blushing social anxiety problem

[pingpong]

Ok so I've recently aquired this problem. I used to blush in high school when someone really embarrased me but since i left school for the last 4 years i have had no problem with it, i didnt consider it a problem then but a few months ago i went round to a friends that i hadnt been to in a while, and he had some old friends there that i hadnt seen in a while and one of them asked to borrow my phone and when he had finished he was trying to wined me up with it by throwing it to the other guy and when he threw it, it dropped on the floor and for some reason i felt really insulted and didnt say anything i just put a face on and picked it up, then someone said ''did that upset you'' and i said ''no'' and for some reason i started blushing quite badly and everyone noticed and mentioned it, then about half an hour later someone said ''you look upset luke'' at this time i was fine but he was just trying to wined me up again, and i couldnt help it i went bright red again. the thing is for the last 4 years i have been in much worse embarrasing situations and have been ridiculed by people, in my group of friends it is normal for people to badly insult each other and try to embarass and humiliate each other.

for some reason every time someone puts any kind of attention on me i blush i can feel it hit me its weird, sometimes i get anxious about it like say i am with a group of people i will just remember that i have this problem and it will build and build inside me until its the only thing on my mind and i cannot escape the thought of it, and all it takes is for someone to say something something about me even if its a compliment or just something completly random like once i was sat watching a film with a group of friends and i got the feeling and it built to that point and in the film someone was running and a friend said ''hes coming for u'' and i just went so red its unbelievable i could feel my face was on fire and it lasted for about 3-4 minutes and everone noticed.

but it isnt just when i think about it, if someone says somthing like ''are you still seeing that girl'' or ''did you sleep with that girl'' things about girls really just hits me or say they say something like ''ur gay'' or if they say i like sum guy, then thats just as bad, and i find this particularly annoying because i am not gay and if someone says something like that and i blush then they are goin to asume i am gay.

certain people i'm fine around, like the ones i fink less could say anything they wanted and it wudnt faze me.

This problem has litterally killed my social life, i dont go out anymore at all because i am that sure i will end up blushing if go out.

If i go on a night out then i'am fine because im drinking, but say i crash at a friends with loads of people, when i wake up i have to get out of there early because i will blush if someone says somthing, especially if iv been with a girl there and someone says somthing like 'you 2 have fun last night'' or something along those lines i will blush badly.

it really is destroying me inside i feel asthough my personallity is dieing by not socialising at all and i feel asthough i am drifting apart from my friends.

this has never been a problem so why has this happened to me?

[koolaid86]

I had the same problems in high school and early college. Blushing and (for me) nervous sweating.

I hope I'm not going to get too new-age here, but I think the problem is a disconnect with who you really are.

I really believe that we all carry around two identities: who we are and who we think we are. Or us and out ego. When the ego gets challenged, we feel embarrassed because the ego isn't real and folds to any pressure.

Our fake self gives way and we feel like our entire personality is slipping away. Just like when your friend took your phone. They made you feel small and your ego cracked under the pressure leaving you feeling like you don't know who you are anymore.

I recommend spending some time alone with your thoughts, trying to get to the real you. Start questioning your own thoughts and feelings to make sure that they are your real personality and not a fake ego.

People can hurt your ego, but they can never hurt someone who is grounded in their belief in themselves.

Hope that helps.

[dtrotter]

come on.....
"everyone noticed and mentioned it, then about half an hour later someone said ''you look upset luke'' at this time i was fine but he was just trying to wined me up again, and i couldnt help it i went bright red again. the thing is for the last 4 years i have been in much worse embarrasing situations and have been ridiculed by people, in my group of friends it is normal for people to badly insult each other and try to embarass and humiliate each other."

Those are insecure jerks. They need to insult osmeone to gain the feeling of superiority. Screw them. I hate those guys.

About your blushing. Girls find guy who blushes are cute. PERIOD. Screw your friends. Get a new social circle and go from there. Embrace your blush. It makes you an unique person. When people ask why you are blushing?

Just tell them, "well, isn't it cool? i can blush anytime i want.. " and brush it off and change topic.

tell the truth, change your social cirlcle.

