Malerin
11-01-2009, 04:02 AM
I'm writing this for anyone who is interested in a firsthand account of going benzo free. I may fail in the end, but there's something to be said about the journey itself.
I started on Klonopin when I was 22 and have been taking 2.5mg once a day for the past 12 years for general anxiety (*Edited to change "twice" to "once"). One day I woke up in August and decided enough was enough.
1. My dosage consists of 5 half-mg tablets spread out throughout the day. For the first week, I cut down to 4.5 pills. Aside from the "cottonmouth" jittery feeling I get when I haven't had a pill in awhile, no major side effects to report.
2. On Week 2, I foolishly cut another half-pill off my dosage. That was a hell of a week. I had restless leg, insomnia, and this horrible feeling of depersonalization always lurking in the back of my mind. I have a rule that I cannot increase a dose for any reason, but I can certainly...plateua for a while.
3. Week 3 was much better. Some of the symptoms began to fade, though RLS is a bitch when you're trying to go to sleep. Had a panicky moment in the shower, but rode it out and all was well.
4. I decided to plateua for another week and get used to 4 pills a day. I realized that at this pace, it would take another 4 months to completely wean myself. Seemed hopeless.
5. Another half-pill cut for a week. Taking 3.5 pills a day now. Was very proud of myself. I saw things moving in my periphial vision sometimes. That was very unsettling.
6. Another week at 3.5 pills., and hello depersonalization! For anyone who hasn't experienced it, I hope you never have the pleasure. I wouldn't wish DP on my worst enemy. I distracted myself as much as possible during this time, but this was the closest I came to giving up.
7. I tried a week at 3.25 pills. I wanted to take it very slow. I'm sorry to say that even knowing better, I added alcohol to the mix.
8. Another week at 3.25. Cutting a quarter off the pill each two weeks seems to be working better. The DP has faded somewhat. Drinking is still a problem. Hard to sleep. The goal is to get off Klonopin- all other vices are temporarily rescinded.
9. Dropped down to 3 pills a day. I noticed I seemed to be more in touch with myself (and I felt things more clearly too. Little anxiety humor there). My son came home very depressed from his first day of school, and I cried with him. I can't remember last time I cried. Decade ago?
10. Another week at 3 pills. RLS and insomnia came back. DP faded in the background. Been taking Ambien for insomnia, but I'm careful to only do it a couple times a week. Very little anxiety through the whole process. My wife was worried about my drinking, so I didn't have anything this week. No repeat of the moving things at the edge of my vision. That was strange!
11. Last week I went down to 2 and 3/4 pills a day. I hardly think of the DP, but my level of anxiety has increased. But there are non-medicinal ways of dealing with that. Don't have as much insomnia as before.
12. Current week at 2 and 3/4 pills a day. I have been sleeping well, and feeling OK. Some anxiety. Am going to go to 2 and 1/2 pills on Monday. That's a milestone for me. This is an agonizingly slow process and I get depressed thinking that for all these weeks, I'm still only halfway there.
Will keep anyone reading this updated.
I started on Klonopin when I was 22 and have been taking 2.5mg once a day for the past 12 years for general anxiety (*Edited to change "twice" to "once"). One day I woke up in August and decided enough was enough.
1. My dosage consists of 5 half-mg tablets spread out throughout the day. For the first week, I cut down to 4.5 pills. Aside from the "cottonmouth" jittery feeling I get when I haven't had a pill in awhile, no major side effects to report.
2. On Week 2, I foolishly cut another half-pill off my dosage. That was a hell of a week. I had restless leg, insomnia, and this horrible feeling of depersonalization always lurking in the back of my mind. I have a rule that I cannot increase a dose for any reason, but I can certainly...plateua for a while.
3. Week 3 was much better. Some of the symptoms began to fade, though RLS is a bitch when you're trying to go to sleep. Had a panicky moment in the shower, but rode it out and all was well.
4. I decided to plateua for another week and get used to 4 pills a day. I realized that at this pace, it would take another 4 months to completely wean myself. Seemed hopeless.
5. Another half-pill cut for a week. Taking 3.5 pills a day now. Was very proud of myself. I saw things moving in my periphial vision sometimes. That was very unsettling.
6. Another week at 3.5 pills., and hello depersonalization! For anyone who hasn't experienced it, I hope you never have the pleasure. I wouldn't wish DP on my worst enemy. I distracted myself as much as possible during this time, but this was the closest I came to giving up.
7. I tried a week at 3.25 pills. I wanted to take it very slow. I'm sorry to say that even knowing better, I added alcohol to the mix.
8. Another week at 3.25. Cutting a quarter off the pill each two weeks seems to be working better. The DP has faded somewhat. Drinking is still a problem. Hard to sleep. The goal is to get off Klonopin- all other vices are temporarily rescinded.
9. Dropped down to 3 pills a day. I noticed I seemed to be more in touch with myself (and I felt things more clearly too. Little anxiety humor there). My son came home very depressed from his first day of school, and I cried with him. I can't remember last time I cried. Decade ago?
10. Another week at 3 pills. RLS and insomnia came back. DP faded in the background. Been taking Ambien for insomnia, but I'm careful to only do it a couple times a week. Very little anxiety through the whole process. My wife was worried about my drinking, so I didn't have anything this week. No repeat of the moving things at the edge of my vision. That was strange!
11. Last week I went down to 2 and 3/4 pills a day. I hardly think of the DP, but my level of anxiety has increased. But there are non-medicinal ways of dealing with that. Don't have as much insomnia as before.
12. Current week at 2 and 3/4 pills a day. I have been sleeping well, and feeling OK. Some anxiety. Am going to go to 2 and 1/2 pills on Monday. That's a milestone for me. This is an agonizingly slow process and I get depressed thinking that for all these weeks, I'm still only halfway there.
Will keep anyone reading this updated.