feel like jumping out the window

[somessedup]

i have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and he is pretty much the only person i hangout with. before i was with him i went out all the time got drunk and did alot of drugs... i stopped doing drugs after a couple of months of going out with him and he made me not talk to any of my friends... at first i was kinda ok with it but then he never could hangout anymore and i sit at my house all week just to hangout with him.. he barely has time for me. I dont know what to do my anxiety is causing me severe paranoia with him. i constantly think hes cheating on me or is going to break up with me. He hides his phone from me but he always goes through mine. The one day he had his phone with him a girl called him. I dont know what to do he makes me feel so unloved and unwanted. I am severely depressed i wanna go out with my friends but if i do i will lose him. I went out with my old best friend today and i didnt even like hanging out with her anymore. All she does is smoke weed and i cant smoke weed because i get even crazier!i always start fights with my boyfriend but i cant help it! but he always calls me ugly and says all the things he knows i am self consious about.

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO I LOVE HIM SO MUCH BUT I CANT GO ON LIKE THIS IM SO TRAPPED AND LOST

I WANNA DIE

[Evilbob333]

Hi Somessedup,

sounds like you're in a very dark place and not getting anywhere near the support you need.

I'm gonna write a couple of things that you may not like but i shall write them anyway...feel free to take on or ignore as much as you want.

Firstly...have you experienced panic attacks before getting with your boyfriend? I think this is a key point, so do lemme know...

There seem to be two issues here, your panic attacks and your relationship with your boyfriend.

Firstly, the panic attacks. It is imperative that you start to make positive changes to help yourself. I'd recommend that you address your diet immediately, it'll help to take some of the stress off your body. Northstar has written a wicked post on this that covers most aspects of diet and anxiety...give it a read. Secondly you must try to get a handle on your thoughts that are triggering your panic attacks...i'd higly recommend going to see a therapist...CBT if at all possible. if going to see a therapist isn't a choice then get hold of one the hundreds of CBT workbooks available from amazon, etc...
Secondly, and i know its none of my business and i dont know you or your boyfriend, but i feel morally obliged to point out that what you describe as your relationship sounds very much like an abusive and controlling relationship. You sound like you've given up most of your life for this individual who doesnt, from your description, give you nearly enough, if anything in return. That's a situation that'll give anyone a certain level of stress, which is often a trigger for anxiety provoking thoughts and panic attacks. You should try talking to him about how you feel, be assertive and tell him that you're unhappy...tell him you want to see your friends again, and that you will not stand for him calling you ugly, etc... It really isn't on in a relationship and no-one deserves that, especially not from those who are supposed to love them. I hope you can see that i write this out of concern...you deserve a better relationship than that, you deserve to be allowed to live your life to the full without fear of reprisal...in fact he should be the one who's afraid of losing you. Please try and get to your GP...they'll be able to help you with your depression, anxiety and may be able to suggest support groups/therapists to help you with your relationship.

Let us know how you get on.

Take care

[danstelter]

Secondly, and i know its none of my business and i dont know you or your boyfriend, but i feel morally obliged to point out that what you describe as your relationship sounds very much like an abusive and controlling relationship.


This is definitely the case and is a MAJOR contributor to your anxiety level! The reason you are with your boyfriend is because you feel that you can't do any better, which is unfortunately the case for many women. Most likely, your boyfriend will not change his ways, although it would be a good idea to confront him about his behavior. He is probably cheating on you also, from the way it sounds (although I can't prove it to you). A person that loves you will WANT to spend time with you and will ENJOY it. You love him, but his actions say he does not care one bit about you.

It is up to you whether or not to stay in this relationship, but while it may hurt in the short-term, it would be a better idea to probably move on and find someone who treats you better. I did this myself and I eventually found someone better. It took 3 1/2 years, but I found someone better and I do not regret my decision at all. While it may be scary to be single, you can and will find someone better for you.

To echo evilbob, you do deserve a good relationship; everyone does. You are in complete misery in this point. Ultimately, it is up to you what to do, but you will be so much happier if you let go of this loser and move on to someone else.

[Topcat]

he made me not talk to any of my friends... . he barely has time for me. He hides his phone from me but he always goes through mine. The one day he had his phone with him a girl called him. I dont know what to do he makes me feel so unloved and unwanted. I am severely depressed i wanna go out with my friends but if i do i will lose him. he always calls me ugly and says all the things he knows i am self consious about.

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO I LOVE HIM SO MUCH BUT I CANT GO ON LIKE THIS IM SO TRAPPED AND LOST

I WANNA DIE

Re-read these words, why would you love someone who treats you like that?

No wonder you are so unhappy and depressed I would feel like you if I was trapped with a waste of space like that, he is nothing more than a bully who knows how to make you feel worthless and has knocked your self-esteem, sorry to be blunt but you need to value yourself a bit more. Forget the anxiety issue you are clearly stuck in a rut. Move on, I would rather be on my own than with a control freak.

[somessedup]

thanks for trying to help me! i know i wasnt the best girlfriend but i am so miserable and it keeps getting worse and worse. i tell him i cannot be with him but he wont let us officially break up he says just stop answering my phone calls but i cant. he just told me he hates talking to me and i look like his asshole and i told him earlier how i was getting bad chest pains and he says i hope i have a heart attack. i guess i understand he hates me cuz i constantlyaccuse him of cheating on me... but it really feels like he is but i cant prove it.

i am so lost i wanna just go to the mental hospital like i cannot deal with my life anymore. i wanna just go into a coma for a couple months or something i am so upset i cant even describe it :cry:

[Evilbob333]

This is not about you being a bad girlfriend...you probably aren't at all...he's just made you feel this way...please don't blame yourself. He has no reason to hate you, despite you accussing him of infidelity...it sounds like he's given you plenty of reasons to mistrust him...i'd probably be accusing him too if i was in your shoes.
It may feel like you cant do without him but that may be be just because you're feeling vulnerable and unloved...i'd warrant a guess that if you were without him you'd soon start feeling more confident, start enjoying life more and your anxiety would diminish.

I really would recommend speaking to someone you can trust about this; family, friends, GP, support services, even the Samaritans or some such organisation. Whatever you do, start taking matters into your own hands, when you take control of a situation its suddenly not quite as daunting.

And remember, this forum is always here if you need to offload. Best of luck.