How i'm conquering my anxiety

[seizetheday]

I discovered back in about november that i had an anxiety disorder, and although i've had it since middle school i just never realized it. Anyway, i believe that there is a reason behind everyone anxiety, at least behind mine. CBT helped a little bit, and it can work wonders for me, but i just always had it in the back of my head that there was something else that i had to do to get over this. I just realized yesterday that my anxiety/social anxiety is being caused by my lack of sef-esteem andself confidence. If i was told this 6 months ago i would have never believed it but now that i've realized it, it's so obvious. I'm posting this in hopes that someone might read this post and realize that maybe their anxiety stems from this as well.. and once you know whats wrong you know how to fix it.. theres a lot of self-esteem and self-confidence building websites and videos on youtube. The way that low self-esteem has manifested itself into anxiety for me is mostly in the form of social anxiety.. i feel as if i am inferior to everyone else and that i have to please them and i don't want them to think negatively about me because i am afraid of their judgement. And i feel that the lack of self confidence contributes to my GAD in the way that i am always worried about things because i don't believe in myself. If you have self confidence, you wouldn't doubt yourself, and know that your negative thought are just irrelavant because you can just believe in positive thoughts.. Anyway, i hope this all made sense to you and hope maybe it will help someone..
peace : )
good luck to all of you, never give up!

[Robbed]

It's just SO obvious that low self esteem is at the very root of my anxiety disorder. The levels of self-loathing that I had in the months before my anxiety disorder started were sky high. Interestingly, when my anxiety disorder was at its worst, it was like the anxiety problem just shut it all off: it's like I didn't realy feel anything about myself. And if I ever did, then what I felt about myself was simply irrelevant. I neither liked nor disliked myself. But now that my anxiety disorder is on the wane to the point that it is no longer TOO much of a problem, it's all starting to come back to me in full force. To make matters worse (MUCH worse), I graduated with my master's degree just a few weeks back. I now face the daunting task of trying to find SOMEONE who will hire ME (of ALL people!) over REAL college grads for an entry level engineering job in a bad economy. Someone has to not only accept me, but actually LIKE me. Not a nice thing for me to think about.

The REALLY funny thing about all of this is that dealing with anxiety disorder almost seems EASY compared to dealing with low self esteem. Obsessive thoughts, for instance, are just senseless. It's not too hard to dismiss them and let them pass, since there is no reality to them. Free-floating anxiety? Unreality? Just pesky symptoms of anxiety disorder that you should let pass, and which will get better if you simply do NOTHING AT ALL about them. Again, not much of a problem here. The same goes for all the other annoying symptoms. But low self-esteem? Now THAT'S a monster! There is just too much truth in all the negative thoughts I have about myself to come up with some contrived, sugar-coated 'positive' comeback that sounds and feels stupid. Unfortunately, I am still not sure how I am going to deal with this one. But perhaps my biggest fear these days is not anxiety disorder or its symptoms. It's the whole idea that I am going to somehow have to deal with low self-esteem if I ever hope to truly be over and done with all of this. It's a scary thought to think that this has me by the balls like it does.

[seizetheday]

Just my opinion, but the reason why you don't think you can raise your self esteem is because you are lacking the self-confidence that you can do it.. thats the same problem that i am working on.. but if you begin to develop self confidence, then you will believe in yourself and believe in your positive thoughts.. you won't second guess yourself with all of your anxious thoughts that you know are untrue... like i said, i'm still working on it, but attacking anxiety through raised self-confidence and raised self-esteem seems to be helping me a great deal so far.. i feel like i'm not trying to get at the problem on the surface (anxiety), but getting to the root of the problem (lack of self-esteem and self-confidence) which allows anxiety to flourish in my life.

