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View Full Version : Can't Stop Beating Myself UP



pendlebear
09-16-2009, 10:01 AM
I am fairly new here. About 3 months ago two stray dogs found their way to our house which is way out in the country. Obviously someone had abandoned them. They were about 2-3 years old and the female was pregnant. We fed the dogs, birthed the puppies (7 of them) and cared for them, so of course we got attached to them, even though I am allergic. Long story short, the male attacked the female one day and drew blood so we had to have animal control take him, the puppies were adopted. We just had the female, who was a sweet, loving dog, but very traumatized from whoever abandoned her. Slowly she began to develop even more anxiety and wouldn't let us leave the house, then she began chewing on wood, doorframes, etc., then our bushes & shrubs. I know she was anxious - can you see where this is going? Her anxiety and destructive behavior pushed me over the edge and we had to call animal control again. If we could have gotten her to walk on a leash we could have gotten her to a no-kill shelter, but she was terrified of the leash and would not walk. We tried everything. I know in my heart that we did everything for these dogs, I called, emailed, posted notices, etc., but I am still beating myself up for having her taken to the shelter. My anxiety has skyrocketed and so has my depression, I feel like I am going to have a breakdown, I am so riddled with guilt. I pray that God will forgive me. Need advice, I feel like I'm going under. :cry:

pendlebear
09-16-2009, 11:37 AM
Forgot to mention I am currently on 40 mg of fluoxetine and .5 mg of lorazepam when needed. I still feel desperate, may have to call my doctor about upping the fluox. Feeling very low today.

Midnight Sky
09-18-2009, 06:08 AM
there is a very clear and logic reason why guilt is misplaced in this instance: the sick can only take care of the sick to some extent. the strong take care of the weak, and right now, u r weak urself, u r in no position to take on such a huge responsibility at the moment. let someone handle it who has the strength! when u're on a plane they tell u to put the oxygen mask on urself before u help anyone else. the same applies to everything else in life. u have to save urself first, otherwise ull never help anyone anyway.

pendlebear
09-18-2009, 07:54 AM
Midnight Sky - I never thought about it like that. You have given me something to ponder. I have an appt with my doctor on Tuesday to see if my med needs to be adjusted or has stopped working. You are right, though, I need to take care of myself now. I just want to feel good again, I am just so sad. Thank you for taking the time to write and to care. You don't know how much that means to me now. It has given me hope.

Midnight Sky
09-18-2009, 08:50 AM
u're welcome, i'm glad i cud bring a new perspective into this :)