Fear of Confrontation

[okeydokey]

One of my social anxiety fears is confrontation, I always worry that while out I will be put in some kind of confrontation and whenever I have in the past, I stammer, or feel like my responses were meager, or I cry. I am so afriad to have someone (say in a an argument) make me cry. Does anyone else have this? And if someone is rude to me I can't bring myself to say anything back, for instance, I was standing outside a restaurant having a smoke when a women came by with her daughter and another woman, she actually walked up to me and said "oh your so cool" in a snotty brutal way. In after thought I wish I could have said something, but I didn't , I froze and felt bad. Then later I fumed at myself for not saying anything. I think maybe its a lack of confidence on my part, but I really fear if I was to say something there would be a nasty confrontation and my mind comes up with the worst scenarios. I'm always afraid someone will get mad at me, anyone else deal with this?

[lisa0913]

That sounds exactly like something I would do. When confronted, I fall apart and therefore, avoid confrontation at all costs.

[toughgirl]

I also have exactly the same problem. And I feel that if I'm insulted say, by a coworker or whoever that if I'm not seen to respond with quick, cutting, witty,
retort, that everyone around will see me as weak, meak, mild, submissive. And I HATE THAT!!!!!!!!!! :x
I too, seem to think of the perfect response when no one else is around :(
I had an experience once where I litterally froze right in the middle of an argument! I was just so extremely angry at the time and couldn't find the right words. I was mortified. Then after that I felt really self conscious and really anxious around this person because I saw it as they thought I was mentally weaker than them and they had one over on me. I guess I feel this way with all people that I feel are intimidating. It is so good to talk in this forum as you guy's have all had similar experiences to me and I know I'm not ALONE. That really helps. :)

[MikeJsimon]

Always Remember, you are worth it! If you were ever attacked, one of the best ways to overcome fear is not to think so much about what they may do to you, but think more about what you are going to do to them. When you have actually made that decision to fight, there's no holding back. Give it everything you've got. You have a right to protect yourself so make sure you use it. Get yourself on a Self Defense Course, learn and practice some simple techniques.

Quoted from:
http://ezinearticles.com/?Overcome-Fear-in-a-Confrontation&id=263981

[Desmond Chen]

One of my social anxiety fears is confrontation, I always worry that while out I will be put in some kind of confrontation and whenever I have in the past, I stammer, or feel like my responses were meager, or I cry. I am so afriad to have someone (say in a an argument) make me cry. Does anyone else have this? And if someone is rude to me I can't bring myself to say anything back, for instance, I was standing outside a restaurant having a smoke when a women came by with her daughter and another woman, she actually walked up to me and said "oh your so cool" in a snotty brutal way. In after thought I wish I could have said something, but I didn't , I froze and felt bad. Then later I fumed at myself for not saying anything. I think maybe its a lack of confidence on my part, but I really fear if I was to say something there would be a nasty confrontation and my mind comes up with the worst scenarios. I'm always afraid someone will get mad at me, anyone else deal with this?

I agree with you that fear of confrontation is a major thing in of social phobia. However I don't think that they should allow it to disrupt your life.

[Mistadrum]

Personally I think that comes to what kind of attitude you have from day one. I suffer bad from bumping into someone I know on the street and having to talk to them , but If I get rude confrontation ,eg: someone start bad mouthing me I let all hell break loose because I'm generally quet angry, I also think it relieves all the tension of anxiety for me.You should try and give a good go next time someone is being a prick ,have a strong reply back and go all out on them if you think it's possible , break loose on there ass haha. If there starting the aggro there in the one the wrong not you ;)

[anxietyguy]

I suppose the thing to ask yourself is what would happen if you did confron the person involved?

what emotion are you avoiding ??

[korgoosh]

No one likes confrontation (I think) but I also get paralyzed and then later regret not standing up for myself, especially at work. My last boss was a bit of a bully, and I think she saw me as weak because I didn't object that much to her sarcasm and bullying behaviour - not standing up for myself might have just made it worse.

In non work situations, I'm better at standing up for myself, but the problem is I find it hard to determine what is the right amount of 'assertiveness' without being aggressive.

[timm]

I just posted something very similar to this. I tend to cry or want to cry in confrontational situations. For me, it's anger turned inwards that makes me feel this way. And I think a deep feeling of unfairness.

If you're smoking in a designated area, you have the right to do so, without the comments. (And I'm not even a smoker).

I can also relate to the fear of letting the anger out and not being able to reel it back in. I fear I'm going to devolve into a Jerry Springer guest. LOL

Sometimes, the person who says nothing is the strongest of all. Still waters run deep. Now if only I could take my own advice...

I think your perpetrator was angry and looking for an easy target, and wanted you to take the bait, and I think it could have gotten nasty. One day, she'll do it to the wrong person. I think the best response to the sarcastic "cool" comment might have been a "Thanks." LOL