I think that everyone has their own reasons behind why they have an anxiety disorder, and i'm not going to say its impossible to overcome anxiety without identifying it, but i really think it helps.. A LOT

[Robbed]

Just my opinion, but the reason why you don't think you can raise your self esteem is because you are lacking the self-confidence that you can do it.. thats the same problem that i am working on.. but if you begin to develop self confidence, then you will believe in yourself and believe in your positive thoughts.. you won't second guess yourself with all of your anxious thoughts that you know are untrue... like i said, i'm still working on it, but attacking anxiety through raised self-confidence and raised self-esteem seems to be helping me a great deal so far.. i feel like i'm not trying to get at the problem on the surface (anxiety), but getting to the root of the problem (lack of self-esteem and self-confidence) which allows anxiety to flourish in my life.

Then again, where do you get self-esteem and self-confidence? Out of thin air?

[seizetheday]

Its hard.. i've been reading some "gaining self-esteem/self-confidence" articles and books. I've also watched some videos on youtube which has given me some helpful methods. One thing that has really helped me is positive self talk.. writing down on a piece of paper that i AM confident and i believe in myself.. and i repeat it all of the time... it honestly has worked.. it might not work for you, but you could always give it a try... just throwing out ideas

[Penny Owen]

Hi there,
You are so right. As a fellow PAST sufferer, I know exactly where you are coming from - I hope that a lot of anxiety sufferers read what you have written because it is so true. I'd been suffering from anxiety since childhood and suffered from anxiety attacks off and on for many years.
Then I decided enough was enough and I was absolutely dead set against medication (although I took a tranquiliser for my driving test because I had a panic attack during my exam!). I found out, as you did, that it was my lack of self-esteem which was at the very foundation of my anxious thoughts. I decided on CBT and building my self-esteem and I've now been anxiety free for 9 wonderful years. I really hope that people land on this site and see that there is indeed hope.

Thanks for this posting.
Penny

[Robbed]

Hi there,
You are so right. As a fellow PAST sufferer, I know exactly where you are coming from - I hope that a lot of anxiety sufferers read what you have written because it is so true. I'd been suffering from anxiety since childhood and suffered from anxiety attacks off and on for many years.
Then I decided enough was enough and I was absolutely dead set against medication (although I took a tranquiliser for my driving test because I had a panic attack during my exam!). I found out, as you did, that it was my lack of self-esteem which was at the very foundation of my anxious thoughts. I decided on CBT and building my self-esteem and I've now been anxiety free for 9 wonderful years. I really hope that people land on this site and see that there is indeed hope.

Thanks for this posting.
Penny

Then again, there is still the onerous problem of getting from point A to point B when it comes to confidence and self-esteem. Clearly, medication won't do it for you. And, from what I have found, therapy can't do it either (it seems to be a confidence killer, if anything). Confidence/self-esteem would appear to be something that has to come from within. But where do I start? It just seems like everything I try is a dead end. About the best I can do is just try to let those thoughts of self-hatred pass until the spell ends. But it's almost like I am just trying to ignore the problem, and it's not exactly going away. It's like I need to find something to make me believe I am a worthwhile human being, but I just can't find it.

[Fudge]

I hear you Robbed. But there are things you can do to increase your self worth and esteem. And believe it or not, these things are not that difficult to do. All it takes is getting out and giving to others who are less fortunate.

For myself, I'm volunteering now for this organization where in the summer we help pick fruit from urban trees and deliver it to the needy. While getting out and socializing with others helps fight the social anxiety I have (because the picking helps keep me occupied while socializing), the whole activity of being out in nature and then giving to others less fortunate has helped build a new view of myself where negative thoughts loses a good portion of its venom. As long as I'm keeping it up, I am extremely happy with myself and anxiety seems to drop immensely.

While I know you're probably thinking that you don't have the time, or that you're not really into it. Try it once. I swear to you it will work!!

