Too anxious to get into a relationship!!

[lonelymale]

Hi,

Ive been suffering with anxiety for around 2 years now, doctors have been no help, have had no medication or therapy. The way i get around the anxiety so to speak is with avoidance! Therefore, i dont do anything, i dont have a social life, i work in a comfortable environment, and i dont have a love life!!!

Ive recently been getting close to a women that i used to work with, we only text but we both admit we like eachother, but because of my anxiety i feel trapped, i just cannot meet her, its becoming incredibly frustrating. She has kids, and i dont want to mess her about, so until i am sorted i dont want to mess up her life! I know what you will say just go for it! thats what everyone says, maybe i shud! She knows about my anxiety, she kind of understands, or at least says she does. Cant be easy to understand!

Anyone in a similar position? any advice?

Help!

[Wave84]

You sound like a decent guy. My advice: slowly. You don't have to jump into an intense relationship all at once as it might be a huge shock to your system. Explain to her that you want to move rather slowly at first until you have a good idea of how things are going to pan out.

[lonelymale]

Thank you for your response.

i do try an explain, problem is when you explain it sounds so trivial!!! even though it is not! its very hard!

plus coz she is a single mother of 2, shes nearly 30, she wants an intense relationship! she wants marriage, kids, all that. im not saying i dont, but im 27, havent really had a serious relationship, so its all new to me!

but if i do go ahead, it will have to be slowly!!

[palow]

I suffered from generalized anxiety for 11 years. 4 years ago I decided to follow my dream to start my own business. I did this without first getting some help for my anxiety. For the next two years I managed to double my anxiety and made terrible business mistakes.

So I would say to you, DON'T go for it in the state you're in.

In the end I got into Linden Method and I consider myself recovered enough to go for anything now with confidence. I still get anxiety but I don't fear it anymore and I know that for someone who has suffered for so long, it will take me another several months for all of it to disappear.

But my main business is good now and I started two websites on the side. I'm not saying Linden is the right one for you. There's lots of good stuff out there but the internet stuff requires you to guide yourself and heal yourself. If you don't have the discipline to do that, do you have access to a good cognitive behavioral therapist? The online stuff is also based on CBT.

You can also get a book from the library and work out your own program. I like Claire Weekes and Chad Lejeune.

Once you lose your fear of your anxiety, you should then decide about the relationship. By then, your perspective should be much clearer and your feelings will be less clouded by anxiety. If you do decide to make your move, your chances of the relationship working out will be much better if you have a positive attitude (impossible to attain with anxiety disorder).

Good luck.