really been close to my father until I was about 18/19 and this was a bit of a shock to me, two years after I felt my relationship with my Dad was finally working he left my Mum for another woman. I was devestated. I also had to deal with my friends graduating from University while I stayed behind to do a Masters degree. By the following year almost everyone I had known over the past 5 years had left me. I was stuck on my own. That was 8 months ago (short life story)
Now I find myself feeling very anxious once again, although I have enough confidence to go off and do things on my own. I've been to multiple concerts and festivals and if no one wants to come with me I just go by myself and enjoy it and i've made friends along the way. I've even managed to get myself a girlfriend for the first time since I was 17. At 23 I feel I should be happy and comfortable in my life. I have a job, a partner, some good friends but I still feel empty a lot of the time. I constantly find myself worrying over absolutely everything, whether it be 'Can I afford to eat this month?' 'Am I spending too much money?' 'What if the contraception fails and I end up with a child?' 'What if I lose control and commit horrible crimes?' 'What if I fail this piece of work and get sacked?'. These thoughts are more severe at night. I even spent a whole week convinced I was going to break up with my girlfriend, even though I really didn't want to (I didn't). What can I do? I know it's just my mind being crazy but it's really getting to me and I find myself struggling, sometimes failing to focus on things that used to make me happy.