Social Awkwardness is ruining my life

[dave76]

Where to begin. Well, I've recently started college after just leaving high school. I've been there for 3 months and because of my awkward shyness or social awkwardness (whatever you want to call it) I've made 0 friends. I don't really know where to start, to be honest. It really is ruining my life, even with my family. Whenever I talk to strangers or distant family (like cousins or brother in law) I blush, no matter what the topic. I havent even had a conversation with a girl since I was in 9th grade in middle school. The blushing is horrible, it happens on a daily basis. I just want to know, how can I get rid of it, what can I do? The fact I've got 0 friends doesnt really bother me as I prefer to be by myself because I don't really like social situations. It would also mean I wouldn't have to leave the house. I just wish I could get over this quickly, because I'd like to make some friends and meet some women. Just thinking about, I don't even know how to approach a woman. I would really appreciate some advice on this. Thanks

[precious007]

It's all about being brave and taking life as is.

First accept yourself the way you are and never try to appear/pose with a mask on your face if you know what I mean. Just be you!

[toouuyy]

Almost everything about a person comes down to the way they think.

Most of the great figures in psychology would tell you that self esteem as we view it in our society is an illness, Buddha, Epictetus, Seneca especially Albert Ellis who is a damn hero.

True confidence has nothing to do with believing you are "good" at dealing with people, the wikipedia page for confidence sums it up nicely google "confidence wiki" and check it out.

Confidence is about basically not giving a crap about the outcome of a social endeavour but doing your best.

I recommend you read some Albert Ellis, maybe The Myth of Self Esteem or A guide to Rational Living.

Albert Ellis was the godfather of cognitive behavioural therapy, his therapy was called rational emotive behavioural therapy. His basic point was that any problem a human has arises from the way they think about the subject, and that generally people have irrational beliefs at the root of their problems. He once forced himself to talk to every single girl that sat on a bench near his house even though he was terrified, as he knew that it was illogical and irrational to fear what another person thought of him and he became an incredible public speaker.

The reason that self-esteem was to him an illness was that it created a belief "i am good with social situations" in a person that they assumed was a "good" belief to have. In actuality this belief only sets a person up to have their ego hurt in that if they have a social encounter that in their mind didn't go so well, it will knock their confidence as they have told themselves that is good to be good in social situations. Ellis would instead advocate going into a social situation with the idea of "i don't know if this will be good or bad, but i know that it doesn't matter either way, as i will go on with my life".

I know this stuff could work for you because you already have sense enough to know that you can be happy without needing peoples approval, and you just want some company. I seriously recommend these books as they explain all this stuff in a far better way than i ever could and it has done wonders for me, i no longer have social problems and can get on with anyone, because my happiness doesn't depend on their approval i don't worry about meeting people, and naturally do better with them as i appear relaxed and welcoming.

Good luck dude feel free to message me if you want any more help.

[alexandros]

i have similar feelings when it comes to talking with girls, strangers, or people in general. i think that just trying to get rid of that feelings (blush, strangness, shyness, etc.) makes the problem even worse cause you just try to repress it. i believe we should just say to the person we're talking too how we feel at that precise moment. but then, by saying that all those feelings could get even worse. it's kinda difficult circle, i recon. anyway, i think the second option is still the best one.