Intentional sleep deprivation

[ScrabbledEgg]

Hi.

I'm new here but not new to anxiety. I have GAD and have been on meds (first Celexa, now Lexapro) for about 8 years.

Strangely, my anxiety is worse AFTER a big event than before it. I imagine I did something embarrassing or hurtful or I magnify something actually embarrassing or hurtful into a much larger issue than it actually was. By morning everythign is fine again. I suppose this is all coming to a head now because my high school class reunion was Saturday. Anyway ... here's the thing now ...

I'm wondering if anyone can relate to my issues with sleep. Night has always been a hard time for me -- less so since meds. It used to be really terrible. Ruminating thoughts, etc. I play scenes from the day over and over in my mind criticizing myself for something I said or did and I can't sleep. Not being able to fall asleep makes me more anxious. I don't want to deal with the stress of not being able to fall asleep and I avoid that by not gonig to bed. Instead I distracting myself with books and computers until I am utterly exhausted and then I sleep. (Not a great strategy since I have a job to get up for in the morning!)

I do this to prevent the I-cant-fall-asleep anxiety but I think I also kind of subconsciously do it to punish myself by sleep deprivation. Tomorrow I'm going to be miserable because of lack of sleep. Then I'll be anxious about that. I'm setting myself up for a disastrous week.

Can anybody relate to this? Or am I alone?

Thanks.

[Belle]

It's strange reading your post because I used to do the same thing and never read anyone desribe 'me' before. That was me as a child, teenager and early 20's (not that I'm old ofcourse ;) )
I don't do it anymore, probably because having a baby and a husband exhausts me enough and I don't have time to think at all anymore and sleep is my saviour lol...
I can't say I have any advice, sorry about that, I don't remember doing anything to help it, it's just what I used to do and eventually I just stopped doing it. Maybe it's because I don't go out as much, or I'm just so tired in the day I crave sleep, maybe it's just something I grew out? My personality has changed somewhat over the years too it's hard to explain but I don't go over conversations and scenarios in my head and can relax alot more. I've been through some pretty stressful things in my life since then too but I still don't lay awake thinking so much and nothing keeps me awake anymore whereas as before it would have. I don't know, it's a strange one. I guess time heals everything?

[ScrabbledEgg]

Thanks for responding, Belle. It helps to know I'm not alone. I hope you are right that this will get better as I age. I'm 38 now so I'm hoping any day now!! Maybe I need to burn more energy during the day so I'm more tired at night. (I'm a bit of a couch potato.)

[Belle]

Oh no lol What I really meant was it got better for me over time as things changed in my life, not that you'll grow up one day, that came out wrong!!!
:lol:
I found swimming at night and exercise does wonders for sleep, it's really helped me alot in the past, but at the moment I'm also a couch potato, I have no energy for that even, but I have it in mind to change it soon fingers crossed.
Um, I think computers at night, tv and anything stimulating won't help the mind switch off, but I know I tried all those thing in the past and lying in bed still trying to go to sleep never calmed my mind, so yeah I think you're right, what you do in the day will help more.

[Steve_P]

Hi.

I'm new here but not new to anxiety. I have GAD and have been on meds (first Celexa, now Lexapro) for about 8 years.

Strangely, my anxiety is worse AFTER a big event than before it. I imagine I did something embarrassing or hurtful or I magnify something actually embarrassing or hurtful into a much larger issue than it actually was. By morning everythign is fine again. I suppose this is all coming to a head now because my high school class reunion was Saturday. Anyway ... here's the thing now ...

I'm wondering if anyone can relate to my issues with sleep. Night has always been a hard time for me -- less so since meds. It used to be really terrible. Ruminating thoughts, etc. I play scenes from the day over and over in my mind criticizing myself for something I said or did and I can't sleep. Not being able to fall asleep makes me more anxious. I don't want to deal with the stress of not being able to fall asleep and I avoid that by not gonig to bed. Instead I distracting myself with books and computers until I am utterly exhausted and then I sleep. (Not a great strategy since I have a job to get up for in the morning!)

I do this to prevent the I-cant-fall-asleep anxiety but I think I also kind of subconsciously do it to punish myself by sleep deprivation. Tomorrow I'm going to be miserable because of lack of sleep. Then I'll be anxious about that. I'm setting myself up for a disastrous week.

Can anybody relate to this? Or am I alone?

Thanks.
You're certainly not alone! Nighttime was always the worst for me, I couldn't fall asleep without some form of medication, alcohol, and distractions such as television. I would also busy myself to the point of exhaustion and often fall asleep sitting up with the lights on.

Some things that helped me... start regularly exercising, it helps get rid of nervous energy and helps regulate your sleeping patterns naturally, making it easier to fall asleep. Explore meditation - overcoming your fear of night time silence is key to your recovery, and meditation is a very powerful tool.

[binkerK]

Hi this has totally related to me as I too have trouble sleeping it isnt every night every other night. and im not taking any meds at all, not that i disagree just i was brought up to help yourself and it is very challenging an hard some times nights are just terrible and my partner neva knows what to do. as i keep him awake tossing an turning i listen to the radio,i read but keep thinking of things not important i cant just be here in the here and now! im always thinking what if or I wonder. some days in work i just about mak eit through in a daze. iv tried the gym to physically exhaust myself that doesnt work . i then get agiatated at myself and angry. I do take Kalms which premote natural sleep herbal remedy which can help but otherwise just sleepless nights.