Social Anxiety and Relationship Issues

[kellybean]

Hello, I am new to this forum and I'd like to talk about some of the concerns I've been having lately. I've been reallllly shy for most of my life. When I was a child, people would always tell me I'd grow out of it, etc etc except I never did. Now, it's gotten to the point where I'm so self-absorbed, thinking about the impression I'm making on others, it's almost impossible for me to open up. It's really hard for me to maintain relationships because I'm so quiet and have crazy mood swings. To make things worse, I have a fear of taking medicines. I kind of see taking anti-depressants and social anxiety medication like playing a russian roulette with my brain. They might make the symptoms better, might make them worse. I used to take medications when I was younger but came to the conclusions that their side effects were just as bad as the actual anxiety/depression.

Okay, so my main concern right now is how to not lose my boyfriend. I'm afraid I am just going to keep pushing him away with my worries and mood swings. We've talked about it some, he's a pretty understanding guy and doesn't mind that I'm not as outgoing as he is but I still worry.

I pretty much feel I've almost hit the bottom of a dark hole. I don't know what to do or how to deal with my feelings. I just feel like a freak, like no one can relate to how I feel. This might sound petty but I'm so worried no one will love me for me, even with all of my insecurities.

It's so hard to stay positive when this is all I can think about. Makes me feel like I'm crazy :/ Help! Advice and tips please! Any insight at all would be SOO helpful!

[Robbed]

Unfortunately, I'm probably not the best person to offer you advice on dealing with social problems, as I am, to some degree, in the same boat myself. But I can tell you one thing here: stop worrying about medication. You are probably not missing out on much (if anything) by not taking it. ESPECIALLY if you felt that the side effects were worse than the problem when you tried taking medication in the past. And even when meds work their best, it's not like there is a pill out there that is going to turn you into a social dynamo.

[PopTart]

I took medication from ages 9 to 17 and came to the same conclusion.. I really do think that they made my symptoms worse in the long run. I'm now 21 years old and looking back I can I say I'm MUCH better now then I was at 15-17.

It really doesn't make sense to me why medication is given to small children and even adolescents considering that their brain is still growing... instead of letting them learn how to deal with emotions on their own their given a pill and I think that it actually stunts a child's natural brain development and makes them more prone to mental disorders later in life.

I'm not totally against medication.. I think it's helpful when used on a temporary basis in order to stabilize someone.. like if your having a panic attack or having really bad symptoms that you can't manage on your own.. but it needs to be coupled with therapy where your can learn coping skills and make any necessary changes in your daily habits/routine. Figure out the "root" of whats making you feel so bad.. whether it's unresolved issues, stress at work/home, too busy/not active enough.. ect. I've got a slew of mental problems and I find being active and having a well-rounded routine with minimal drama is most effective.

[PopTart]

Okay, so my main concern right now is how to not lose my boyfriend. I'm afraid I am just going to keep pushing him away with my worries and mood swings. We've talked about it some, he's a pretty understanding guy and doesn't mind that I'm not as outgoing as he is but I still worry.

I pretty much feel I've almost hit the bottom of a dark hole. I don't know what to do or how to deal with my feelings. I just feel like a freak, like no one can relate to how I feel. This might sound petty but I'm so worried no one will love me for me, even with all of my insecurities.

It's so hard to stay positive when this is all I can think about. Makes me feel like I'm crazy :/ Help! Advice and tips please! Any insight at all would be SOO helpful!

You should talk to your boyfriend about it more and tell him about your concerns, it helps to get it off your chest.. ask him to be open with you and to address any concerns he might have. But don't overwhelm him either.. I've made the mistake of overloading my worries/insecurities.. onto people many times and it never ends well.

Try not to worry too much esp about what your boyfriend is thinking or feeling.. try not to over-analyze things, make assumptions, rationalize your emotions. Just let things be!

Please do not put ALL your focus on your boyfriend!! He needs space and so do you! Make sure you set aside some time for yourself.. watch a movie, read a book, take a bath, hang out with friends and get your mind on something other than your boyfriend. If you don't have friends.. make some! Things will become overwhelming for the both of you if you don't.

I had a boyfriend when I was 18 and the infatuation started to wear off 8 months into the relationship. Because he was my first "real boyfriend" I didn't realize that this is just what happens in long-term relationships so I started to freak out and assumed that something was wrong.. I eventually started to look for signs that things were wrong and kept accusing him of not telling me what was bothering him.. I wound up breaking up with him as a result. I regretted it for some time, cried a lot, but eventually got over it. When I did get over it I went out and had a lot of fun. In hindsight I realize that ending the relationship was inevitable, he was a good 7 years older than me and we were both at very different points in our lives so I figure it was just time for us to go in separate directions. He needed to do his thing and I needed to grow. I'm just happy for the experience, him and I made some great- beautiful memories that still make me smile from time to time.