New and need to support

[swheeler25]

I am new to this forum, but not new to anxiety. I had my first panic attack in 1989 at the age of 29. That kind of tells my age (47). I have had every anxiety symptom "known to man." When I first started having attacks, I ran to the doctor for EVERYTHING! Now I just chalk every symptom up to anxiety. I left Atlanta(in a hurry) when I first started having panic attacks, quit my job, and moved to a small town in North Georgia. I started back to church, read a book on anxiety, and never had another attack again. Relaxation techniques cured my panic attacks. I say I have never had another attack, but I have so-o-o-o many symptoms of anxiety. I quit my job as a second grade teacher 4 years ago beacause I became emetophobic (fear of vomiting). They all keep a stomach bug. Prior to that, I was a cardiac nurse (very stressful). Now, I teach college. I have a great job that causes NO anxiety. However, I still have symptoms. I startle easily, sleep terribly, hurt ALL over, have racing thoughts (and heart), my chest feels tight, have severe IBS, I am short of breath, and sometimes I think that I have an underlying condition. I have normal blood pressure, I am 5'2 and 115 lbs., non-smoker, no diseases, etc. In my mind, I know I am healthy and this is only stress. I have a fear of doctors, so I DON"T go! I am on this forum for support. There is so-o-o much more I could tell you about my anxiety, but it would take pages. I have an identical twin, with the same problem, but not quite as severe. I just really need someone to talk to. You would think as long as I have had this affliction I could talk myself out of the symptoms, but it is hard. I was under a lot of stress in May and the symptoms it created have started the viscious anxiety cycle. HELP!

[Charlene]

I've heard of people being "cured" and I believe it is possible. I just haven't actually met any of them, not even here on this forum (yet). Maybe for someone who's had anxiety or panic disorder for a year or less, maybe they can overcome it and become cured. But I often wonder if those of us who have had anxiety for so long, (over 2 decades) are in such a habitual mind-set that it's going to take us a lot more work to overcome it for good. You'll find that there are times in your life where you feel you're "cured" and years can go by without an attack, but then once things in our lives start to change yet again, we're faced with our old unwanted friend, Anxiety. Obviously at this stage in your life and after having these symptoms on and off for so many years, you know you're not going crazy and you can rationalize that you're not dying. But you obviously hate the symptoms that anxiety brings (who doesn't)! I think that what we, and I mean we as in those of us who have had this disorder for so long, (oh, by the way, I in no way mean to demean anyone here who are new to anxiety, either way it's no picnic), need to do is go a step further - - we need to penetrate our minds so deeply, overcome our habitual thoughts that have developed over the course of decades, and face those stressful times of our lives by not rushing through our anxiety and not trying to force it to go away. The more we push, the more resistance we get back. Being in absolute control is a big deal to us and it's really, really hard to let go of our thoughts of "Oh no, not again! It's back!" So naturally, that's probably your first thought. Keep working on your positive self talk, keep reassuring yourself that the symptoms aren't permanent, they're only temporary and know that it's okay to feel anxious. You may feel anxiety more than your spouse or your friends, but that doesn't mean you're deficient in some way. You're going to get through this. You always have. :)

[Knawx]

Sounds like you've done a good job at taking control of certain aspects of your life in order to help reduce your anxiety.

I've found that even when i'm not having attacks, it doesn't mean that I'm not anxious. Panic attacks don't cause symptoms, anxiety alone causes symptoms...

For me I just remind myself that I have made it through the last 7 years of anxiety, and for the most part I live a fantastic life. That doesn't mean that some months go by where I feel like I'm trapped and it will never get better, but eventually the cycle ends.

Be positive, and reinforce your mind with the knowledge of how well you have done so far, and that you've made it through tough times before. Also remind yourself that there are SO many others who feel exactly the way you do.

Hope that helps, this forum is a great place and has lots of people with comforting words. :D

[swheeler25]

Thanks Charlene and Knawx. I just got back from a swim at my sister's house. It helped me relax. It is so weird! Sometimes knowing I have an anxiety disorder is comforting. Knowing that my symptoms are "self-generated" and not a disease process helps me get through the terrible times. If I had something else to concentrate on, I wouldn't have so much self-introspection. I teach college, so we just had a 4 week break. Most people would kill for that much time off at once. Not me! The more I am by myself, the more I think about how I am feeling. So, maybe with this new summer quarter I can take my mind off of my "woes." This is a great website. I feel relieved to be with people "like me."

[Charlene]

Hi swheeler25,

Glad to hear you had a nice swim at your sisters. I think a lot of people feel the way you do about having too much time on their hands and being alone with their scary thoughts. For me, my positive self talk goes through my mind when I'm alone, and that's when I'm feeling my best. I enjoy having as much quiet time as possible, walking my dog, doing gardening, cleaning the house and such. It's when I'm around people, such as a friend or family member, that I'm unable to focus on my positive thoughts because I'm trying to engage in normal social conversations. The distraction of trying to converse with them throws me off at times and unfortunately, because I'm listening to them and showing acceptable facial expressions to what they're saying, I can't hear my calming words to soothe me. Does that make sense?

Any thoughts, Knawx, if you're out there?

(He seems to be pretty darn wise for a young-un). :D

[ThePhoenix]

Hi swheeler,

Sounds like you are doing really well taking action with your anxiety, I know what you mean how you can fall back into the trap of when it seems like you have everything undercontrol. I dont know if it ever goes away completely but it definitely does get better if you keep on top of it.

Like Knawx said, anxiety causes the symptoms and nothing else, recognise that and then say to yourself its just anxiety, its totally harmless and try keep going with your day!