is this my problem?

[jonnyv034]

hey everyone, im jon. im 18 years old and i have a couple of things that i need to talk about. let me set the stage for you, during high school (which i am graduating from in less than a month) i have changed alot. when i came in i was a 3 sport athlete with tons of firends which i loved talking to and being with. then after a rough breakup and fight with my best friends at the end of my sophmore year, everything changed. i got into smoking pot amongst other things because i thought that that was gonna score me some new friends. then in the spring of my junior year me and my best friends reunited, but things were different. i always felt like i needed to make them laugh in order for them to enjoy my company because before the fight everyone thought of me as a hilarious person. but i was trying to hard and not being funny so i never really felt at ease with them. but since they were my "best friends" so i kept hangin out with them even though i was stressed out about them likeing my presence. so over time this really ate at me but we continued to hang out. now over most of my senior year i have not enjoyed nearly anything. i feel like i lost all of my social skills and daily life skills as well becuase all i do is sit and think about how severe my problem is. i do have some good times but it doesnt take too long before i think about how i am actually having a good time and it ruins it for me. i want to be able to be like i was freshman year, practically jumping out of bed becasue i loved my life so much. but now its always the same thing. i get embarrased easily, i cant hold a normal conversation because im always overthinking, i dont have fun anymore cause im too busy thinking, and i cant relax. all this has gone on too long and i really want to solve my problem. please help!

[dtrotter]

hey everyone, im jon. im 18 years old and i have a couple of things that i need to talk about. let me set the stage for you, during high school (which i am graduating from in less than a month) i have changed alot. when i came in i was a 3 sport athlete with tons of firends which i loved talking to and being with. then after a rough breakup and fight with my best friends at the end of my sophmore year, everything changed. i got into smoking pot amongst other things because i thought that that was gonna score me some new friends. then in the spring of my junior year me and my best friends reunited, but things were different. i always felt like i needed to make them laugh in order for them to enjoy my company because before the fight everyone thought of me as a hilarious person. but i was trying to hard and not being funny so i never really felt at ease with them. but since they were my "best friends" so i kept hangin out with them even though i was stressed out about them likeing my presence. so over time this really ate at me but we continued to hang out. now over most of my senior year i have not enjoyed nearly anything. i feel like i lost all of my social skills and daily life skills as well becuase all i do is sit and think about how severe my problem is. i do have some good times but it doesnt take too long before i think about how i am actually having a good time and it ruins it for me. i want to be able to be like i was freshman year, practically jumping out of bed becasue i loved my life so much. but now its always the same thing. i get embarrased easily, i cant hold a normal conversation because im always overthinking, i dont have fun anymore cause im too busy thinking, and i cant relax. all this has gone on too long and i really want to solve my problem. please help!

I can't say much. It seems like you need your friend's validation very much huh? Actually, if you stop trying hard to make them laugh or tryign to get their validation, you will begin to get more friends. When you try to seek one's validation, you will come off as a low value guy, that in turn cause you harder to socialize with other people.

Just relax and be yourself, be open to meet other people. Say hi to whoever in ur library or public. Just a simple hi/good morning will score you lots of friends. I suggest that you make new friends with other clique..

that's just my opinion.
?

[koolaid86]

Wow, that sounds quite a bit like me at your age. You get so self-conscious and start trying too hard. You realize what you're saying isn't going over well, but you just can't stop yourself. The words keep coming.

I hate to say this but the only way around it is to realize that all of the things you're afraid of might happen and you can't stop them no matter how hard you try. The less you try to make your friends laugh, the more you attempt to hold on tightly to their friendship, the more success you have with them. Just accept that whatever happens, happens and that you pretending to be someone you're not isn't going to fix it.

I wish there was a better answer than just be yourself and don't worry about it, but I don't know of one. For me it took the realization that this fake reality I was creating didn't make me happy enough to keep it up. I was unhappy and it was because I was pretending to be someone I wasn't. When I said "Screw it, life will like me for who I am," everything started to change. Sure some people didn't like me, but most did and we ended up having so much more fun once I got out of my own way.

I hope that helps. I wish I had a better answer.