What Type, If Any, Of Anxiety Is This?

[northernlad]

I have always been a worrier, I get it from my mother. However it has recently been getting worse for reasons I shall explain in a minute.

Basically, my anxiety centres around a fear of being beaten up. I'm a bloke, so I find it embarrassing and won't talk to people I know about it as I know what they'll think. I even consider myself a 'wimp' as to have a guy that is worried about being hit is a bit weird, in my head anyway.

My main anxiety stems from someone in the past saying they didn't like me and they wanted to beat me up. I have had several incidents since then of people staring at me, or standing right behind me in a threatening manner, all of which I have put down to them being friends of aforementioned guy.

I have never been in a fight, or beaten up, so I think the fear of the unknown plays a part, but mainly its because I hate the thought of not being liked and I really hate the fact that I don't know what I have done for someone to want to be violent towards me. I'm a nice guy and hate violence and don't really hate anyone, so to have someone that hates me so much that they want to harm me is horrible.

I've seen my friends get into confrontations in the past and they can always just laugh it off the next day or seem really unphased by it, but if it happens to me I will think about it for weeks on end and feel really down and unhappy.

My anxiety has led to me doing some stupid stuff too. I once saw the guy that doesn't like me in a nightclub and we made eye contact. I later saw him on the phone, instantly I've assumed he is on the phone to his mates talking about me and planning something. As I wasn't with my male friends at the time I felt threatened and so I made an excuse about being ill and left the club.

As a result of this anxiety, whenever I see someone starring at me when I'm out, I instantly assume its someone that doesn't like me and I panic and make an excuse to leave then situation.

More recently, I even saw someone I think doesn't like me walking in a different area to where I live, as a result I don't go there anymore to shop and avoided looking at a house that went up for sale there just in case I moved near them! I have even been abroad on holiday and couldn't relax until I had been there for a day and knew no one I knew was staying at the resort, how stupid is that!!!

It's crazy behaviour and I hate it. I just wish I felt more confident and accept the fact that maybe someone doesn't like me but that I dont have to worry about it every day and what will be will be. My work is a desk job and rather boring, so I end up staring at a computer screen dreaming up scenarios in my head that have never happened, but that I worry about happening. As a result I start to then WORRY about the made up incident in case it happens.

Its a vicious cycle and now when I go out, I'm always scanning the area to see who is around. If I don't see anyone I know, I can have a really good night with my friends, but I know some day I'm going to see someone I think doesn't like me and I want to know how to deal with it without going home?

Anyway, thanks for listening, it has helped getting it off my chest actually

[mamascrazy1985]

first off i am the same way but you will be surprised when something actually does happen how defensive you will be. all your anxiety will come out and it was a great stress reliever for me. so dont worry about someone beating you up or whatever because your body wont let that happen

[timm]

I think this is quite common.

In the last year of my psych degree, we were studying a guy who had been in prison, and we had to ask him questions. He didn't like my question, and he said he was going to beat me up. I wasn't scared, but I felt embarrassed that I asked the one question that triggered him.

Anyways, after the guy left the lecture room, the professor explained that the poor guy had a terrible and intense fear of getting beat up. (They had many treatment sessions together over the years). So, just like the cowardly lion provoked fights, he did the same to actually avoid them, or avoid the fear of them.

I have definite avoidance issues and I check to see who is out before I go out the door. So, I can relate with you there.

Some guys in clubs want to fight. Some of the bouncers and even cops/ army, etc. go into these situations/professions because they get off on "rolling heads." And girls love the attention of being fought over, so clubs are a bad cocktail. The fear is not unfounded, it's just taking up a lot of your time and energy.

The only advice I can give is what I do in the situation. I deaden my eyes and slowly look away, like I'm bored, if anyone is staring at me. And I agree that if you ever did have to fight, the pent up anxiety would probably make the aggressor wish he/she hadn't picked on you.