introduction

[celtickid05]

Hi, I never thought I'd be the type to have an anxiety disorder but here I am...I'm 23 and I've been through quite a lot already. Car accidents mainly. That is where I feel most anxious, in the car...I freak out every time I drive. It's better when my husband is with me in a way. I say in a way because although it comforts me to have him there it also puts me on edge a bit because the whole time I am trying to hide how incredibly scared and anxious I am. Each time someone cuts me off or does something stupid in front of my car I think that there will be another terrible accident and I will die. Yes, die. That is another cause for my anxiety, thinking about death. That is the greatest unknown and it scares the b'jesus outta me. I think I might be dying all the time. I know this is an irrational fear but it sometimes consumes me at night when even one thing feels off, like a tummy ache. I turn to the worst and think it's something crazy like stomach cancer. I also sometimes think that I forget to breathe or that I'll stop breathing when I'm drunk or high. I'm actually panicking right now. I try to calm myself with deep breathing or meditation but it's not an instant fix. I always feel on edge for a while after. I need help. I feel like this is all spiralling out of control.