[seizetheday]

I agree it can be hard knowing where to start when dealing with self-esteem and low-self confidence... this website helped me get on the right track...
For some reason i can't post links on forums.. i guess i havn't been here long enough.. but go to google and type in "raise self esteem" and it should be the second link... called twelve valuable steps to raising your self esteem


and to be honest, at first i thought it was bullshit.. for example i read the second step and it says to stop putting yourself down.. i thought to myself "i never ever put myself down.. thats stupid"... but after a few days i let it sink in and i realized that a lot of the automatic thoughts i had about myself were negative.. like for example when i look in the mirror the first thing i thought about were my flaws instead of my good features.. just things like this... i think it was so hard for me to realize this because i didn't want to believe that i thought bad about myself. I kept on telling myself that i didn't think negatively about myself, but the truth was i really did.. and thats when it hit me, i had to be completely honest with myself in all aspects of my life in order to make any progress..
i don't know if this is the case with anyone else or not, but give it a try.. whats the worst that could happen? : )

[Robbed]

Step Four
Use affirmations to enhance your self-esteem. On the back of a business card or small index card, write out a statement such as "I like and accept my self." or "I am valuable, lovable person and deserve the best in life." Carry the card with you. Repeat the statement several times during the day, especially at night before going to bed and after getting up in the morning. Whenever you say the affirmation, allow yourself to experience positive feelings about your statement.

I think I'm going to heave.

[seizetheday]

Step Four
Use affirmations to enhance your self-esteem. On the back of a business card or small index card, write out a statement such as "I like and accept my self." or "I am valuable, lovable person and deserve the best in life." Carry the card with you. Repeat the statement several times during the day, especially at night before going to bed and after getting up in the morning. Whenever you say the affirmation, allow yourself to experience positive feelings about your statement.

I think I'm going to heave.

It worked for me.. don't bash it if you havn't tried it :|

[Robbed]

Step Four
Use affirmations to enhance your self-esteem. On the back of a business card or small index card, write out a statement such as "I like and accept my self." or "I am valuable, lovable person and deserve the best in life." Carry the card with you. Repeat the statement several times during the day, especially at night before going to bed and after getting up in the morning. Whenever you say the affirmation, allow yourself to experience positive feelings about your statement.

I think I'm going to heave.

It worked for me.. don't bash it if you havn't tried it :|

I think the thing about this is that it sounds like the butt of all jokes about self-help. Kind of like something you would hear on late night TV, or something that some poor sap would constantly be saying to themselves on a comedy movie. Plus, it's just so cliche. It's just REALLY, REALLY, REALLY hard to read something like this without simultaneously laughing because it sounds so ridiculous, and feeling nauseous because you think that maybe this is something you might actually have to do yourself.

[Fudge]

I think the thing about this is that it sounds like the butt of all jokes about self-help. Kind of like something you would hear on late night TV, or something that some poor sap would constantly be saying to themselves on a comedy movie. Plus, it's just so cliche. It's just REALLY, REALLY, REALLY hard to read something like this without simultaneously laughing because it sounds so ridiculous, and feeling nauseous because you think that maybe this is something you might actually have to do yourself.

Just so cliche? Hmmm.. not to be direct, but don't you think that maybe its your behavior which is a major contributing factor in your anxiety? Seriously, take the rest of the week and investigate it. I can assure you that if you can be outwardly critical of things and people, it will be within you 10 fold internally. Walla Anxiety!

As for what seize the day is suggesting. I think its worth a shot if you're really wanting to try to resolve your anxiety problems.

[seizetheday]

And i've learned that you really have to keep an open mind to get over anxiety.. if something doesn't work, you can try it over and over again.. or try only certain methods because you think others won't work.. accept new methods with an open mind without judement.. or accept it with the idea that, "maybe this is the start to curing my anxiety"... i'm not trying to argue or anything, i just want to spread what has worked for me in hopes that other people might find the same value that i have gotten from it..
I honestly think that if you try those methods on that website and look at it with a positive/open mind, then it will help... like i said it helped me.. and i thought JUST like Robbed did before.. i thought it was a load of shit.. UNTIL i ignored my biased opinion and accepted the advice as it was given.. and it made me feel great and more in control of my life

[Penny Owen]

