New to the forum anxiety/agoraphobia/panic attacks

[babybluekelly]

Hello everyone. I am finally trying to reach out and talk to other people about problems I have. It's starting to get so out of control and I don't know who else to talk to. I am 24 and I am suffering from extreme anxiety and agoraphobia. I have always had problems with anxiety and stress and depression but I always thought I was just a worrywart but now I know that I have no control over my life. Things started getting really bad a little over a year ago. I was in a five year relationship and found out my boyfriend was cheating. At first I was too consumed with sadness to really realize how bad my anxiety was getting but now it gets so bad it's almost impossible for me to leave the house. I think part of it was that he was my safe person and I didn't even realize it. For me it's not about the open space but rather the lack of control I have when I'm out in the world. I get dizzy, I panic, I get so sick to my stomach sometimes I can't leave the bathroom, everything get's fuzzy and I absolutely can't eat away from home and even when I am home I eat so little. When I know that I have to go out somewhere I count the days/hours till then and I can't stop thinking about it and I get more and more stressed. I am better with work than with school, I think this is because work is two minutes away and I can drive mysefl there and with school I have to catch a bus and it takes 30-40 minutes. Everytime I have to go somewhere I convince myself to stay home, even though it's ruining my life. I have to finish this last course at University to get my degree but everyday I trick myself into not going because I have panic attacks. I don't want to fail this class but I don't know what to do, if I tell the professor about my problem he'll probably tell me too bad and drop the course and that is not an option. I don't know what to do with my life anymore. I'm only 24 I want to live, I want to meet new people, I want to fall in love again someday, I want to be happy. It's completely eating me up inside and the stress is killing me. Most days I have so much tension and anxiety I end up taking several sedatives (mostly gravol) so I'll just pass out and not have to be awake for anything. I hate that I need/want to make myself numb just so I can get through the days. My family/friends know there's something not right but I can't really show them how bad it is. I know they love me but I also know they think I'm just overly sensitive and a "drama queen" I thought maybe talking to other people could help because I am losing control so fast. I'm lucky if I can convince myself to leave the house two or three times a week. I don't know what else to say but that I hope to hear from people who have similar problems as me and that I am willing to listen to anyone who needs an ear to talk to. If nothing else at least I got to vent a little.

[soshy]

Hi Babybluekelly, and welcome to the Forum. I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time. You seem to have a very busy schedule and having anxiety on top of everything must be terrible :( !

I can relate to many things you mentioned. I remember working and going to school and that alone is stressful. I had a long-term relationship end over a year ago under different circumstances, but it took a toll on me. That's horrible that he was cheating. No one deserves that. He was to scared to give you up and cheating hurts and can leave a scar. Shame on him!

You are not alone. There are so many people with anxiety; and you will find other members on this forum who are going through the same "crisis" and difficulties as you are.

I really doubt you are a "drama queen." People and especially family sometimes say the wrong things because they may be fighting their own demons or are clueless to this condition.

When my anxiety use to be bad, I prayed for a coma...I just wanted to sleep it all away...so, I understand exactly what you mean about not wanting to be awake or conscious for anything.

You can overcome anxiety/panic attacks. It's all about replacing negative thoughts with positive. Sounds too simple or ridiculous probably for you right now because I know you feel very scared and just awful, but it does work! That's how I got better. With a lot of determination and the right tools, you can put this in the past and live the life you want.

I highly recommend cognitive behavioral therapy (cbt) on a weekly basis. It is the recommend treatment for anxiety. Have you seen a doctor or therapist? Sometimes medications in the beginning can help quite a bit. Maybe you could get a doctor's note for class - I did when I was in school and was missing some classes.

There are many ways to start helping yourself; and you already have by coming here and posting. The best way to tackle this is to educate yourself on anxiety/panic. It really helped me to learn what my body and mind are doing, because once you learn what's going on physiologically it's so much easier to calm yourself down.

You will get better. I promise. If you cannot believe it now, we will believe for you until you do. This is treatable.

Come back soon and let us know how you are doing :) !

soshy