Gee_88
03-07-2010, 03:43 PM
So, after nearly a year now of constant anxiety and fear that I have some horrible underlying issues I am only now beginning to accept that maybe I do have some mental health issues I need to sort out.
I have always insisted that my symptoms are the cause of my anxiety and not the other way around. For example, pains in my chest, shortness of breath, rapid heart rate, pains, dizziness, etc., you know them all.
Case in point: about a month ago I was concerned with my heart rate being 90-100 all day long. On that evening it went up to 100-110 and I was feeling short on breath and my heart would race every time I got up or changed position. From my point of view, something was seriously wrong. I ended up having about 3 severe panic attacks and I could only see one way out: on an ambulance stretcher! I ended up going to hospital (no, not on a stretcher!), got sent home obviously and when I got out I realised my heart rate had dropped to 65 at rest and only 90-100 when I got up to walk somewhere.
I am amazed that at my age (21) I have such fear that my heart is under strain or I have somehow escaped diagnosis when every test I have had is designed to detect pathology. I saw a cardiologist yesterday who said I sound like I have anxiety (I WISH I hadn't told him I have a history of it) and he has ordered an echo and a 24 hour monitor, both of which he thinks will be negative.
Since seeing him, however; I have noticed my heart rate has typically been slower. I dunno how fast it's going because knowing it makes me feel even more anxious about it, but I can feel that it's slower. To any one observing this, the cause is clear: anxiety, yet I can't think objectively like this about myself.
My tests show negative, yet I still don't accept them. If I was a doctor, a patient like myself would seriously annoy the hell out of me. I'd want to tell them to get a damn grip and get over it. I even tell myself this, but nothing works. I'll never take drugs because I'll get more anxiety about what they're doing to me (because I took antibiotics once and ended up with Crohn's disease the day after). and I also feel that taking drugs is like letting the anxiety win, and I can't let that happen. Although that doesn't really make sense, because the anxiety is not a seperate entity, it is part of me. So that'd be kinda like letting myself win... uhhg, well you know what I'm saying.
For the last couple of days though, I have been trying this thing called passion flower. It's an anti anxiety/sedative herb and it's been working, but it makes me drowsy and light headed. I don't have the same feelings towards taking it as I do with drugs, something about it being "natural" and for some reason I don't feel like I have given in by taking it. I'm not sure but I think the reason my heart rate has been down is because I've been taking it. It has no effect on your heart directly, so I can only assume the reason for it slowing down is because I've been midly sedated.
So yeah... anyone else like this? Can't accept they have anxiety? Post your stories because I'd like to hear other peoples experiences.
I have always insisted that my symptoms are the cause of my anxiety and not the other way around. For example, pains in my chest, shortness of breath, rapid heart rate, pains, dizziness, etc., you know them all.
Case in point: about a month ago I was concerned with my heart rate being 90-100 all day long. On that evening it went up to 100-110 and I was feeling short on breath and my heart would race every time I got up or changed position. From my point of view, something was seriously wrong. I ended up having about 3 severe panic attacks and I could only see one way out: on an ambulance stretcher! I ended up going to hospital (no, not on a stretcher!), got sent home obviously and when I got out I realised my heart rate had dropped to 65 at rest and only 90-100 when I got up to walk somewhere.
I am amazed that at my age (21) I have such fear that my heart is under strain or I have somehow escaped diagnosis when every test I have had is designed to detect pathology. I saw a cardiologist yesterday who said I sound like I have anxiety (I WISH I hadn't told him I have a history of it) and he has ordered an echo and a 24 hour monitor, both of which he thinks will be negative.
Since seeing him, however; I have noticed my heart rate has typically been slower. I dunno how fast it's going because knowing it makes me feel even more anxious about it, but I can feel that it's slower. To any one observing this, the cause is clear: anxiety, yet I can't think objectively like this about myself.
My tests show negative, yet I still don't accept them. If I was a doctor, a patient like myself would seriously annoy the hell out of me. I'd want to tell them to get a damn grip and get over it. I even tell myself this, but nothing works. I'll never take drugs because I'll get more anxiety about what they're doing to me (because I took antibiotics once and ended up with Crohn's disease the day after). and I also feel that taking drugs is like letting the anxiety win, and I can't let that happen. Although that doesn't really make sense, because the anxiety is not a seperate entity, it is part of me. So that'd be kinda like letting myself win... uhhg, well you know what I'm saying.
For the last couple of days though, I have been trying this thing called passion flower. It's an anti anxiety/sedative herb and it's been working, but it makes me drowsy and light headed. I don't have the same feelings towards taking it as I do with drugs, something about it being "natural" and for some reason I don't feel like I have given in by taking it. I'm not sure but I think the reason my heart rate has been down is because I've been taking it. It has no effect on your heart directly, so I can only assume the reason for it slowing down is because I've been midly sedated.
So yeah... anyone else like this? Can't accept they have anxiety? Post your stories because I'd like to hear other peoples experiences.