[ANXIOUSINNY]

Ok... Yes a guy who blushes is cute... However, this is not cute blushing, because it causes the individual to have anxiety about the blushing which in turn increases the blushing...... I know exactly what you are talking about..... This started happening to me about a year ago.... It is sooo embarassing, being that I am very pale... when I blush I look like a tomatoe lol I wish I could give you advice on how to control it... But I am looking for the answer too....

[fernandogress]

I think you need to stop focusing on the problem.Of course, but as a first step, after you've had a blushing episode, when you get home that night and are about to start worrying about what happened, don't!! Force yourself to think about something else. Go and do something else. Physically force the thoughts about blushing out of your head. At first, they'll keep popping back in, so just deliberately make the effort to focus on something else, recite a song, watch TV and listen to what's being said, anything to stop worrying about the day's blushing.
The less you think about it, the less you feed it.When you next feeling yourself blush in front of people, try to focus on what is happening around you. If you are blushing because you are speaking in front of people, try extra hard to focus on the topic of conversation. You might still be automatically blushing, but do your best to not think about it and keep forcing your mind to focus on other things.
It's not gonna be an instant cure, but focusing on your problems just makes it grow. Force yourself to think about other things. At the end of the day, it's how you are thinking that is the real problem, so the more you practise at controlling your thought by deliberately refocusing away from blushing, the better you will become at it.

[CindyE]

I do this, and it sucks! Sometimes it doesn't even seem like I'm embarassed, but it still happens. I always wonder if people will wonder what's wrong, or think I'm lying or something. Sometimes just talking does it. Drinking sometimes makes it worse. I wonder what my boss thinks. I worry that if I have to look for another job, I'll blush at the interview and not get hired! :oops:

[sharp]

Hiya iv just poseted to sum1 else about this ill paste it for u cos im really bad for it.
i first start blushing at the age of 11 when i had to read a book in front of the class. i got the piss took outa me at times which made it worse. when i started the seniors i met new friends and even tho they had a laugh at me they wernt nasty about it and would call me cherry spice. But once i left school i felt ppl that didnt really know me that well would look at me as tho i was weird for blushing so easily so i resulted in avoiding talking to people and doing certain things. I even left a college course cos they wernt very supportive of the fact i go red easy. Horrible thing is if someone farted and no one admitted to it id go bright red(even tho it wernt me) and theyd end up thinking it was me or if something was stolen id go red incase they thought it was me. When i fell pregnant it got worse, id go red just standing in a shop queue and even start going red when my own family spoke to me. I got pt on depression pills as the doc said depression wuda been making it worse. Im now 24 and i still go red easily. iv started a college course and i always wear my hair down so when i go red i can try and hide it with my hair and one thing i cant stand is talking about myself infront of people. some days its bad, i can go red just talking to my boyfriend and some days i can control it really well but what i hate is i observe loadsa ppl on telly and in public and none of them go red which made me feel like im probablys 1 in a million people that have this.

[suzanne.]

pingpong, I have just joined this page and read your post above about blushing. I would really really love to know if you found a way of overcoming the problem?? The way you decribed it is almost exactly the way I feel.
I go bright red whenever I encounter someone of the opposite sex that I know. My speech gets broken and I start to not make sense and I am generally uncomfortably anxious. It is getting worse daily. I used to love hanging around with guys and having fun with people in general. I get quite a bit of attention from guys in college and they regularly try to make conversation with me so it's not easy to avoid these situations but i do everything i can to do so for fear that the inevitable burning face will come back. I also go red any time someone puts any attention on me, or asks me something in a group aswell-girls or boys. Even simple questions or compliments or conversation can stimulate this overwhelming anxiety and I blush to the point where my face feels like it's burning. I am fine when I drink, but just as you felt I feel uncomfortable in the morning then when I have sobered up. I feel myself drinking excessively aswell on nights out and I do not like interacting with boys generally as I fear that I will then have to talk to them sober at another stage as a result.
I used to love going out, and socialising with people and going to public places where I knew I would see someone I know but now I am literally afraid to go anywhere for fear I will come accross someone who will make me go red. I feel over self-conscious when I feel people are looking at me, and I hate making presentations and reading out loud in college. It has gotten to the point where I feel over selfconscious and uncomfortable walking past a line of cars as I feel that they are judging me.
please help me if you found a way of overcoming this horrible problem. i feel like it is ruining my life. thankyou, suzanne.