well hello

[haroldnmaude422]

late night insomniatic binge ...and i found this place..no harm in joining up and saying hello...always trying to be the underdog cheerleader for myself.. i just moved back home with my parents..quit my job..(i keep thinking of seinfeld and george..saying to a women in the diner..i live at home and i'm unemployed would you like to go out sometime?).and have been home bound for the past two weeks..almost..i come and go with these hitting bottom moments..and i usually swoop down to rescue myself..it would be nice to know someone(s) who knew what it was like to circle the food store parking lot..and then drive home..who knows what that metalic taste of pure fear tastes like..as you've locked yourself in a bathroom stall at work is like...how its possible to sleep for 24 hours..without drugs..just because its so damn nice to just not be awake sometimes..how no matter what rational explanation you give yourself during pep talks to go out..it doesnt matter ...you still cant leave...
things of that sort...slightly annoyed at hearing..buck up..snap out of it type responses...really annoyed actually...
okay enough rambling...lets keep it short and simple with...
hello.

[duddits]

Hi, Haroldnmaude422, we're glad :) you've found this place and we welcome you to the Anxiety Forum.

I think a lot of the social anxiety sufferers, at this forum, know what it's like to drive around in a circle around a store parking lot then just to go home to do nothing, because they fear the crowds associated with those places. Trust me, you are not alone when you feel that way. The usual responses, from our friends and family, such as "buck up" or "face your fears" are non-helpful because the lack an of understanding about a mental disorder. There is also a stigma also attached to mental health.

Haroldnmaude, do you actually know what you have; second are you seeking treatment for the depression and anxiety disorder that you have?

[shoe]

hi harold, welcome!

I too have those times when I feel I've hit rock bottom. I have taken literally months off of work just because the anxiety & depression have taken a hold of me. Its not as easy to do now as it was because I have bills I have to pay - but I would probably do it again if I could.

I also love to sleep too - not only is it a great escape, its also somewhat pleasurable - my dark moods, anxiety, fears etc are all cast aside and I can enjoy my (slumbering) existence, hehe

And I agree, those unhelpful "get over it" comments from people really are annoying, if only it were that easy!

[haroldnmaude422]

in reply to james..no..i actually dont know what i have...dissociative disorder was the first actual some what diagnosis ive gotten in years.(.and that was last year.).ive been in therapy since i was 14...i think ive gone through about 8 or 9 of them...and at this point ive just given up on therapy..ive been on meds for over 10 years..and still am on them..i'm giving celexa(?) a try this time..(after years of being on zoloft.).i have had thee worst therapists ever created in medical school..i am a sexual abuse/rape survivor..and i have had therapist call me a tease..ive had therapist during my teen years and self mutilation attempts tell me to knock it off, or say try doing it where no one can notice..to eat a salad instead of binge eating..ive had them cry through my whole sessions, ive had them do the tough love thing and just say get over it,my frist therapy visit i had them laugh with my parents and say i should be a janitor since i spent so much time having panic attacks in the bathroom(i was 14) ive had them try to hug me through soppy tears(im not a big hugger),ive made the promises not to kill myself, and yet never talked to about the depression..ive been scolded for sleeping for over 24 hours..and crying non stop for days for no apparent reason..and once again not talked to about maybe this was a sign of depression... ive had some that i loved but only cause we talked about movies and books,..and ive had some that were so angry and used the f word every other word..and were basically training me for a mental militia, ive had some that talked about there kids and childhood fears of fireworks growing up in isreal, and a lot that i think just liked the sound of there voice and told me things i had already figured out alone in the pyschology section during 8th grade lunch in the library...so its basically been just me figuring out what works and doesnt work..i really have no idea that other people get scared and freaked out and cant do things..and that its okay..everyone has always treated me like it was a flaky self indulgent thing..so i just keep inside..do deep breathing..self affirmation..no more self mutilation,..i treat myself to movies i love, good books,..when i'm feeling suicidal i do everything i can to "cheer" myself up..as i imagine a good friend would..this sometimes helps if i feel the depression before it hits..its like sensing rain coming..you feel it in your bones..as for my anxiety..i push myself every day...and i dont let it stop me (try not to..) if i need a rest and i know i cant or shouldnt do something i dont..but i travel still..sure i cry the whole time, make enourmous trips to the bathrooms,..i shake,..i freak out..it takes longer most times..but i try to just do what i want to do..its tough...especially when my friends dont get it..and i should be at shows and going to bars..and sometimes..i just dont feel like going through the ritual..and putting up with the pain and intense fear that goes along with it...hmm..okay that was a huge cathartic ramble..wasnt it?

[LemonSherbet]

Hello back..

[LemonSherbet]

this was a long time ago, I hope ebveryone involved is OK

[LemonSherbet]

everyone - not 'eberyone'

[LemonSherbet]

I hope you don't mind, I'm trying to increment my post count so I can give full and meaningfiul replies without the posts being eaten.

[Dahila]

NP go ahead, and welcome to the forum

[LemonSherbet]

Thanks Dahlia, but in retrospect a massive waste of time and effort on my part.
Anyway, I'd like to think all these old threads ended happly somewhere off-screen and all those inactive users are off living their best lives.
The best of luck to you.