I feel like my mind is in hell!

[mbsnowdog]

Last night when I was about to go to sleep, I found that I was almost afraid to fall asleep! Like that I wouldn't wake up if I did. I took a Vistaril and forced myself too. I had this horrifying dream that there were these people in masks, trying to kill me. I had to fight them off and kill them myself, but no matter where I went, more and more kept coming. The dream was so vivid! I was absolutely terrified that I was going to spend the rest of my life running in fear of these people. When I woke up, I felt as if I was still asleep. The dream lingered with me throughout the day. I felt as if my mind was in a place of utter insanity and darkness! I thought for a while that I had died and this place I was in was hell. I still feel very uneasy and anxious. I'm usually extremely anxious about my health and dying, but this time I just feel like I'm trapped in a horrible place. I can't even describe it. It is like HELL! Just absolutely unbearable. I feel as if the world outside is fake, and the people around me aren't real. I'm aware of derealization, but this is different. I'm so TERRIFIED! Has anyone ever felt like this? Felt like their minds are trapped in insanity and darkness?

[Fudge]

Last night when I was about to go to sleep, I found that I was almost afraid to fall asleep! Like that I wouldn't wake up if I did. I took a Vistaril and forced myself too. I had this horrifying dream that there were these people in masks, trying to kill me. I had to fight them off and kill them myself, but no matter where I went, more and more kept coming. The dream was so vivid! I was absolutely terrified that I was going to spend the rest of my life running in fear of these people. When I woke up, I felt as if I was still asleep. The dream lingered with me throughout the day. I felt as if my mind was in a place of utter insanity and darkness! I thought for a while that I had died and this place I was in was hell. I still feel very uneasy and anxious. I'm usually extremely anxious about my health and dying, but this time I just feel like I'm trapped in a horrible place. I can't even describe it. It is like HELL! Just absolutely unbearable. I feel as if the world outside is fake, and the people around me aren't real. I'm aware of derealization, but this is different. I'm so TERRIFIED! Has anyone ever felt like this? Felt like their minds are trapped in insanity and darkness?

I've had a similar experience once or twice, but also more subtle ones on and off for a few years. Its like this never ending cycle of panic that begins to compound as my mind starts clinging to new anxieties on top of previous ones. It definitely is terrifying. The dreams are the worst part too. They tend to always be filled with never ending struggle where horrible problems never come to an end despite everything I do to try to stop them. Its very scary.. and emotionally deflating.

The only things that seem to help me during these times is to fight with as much energy as I can muster. I usually tell myself sternly that all of it is going to pass. And if I don't believe myself, I force myself to reflect on previous times where it happened and came to an end. You'd be surprised at how much anxiety is relieved when you do this. If it takes 100 times to try to convince myself, I do it.. because I owe it to myself. I then try to distract myself further once I notice a bit of relief. If its at night, even if I feel like total crap, I try to do something that snaps my brain out of its on going loop. Usually the more mundane and simple things work the best. Like for example, staring at a watch as the second hand stops and starts (observing the movements and then non-movements), or observing textures and colors of small objects. I've even observed the spark of a 9 volt battery on my tongue once..though not sure I recommend it. Anyways, I find its these little things that snap me out of the false "imaginative" reality I'm creating in my head and bring me back to reality even if its just a little bit. Things I'd avoid, however, is tv and the computer. They're way to over stimulating and allow the mind to wander.

Anyways, try it out and let me know if any of it works.

You're definitely not a lone in any of this. Remember this fact!