i feel like a discarded valentine

[haroldnmaude422]

well,..it seems i'm the first to talk on here...i just wanted to talk alittle outloud..about how much i hate my depression..hate being a strong word i know..but...i hate it..i hate how..when i'm in it..it seems like ill never get another gasp of air..the apathy that fills my lungs..the suicidal thoughts..that constantly pound inside my head and heart...and it just takes over..drapes over everything..and nothing seems important..friends..work....if i had a dollar for every job and friend ive gone through...id be a millionaire..well at least 100 dollars richer..:)~
i cant keep jobs..or anyone close besides for the anxiety.. once the depression kicks in i'm done for..and its the lonliest..darkest place you could ever find yourself..and every single bone in my body feels like mush..and my stomach feels like a rock tumbler..everything has been sucked out and replaced ...with nothing...crying none stop..passing out eventually, exhausted..clenched...and nothing can make you feel better..not all the mylar balloons..or chocolate peanut butter ice cream...all i can do is wait..one..one thousand..two one thousand,..
and cling to the hope that it will pass...
and so far...it always does..the big dips at least..the mild constant maliase is doable..but no livable..
i'm definately not..living....

[shoe]

harold, sorry things are so rough.

hate is definitely not a strong word for how much i loathe and despise depression! hehe, it truly is the worst.
I've been there, wallowing in despair, drowning in my own misery, even thinking suicidal thoughts at one point. it isnt fun at all

I think you gotta try to do what means the most to you at those times, what gives you some pleasure, or some hope. At my lowest point I took a loan out and went and had the time of my life on a cruise in the carribean. That was the best thing I have ever done, and I'm happy I did it. Only problem is I had to pay off the bills afterward, doh! hehe.. but it's fine - as long as I get the chance to do it again ;)

Do you do anything to try and cope with your depression? I believe I read in another of your post that you do exercise, thats definitely a mood lifter :). I had a list of ideas myself that I kept at home that seemed to help me out a little, but often times I was opposed to the idea of doing anything, even something I usually considered 'enjoyable'.. its like somehow my mind gets addicted to the depressed apathetic state.. Even though the depression is not pleasant, its what I'm familiar with, even comfortable with in a weird way... *sigh*

mine actually isn't too bad presently.. but its always there lurking somewhere beneath the surface, trying to pull me down. da*n you, you foul beast :P

[desperateDave]

im always depressed too, everything i do winds up in failure and disappointment. I dont know how to cheer myself up only sometimes I can tune the sadness out with music or tv but it snaps back so quick.

[klb]

Im glad you all are able to talk about your feelings...that is healthy to get it all out of your system...