Anyone here find themselves doing this sort of thing?

[Robbed]

Some time ago, while I was working on my master's degree, I ran into someone in the elevator after discussing my master's project with my professor. I had never met this person ever before (and never seen him since). But, for whatever reason, he seemed to be in a real talkative mood. He asked me about what I am studying, and we ended up spending the next 20-30 minutes outside in front of the building going on about the project, engineering (he was a grad student in electrical, and I am mechanical), school in general, and, well, whatever. All in all, it was definitely a good experience. But here's where things get strange. When I told people I know about the whole thing afterwards, I found myself going on and on saying bad things about this person, and the whole experience. I found myself saying that he was stupid for having interest in my project, that he was kind of nerdy (he was, but the same could be said about me. AND he seemed to be so in a good way), and that he was a dirty, filthy smoker (okay, he did chain smoke several cigarettes in that time. But that certainly doesn't make him a bad guy. And I never held that against him in the first place.). Did I do this because I disliked the guy, or my time spent with him? In all reality, I wish this sort of thing could happen to me ALOT more. It's more like I don't want to admit it to anyone. It's more like I do this sort of thing because I don't want anyone I know to think that I actually liked the guy and maybe even would like to have him as a friend. It's like letting them know about this would weaken me, and open me up to criticism by them. Has anyone here found themselves doing something similar? Or is this just me?

[silentcheese24]

yes i have this problem a lot im constantly lying about everyone and saying mean things to people after having a nice conversation. compulsive lying can come from anxiety and it sucks because i know im doing it and i really dont want to but i cant break that terrible habit. i just want to be able to tell the truth. your not alone theres a lot of them like us. :shock:

[Georgec]

This sounds like a complex problem because the cause can be so many things...

Like the other silent said, maybe its a habbit, but then again, maybe not.

Perhaps your jealous of this person even if there is no reason to be. He is so talkative and he started this whole conversation with you.

Perhaps you have to be strong in front of the people you know and tear down this other person.

Who knows... you should try to organize all your ideas on paper and see if you can figure it out.

Thanks,

George

[Robbed]

This sounds like a complex problem because the cause can be so many things...

Like the other silent said, maybe its a habbit, but then again, maybe not.

Perhaps your jealous of this person even if there is no reason to be. He is so talkative and he started this whole conversation with you.

Perhaps you have to be strong in front of the people you know and tear down this other person.

Who knows... you should try to organize all your ideas on paper and see if you can figure it out.

Thanks,

George

Is this habit? Given the fact that habit is simply behavior that is learned to the point of being automatic, I would say YES.

Could I be jealous of the guy since he started the conversation? Maybe to some degree. After all, I don't particularly feel at ease with people in an academic setting. But I don't think this is a huge factor. After all, there could have been other factors in this. Maybe he was just having a good day. Or maybe he wanted a buddy to hang out with on his smoke break. Who knows? In any case, pretty much nobody just decides to initiate conversation with me. So there was clearly something out of the ordinary about the guy.

Needing to be strong around people I know? Probably the BIGGEST factor here that I can think of. I feel that admitting to liking something/someone weakens my stand - especially around people I know (and I feel like people I know probably have LESS respect for me than strangers). It opens me up to embarassment, criticism, etc (and it's not like this HASN'T happened). So I just don't want people I know to even THINK this might be the case. This is particularly true if the person in question is a college student, as I have gone on and on about my dislike for college students in the past. To actually ADMIT that I might actually LIKE one would be unthinkable for me.

Interestingly, I should note that it is easier for me to disagree with a friend if I say I dislike something the friend likes than it is to admit I like something that the friend doesn't. For instance, I am known as someone who hates music. The fact of the matter is that I would rather tell people I hate it than subject myself to the consequences of admitting what I like. And yes, I truly believe my friends WOULD lose what little respect they have for me if I 'came out'.

Come to think of it, I feel SO oppressed around people I know. I don't even feel good wearing clothes that are 'out of the norm' for me around them, because I don't want to have to deal with their flack (for instance, I can wear shorts in any department store, concert, or sporting event, but NOT around friends or family). Maybe all of this is THE reason why I find myself doing SO much by myself (like camping and hiking) - I just don't feel free around people I know. It's like they're all evil dictators, ever ready to hand out harsh, cruel punishment should I step out of line. I would rather take a chance with a bear in the Sierra or the worst a 14000ft mountain can offer - all on my own - than humiliation from friends and family. This has REALLY, REALLY, REALLY been bothering me lately (as you can probably tell).

Here's a hypothetical question I have been thinking about. I parted with this guy at school on perfectly good terms. So we would be OKAY if we met again. If this DID happen, and I came to know him well, would he just become another 'tyrant' in time?

[Giz]

Just as a matter of interest.. Have you had a friend who made you feel as though your likes/dislikes made an impact on who you are as a person?
Im only asking because its perfectly reasonable to think that a past experience would have distorted your views on trust in people.. Happens to us all, but you always struck me as someone with quite a bit of sense, so you prob spotted that one already..

Back in the days where I was terribly depressed a friend said to me that she thought I wanted to be depressed.. I wanted to smack her at the time, but in hindsight I can see where she was coming from.. Sometimes when we go down the road of "mental disorders" its like weve hit the self destruct button, and whether we realise it or not, we are out to sabotage ourselves..

Any possibility the reason you suddenly turned so negative about this person is because the idea of letting go and just enjoying another person as they presented themselves to you-no pretention, scares you on some level? Like maybe it would be a positive step to allow yourself to just "be"-but youre just afraid to take it?

Sometimes its fun to just laugh at ourselves.. Weve all done things that make us feel silly when we think about them, but trying to hide them is kinda like supressing them-feeding the anxiety/depression, accepting them takes a whole lot of stress out of it-and keeps the fuel from the fire..

I embrace the fact that I like some crap music, I like plenty of different things, so it doesnt matter if I like some cheesy stuff.. I wear whatever I like the look of-so I tend to stand out a bit.. I used to hide behind that, but now Ive come to the realisation that while I certainly am not perfect, for the most part Im happy with who I grew into, and Im still evolving-so anything I dont like I still have the power to change..
I guess my friends help with that a lot, most of them are as eccentric as me in some way shape or form, which is probably why we gel so much..

Sounds like you may have bumped into someone who may have been more on your level than your friends, someone you actually clicked with if only for a shirt time-and it freaked you out a little, because it was out of the strange comfort that you have in friends who make you feel less confident than they should.

Your friends should be people that you feel care for you and support you. If you dont get that feeling from your friends-maybe its time to go out and find new ones? Jump outside the comfort zone and get swept up in the wave of fresh new experience
It could be the turning point youve been searching for all along..