Low self esteem, anxiety, makes dating impossible.

[j'aimelamusique]

Hi, so I'm new here but basically I've been suffering from general anxiety and social anxiety for pretty much the past 6 years. I'm a college sophomore and one of the biggest issues I've encountered since I started dealing with anxiety is dating. I've never really had a full blown relationship and I feel that a lot of the reasons why this is, is due to my anxieties. I have pretty low self esteem and I often feel unworthy of dating someone, especially if I find that person to be attractive. Even though I've had guys show interest in me in the past, I can't get past the fact that I don't find myself attractive or interesting. I never really dress up, use makeup, or act outgoing or engaging because in my case I feel like making myself as unattractive as possible will keep me from having to deal with rejection or the uncertainties of starting a relationship. I try to avoid romance at all costs because of how anxious it makes me but I also long to be a girl who feels good about herself and is able to be in a relationship. I'm sick of this paradox I've set up for myself and all I really want is to feel like it's not impossible for me to date. Does anyone have any advice on how I can get over my anxieties to making my dating life a little more simple?

[dunky]

I know what you mean, I have problems low self esteem from rejection through my high school years and I feel I'm not attractive or worthy enough to be anyone's boyfriend. My anxiety is also a huge problem that further complicates my inability to stay in a relationship, and I honestly believe that if I were more outgoing that I wouldn't have failed in my last couple relationships.

But there's nothing else for me to do, and getting a job or staying in school is too difficult with my problems. So instead, I am focusing on what I feel is most important to me: finding someone who will give me the strength to right my life and become a better person. Although my last relationships did not last, they have taught me very much about myself and who I want to become. Sometimes all you can do is take a chance.

And of course, the internet makes taking that chance much easier. Have you ever tried a dating site? I've found that women are contacted by men much more often than men are contacted by women. Tell you what, if you've already got the docter and the medicines, set yourself up a profile on sites like OKCupid or PlentyOfFish. Be truthful about yourself and send a few guys some messages, I'm sure you'll find that someone will think you're a great person, regardless if you believe it yourself.

[danstelter]

Well, my advice would be to do the opposite of what you are doing. Develop your thinking so that you concentrate on what it is that makes you attractive and forget about the stuff you think makes you unattractive. You develop confidence and dating ability by constantly practicing at it. If you keep doing what you are doing, you will probably attract a very miserable person and just have a lousy relationship. So, find what it is that you are good at and praise yourself for every little step that you take that increases your confidence as a person.

Dating is scary and having another person in your life makes things much more complicated, but it makes people much happier in the long-run. You have all the time you need to develop yourself into a confident and attractive person. Like I noted before, simply take every little thing that you do well and praise yourself for it, and even try out new things that you think that you might be good at. Pretty soon, you will realize that you have many attractive qualities and talents. And remember, faking it till you make it is okay as well. You may not feel attractive at first, but act like you are, and eventually you will develop the substance to back it up. Good luck and be sure to ask questions if you feel lost or overwhelmed!

[tmays]

Good advice. You don't have to be perfect and there's someone for everyone!