I am really really scared

[vivalavida00]

Hello, I am new here but I have been visiting the site for some time now since I started feeling this way (about 5 months ago). I am really scared of whatever this is because it doesn't seem to go away no matter what. I believe I have GAD and also severe depression as I been experiencing both physical and emotional symptoms such as twitching, palpitations, DEPERSONALIZATION, headaches (usually everyday) sometimes upset stomach and I'm constantly thinking (usually bad thoughts, even when I am asleep).
I mean I guess I really don't have a reason to feel this way but I do, and the scariest thing is I don't really know how to describe it because sometimes I just feel like I am dead or going to die soon because there is this fear inside of me, and it is the ugliest thing I have ever experienced. :unsure:

and my question is, is this really what anxiety and depression feel like?

[Charmbracelet81]

Unfortunatley, yes these are all symptoms of anxiety :roll: I suffer from everything you said, except the headaches. I will simply be shopping & all of a sudden feel like I am not really there, which makes me panic, and makes physical symptoms start, which makes me more anxious. Like I have said, I have had every medical test you can think of, and nothing is wrong with me, it's "just anxiety." :?

[JeffB]

Unfortunately, this is what anxiety feels like. The good news is you've been checked out and everything is OK physically. Now it would be good to focus on the anxiety. Almost everyone can get over it. Among other things, look into cognitive restructuring and also the relaxation response. (there's a quick intro at the relaxation response (http://www.panicattackrelease.com/the-relaxation-response-and-panic-attacks.html)

[vivalavida00]

Thanks for your responses, and I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one feeling this way because at least that gives me some kind of relief, especially right now that a recent death in my family has made things a bit worse. :?

[vivalavida00]

I believe my anxiety comes from being afraid of death, almost 90% of my thoughts regard death, feeling empty and like it is better to die because I am always afraid but I obviously don't want to die. I think this all started when I was diagnosed with severe anemia (i thought I was going to die of leukemia), yet i am no longer anemic and the feeling hasn't gone away. Now I'm even afraid of traveling because I'm afraid of dying in a car accident.

does this sound like any of your situations?

[Charmbracelet81]

Viva,
YES!!!! Death is the main thought I fight with all day long..like I'm just waiting for it, rather than living. It's what makes me avoid situtaions/activities. I don't want to die, but at my lowest, I felt like well if I died I wwouldn't have to feel this anymore. I know exactly what you are feeling. :slywink:

[vivalavida00]

Finally someone who understands exactly the way I feel! (which by the way it is horrible) you don't know the joy it gave me when I read your reply, (not that I'm happy you are going through this) but now at least I know that anxiety CAN be so detrimental as to make you feel this way because before this post I was sure that I was just destined to die soon so I should just sit and wait but the only thing I'm doing is WASTING my time and I have lots of dreams!...so I don't waste time anymore :D

[Charmbracelet81]

Makes me feel better too to find someone like me! I can be anywhere and death is always in the back of my head...I even picture the funeral, and how people would react to find out I was dead. Also, how it will feel as I am dying. Therapist says definitley a part of my anxiety and how I deal with it: very complicated, isn't it? The fact that I don't actually wasnt to die, is how she knows it's anxiety and not depression: just the thoughts that take over and control me.

[vivalavida00]

Yes, i do that too think of how everyone would react if died, what would they talk about (everytime someone dies they talk about how this person already knew and blah, blah blah). I been so anxious about this situation that I was sure I wouldn't make it to thanks giving, then I said I won't make it till christmas, then newyears, etc. and here I am but I can't understand how I can still go on like nothing is happening (in the outside) because I actually haven't gone to the doctor to talk to him specifically about this nor have I told my parents. I really don't know how to go up to someone and tell them I never feel safe, that I feel we always need to have our guard up because when you least expected death will come and get you (this would all sound too silly).

Do you have lots of physical symptoms because some of mine seem to have stopped like hot flashes and nausea, and I guess I really don't pay attention to the physical symptoms because the doctor had told me that everything regarding my physical health was fine. However, my emotional health is so messed up that when I think of the future (although I have all these things I would like to accomplish) I say what is the point if we are all gonna die...do you ever feel this or is this part of depression?

For how long have you had anxiety?

[Charmbracelet81]

As far back as I can remember I have been anxious. Came from alcohol and abusive family. I remember chewing my food when I was 9 with only my front teeth for fear of choking. When I was 11 my Dr. had my Mom start me on St. John;s Wort...butI dont remember the effects of it. I was diagnosed August 2009 with generalized anxiety disorder and panic. The death thing is completely normal I have come to find through therapy. I have had SCARY physical symptoms, that then bring on the panic. I was diagnosed with Premature Atrial Contractions in my heart which are just "extra" heartbeats every now and then and so my heart has been my main source of terror. As of just recently, I am starting to ignore the physical symptoms, and accept nothing is wrong with me, but it is very hard.

[Charmbracelet81]

Also, just yesterday at my therapy session, she told me that most anxiety takes place full force when we are between the age of 23 and 32...don't know how old you are, and anxiety can strike at any time, but I was intrigued to know I was diagnosed when I was 27, which is right in there. Also, statistically, people who develope anxiety don't seek treatment until the age of 34, so she was happy that I didn't suffer that long without getting treatment.....just interesting stats.

[vivalavida00]

Wow I'm surprised to find that this death thing is normal :shock: it is the most horrible feeling/experience in the world especially if you add depression to that (i don't even remember what it feels like to be normal or happy) it's like I don't even remember who I used to be and I just turned 20 so I hope it doesn't get worst. :cry:

well then I guess I better seek help soon...has it been helpful?

[Charmbracelet81]

It has helped A LOT!!! About 6 months ago, I couldn't even go to the store without extreme anxiety and having strong feelings of being depersonalized....and of course absolutley knowing I was going to die right at that very moment, and that thought would make me cry and make me sooo scared. I often shopped with sunglasses on, so I could cry when the thoughts of death overwhelmed me. Fast forward 8 months into therapy, and I am much stronger and am learning "acceptance" of the anxiety and the thoughts that come with it. I am realizing it is simply a disorder and that it does not define ME, and learning how to deal with the thoughts when they come. I really dont want to think where I would be if I hadnt started cognitive behavioral therapy.

[vivalavida00]

Well hopefully soon i can gather the courrage to tell someone about this :roll: ...for now I just hope I have a good weekend since I'm traveling and I know that when the moment comes I'm going to be terrified :shock:

[Razz]

Also, just yesterday at my therapy session, she told me that most anxiety takes place full force when we are between the age of 23 and 32...don't know how old you are, and anxiety can strike at any time, but I was intrigued to know I was diagnosed when I was 27, which is right in there. Also, statistically, people who develope anxiety don't seek treatment until the age of 34, so she was happy that I didn't suffer that long without getting treatment.....just interesting stats.

Your therapist is a bit off on her age time lines - I have worked in the anxiety treatment field for over 30 years and the bell curve for onset of an anxiety disorder is 16 to 25 -with enough stress it can happen at any age.

[vivalavida00]

Well, then I definitely fall under that category :shock: ...and anxiety is surely taking over me so that makes sense to me.

[Charmbracelet81]

Razz, I will let her know!! Don't shoot the messenger, or in this case the patient!