really loosing it.,

[wantofeelbetter]

i cant tell anymore. am i dying or is this anxiety? i dont belive that something thats mental can feel so physcial. even when im not having an attack, i get headaches, dizzy, this isnt normal.

ive had bloodwork done, and it came out normal. i was to scared to get an mri, because im scared its going to make my biggest fears come true.

i keep thinking my body is failing....it ALWAYS comes in the worse when im trying to sleep. i feel not myself, dizzy, my body is wobbly, i feel like im 5 mins. from death. the mornings are the t, until it hits me and i remember i have these problems.

i dont know what to do anymore.

my left half of my body always feels so weird, and the right part of my head always has headaches and weird dizzy falling feeling. ....


im giving myself a week until this tumor or whatever takes me over :(

[cherry_soleil]

OK when I am sitting down or laying down I have the exact feeling like you describe. Whether I close my eyes or have them open I will feeling like I am falling. I also feel like impending doom some days. It's normal trust me and if you have a tumor then I have one too I guess.

[Charlene]

Hello wantofeelbetter, I have a huge response here for you...you might want to settle into a comfy position.

I know you desperately want to feel better. And I want so much to help. I hope what I say brings you some comfort.

As I'm sure you now know, the strange physical feelings that you're experiencing are very common amongst anxiety sufferers. You are not alone. There is a physiological explanation to your anxiety symptoms and they are all connected to your thoughts.

As it is right now, you're probably thinking "But I haven't been thinking about anything for the last little while. There's no way I'm feeling this way because of a thought." But the truth is, you are. The very thought of not having a thought is a thought. In your brain, you have what's called the neocortex. And when it perceives a threat (whether it's real or imagined), it puts you in a state of high alert. Your hypothalamus (also in your brain) releases chemicals which sends messages to your pituitary gland (another part of your brain). The pituitary gland receives this message and makes up a hormone which is sent down to your adrenal glands. Once your adrenal glands receive this message, they in turn release another hormone, (called adrenaline) and this is what causes you to shake, tremor, sweat and feel a rapid heart beat. When your body begins to react to these chemicals, your brain receives the message that your body is uncomfortable. This message is received by your frontal lobe, and you begin to worry. With more worry, this produces more chemicals being released by your brain, which once again travel back on down to your adrenal glands, pumping more adrenaline through your system, causing you to have continuous unpleasant body sensations. In a nutshell, the brain senses a threat (brought on by a thought), the brain sends a message to the body to react. The body reacts with strange sensations. The brain notices the body feels strange. The brain reacts to this "strangeness" and sends more messages back to the body....and so on. It goes around and around and around from brain to body to brain to body again.

You are stuck in a mind-loop. You feel trapped and you don't know how to get off of this merry-go-round. But please know, all of this can stop. It is all in your power, all within your reach. You need to first try to understand that these feelings can not harm you. They are not dangerous. They are only feelings. And they are brought on by your thoughts. You are afraid of the feelings. It is your perception of the feelings that you're experiencing that is making things seem so unbearable.

To overcome this, it honestly takes tremendous will and determination. You have been thinking a certain way for quite some time and you have basically trained your brain/body to react as though there is a continuous threat. You will need to spend as much time as possible, day in, day out, reprogramming your brain. The way to do it is by first knowing you won't die from your body symptoms. You must drill this deep into your head by repeating the thought often. And I don't mean for just one day. You will need to do it all the time. Eventually, you will believe it. One day you will wake up and realize that you won't die from these unwanted, unbearable, most uncomfortable, often painful, body sensations. You also need to tell yourself that you are okay, that you can go on feeling these sensations and yet, you will still be okay. In time, you will believe this too. You also need to teach yourself to become aware of your thoughts (trust me, they aren't as rosey as you might think). As soon as you hear your inner dialogue say anything negative, you have to turn it around. So if you hear yourself say "This isn't working. There's no hope. Why won't this stop?" Did you just hear yourself? This is negative. This is adding fuel to your fear. Put out the fear wantofeelbetter. Tell yourself "Okay. I feel really strange right now. My head is spacey. I feel dizzy, like I'm off balance. But that's okay. I'm going to take my time here. I'm not going to rush. I'll just carry on and know that in time, things will get better." I promise you, wanttofeelbetter, you will slowly but surely begin to notice a difference in time. It's not a matter of snapping your fingers and saying Presto! It's gone! It won't go away like that. You need to change your habitual thinking - - begin to think in a new way - - and once you do, you will see that you are invincible! That you can make it through! And you will!

[wantofeelbetter]

Charlene, thank you for your words. i really do want to get better. its like a constant struggle between body and mind. right when i tell myself this is all in my head, my mind instantly switches it over to physical problems. its like a constant cat and mouse game. new physical symptoms arise all the time, leading me to think this disease (cancer, tumors, MS, whatever it is) is progressing. it seems the only thing that helps is REALLY intense physical things, like long long bike rides, jogs, etc...

i think im going to make one more appointment for a doctor, and ask to see a neurologist. maybe finally getting this MRI will ease my mind, or expose something deeper, which in turn, will make things make sense.

here's to future days....

[Charlene]

Hi wantofeelbetter,

I'm glad that you've found some relief (biking, etc.) while burning off all that pent up energy. You're putting all that adrenaline to good use! Use it up, it's a great way to help combat anxiety, although more than just exercise will be needed to overcome it.

Whenever we experience anything (whether it's real or imagined), that experience gets stored in our memory. And through association, we can re-experience those feelings when the right environmental triggers occur. This can work to your advantage or disadvantage, depending on your perception of your experience. If you are feeling fearful of unwanted body symptoms, this is a bad experience for you. And subconsciously, those moments are being stored into your memory. Without cognitive behavioural therapy (you can learn this on your own or learn it from a therapist), you won't develop the skills you need in order to defuse those anxious triggers when they arise. And with life, anxiety is a part of it.

Scheduling for an MRI can take quite a while (a couple of months or so), so in the meantime, why not begin with researching tools and skills to use to help combat your anxiety? You have nothing to lose and so much to gain.