Hi there,
What a great posting - I know exactly where you are coming from. I suffered from anxiety since I was a small child. At the root of the cause was my very poor self-esteem, so much so that I always wanted to be someone else. My lack of self-esteem resulted in so much of my anxiety.
It's all ended now due to two things really... firstly I had some management training and one of the modules was personal self-development - it was then that I realised that I was soooooo lacking in self-esteem and secondly, cos I was having anxiety attacks quite regularly, I decided to try cognitive behavioural therapy. These two things turned my life round - hey, I can even do public speaking now and enjoy it. When you tackle the root causes (low self-esteem in both our cases) and not the symptoms (in my case heart palpitations, chest pains, dizziness, nausea), then you get permanent change. I haven't had an anxiety attack now for absolutely ages and I don't think I will have another one ... I'm in control of my thoughts and when I get a negative one, I know how to handle it.

Thanks for sharing with us ... and I hope my experience helps others too.
I was an anxiety sufferer for over 40 years!

Penny :D

[Robbed]

Just so cliche? Hmmm.. not to be direct, but don't you think that maybe its your behavior which is a major contributing factor in your anxiety? Seriously, take the rest of the week and investigate it. I can assure you that if you can be outwardly critical of things and people, it will be within you 10 fold internally. Walla Anxiety!

As for what seize the day is suggesting. I think its worth a shot if you're really wanting to try to resolve your anxiety problems.

Sorry if you took what I said so bad. I didn't mean anything personal here - certainly not against you or anyone else here. I like to think that, if nothing else, I'm not a critical, mean-spirited kind of guy. It's just that this whole thing (especially the part about repeating positive self affirmations) is too much for me. I just can't do it. And, the more I look this stuff over, the more I start to think that this is all a losing battle - at least for me.

[joey9]

I went to a lecture a while ago about compassionate mind theory. It was an unbelievable revelation. I am amazed at just what an absolute bitch I was being to myself. I would recommend anyone take the test for themselves which you can do here:

http://www.self-compassion.org/

go to 'how compassionate are you?'. I always thought I had low self esteem but I realise now that I actually have reasonable self-esteem, but I am low in self-compassion. I punish myself horribly for not living up to excessive standards that I set myself. If I fail to achieve these (completely unrealistic) standards I am highly self-critical and therefore was living my life feeling a complete failure.

Reading about compassionate mind theory led me to look at Buddhist teachings. Don't switch off here - I'm not into organised religion and hate anything 'mumbo jumbo', but teachings in mindfulness and non-judgmental acceptance are all highly relevant. This book is good:

http://www.amazon.com/Buddhism-without- ... 1573226564 (http://www.amazon.com/Buddhism-without-Beliefs-Stephen-Batchelor/dp/1573226564)

The key points here are non-judgemental acceptance. It's all related to psychological theories of anxiety and depression - how fighting your feelings is a sure fire way to get you even more entangled in them. You have to learn to see your own faults and accept them without any judgement. We are all simply human after all, and there is no such thing as a perfect human. You can train your mind through simple meditations to look at things/people/yourself and accept them without judging them.

I would recommend anyone to read about these kinds of techniques because frankly over the last few months I have been able to look at my life in a completely new way. I have been able to 'zoom out' of myself and gain a wider perspective of my own importance (or lack of it).

Acceptance in this sense is not about ignoring your feelings and letting them pass - its about diving into your feelings and exploring them, but not judging them. It also teaches mindfulness - i.e. living in the moment, not the past or the future. Again, these are all skills that you can train yourself to do.

Once you can start to be more self compassionate you can go easy on yourself and accept your shortcomings, failures and mistakes. Once you can accept these you lose the fear of them. MRI studies show that following compassionate mind training does indeed 'grow' the part of your brain responsible for self-soothing/comfort (endorphin and opiate based), meaning that you become better and better able to cope should you fuck up, which of course you will many times in your life.

[joey9]

See also this link about the benefits of self-compassion rather than self-esteem:

http://www.physorg.com/news98466411.html