love & anxiety such a mess!!

[brittypixi]

ALOT of people have been posting about worrying about what if they dont love their boyfriends or girlfriends and i am suffering from the same thing & have been for months, its a crazy big mess, but i know i really dont wanna be without him, can anyone offer some reassurance or advice or anything? people are also welcome to post their stories about love and anxiety!

[doonbuggy]

Hello brittypixi,

I know that anxiety is so difficult, especially when your loved ones involved. I've been with my girlfriend for one and a half years this tuesday, and i suffered enxiety for last 8 months. I've been through it all, but in the end I know I love my girlfriend, just like you know that you want to be with him, and you know you love him. By you posting this message it just shows how much you love him because you'd do anything for him, even going through the hell of this anxiety.

Within a random point of your relationship, your anxiety switch stayed at on, and with that all these unwelcome irrational thoughts it makes it so difficult.

I would say I have come out of this on top, and ive come so far. I think the best advice I can give you is believe. Because I know you believe, I can tell you can, just like I believe. What you have is love, and you don't have to prove to anyone that it is, because you know it in your heart. As soon as you start to believe, jut accept the thoughts. Fight them by accepting them as just thoughts. It's not the really you. You know you wouldn't think them, they are irrational, and the more you dwell on them, the harder it is to fight them.

I still have a few rough patches, but I don't give it the time anymore, all it is anxiety, I love my girlfriend and everything I do shows her how much I love her, and going through this anxiety and fighting it all for her... Just shows me how much more I love her. And you are exactly the same.

I know you love him brittipixi, I believe in you, you believe in you. Dont rush anything... it just takes time. :)

Take care :)

[xxfairybluxx]

Hey Britty. Im sorry to hear you're still having doubts about loving your boyfriend. You've been struggling with this anxiety for such a long time. I had the exact same thoughts as you last year (remember our pm chats :) ). I know I love him now and I always did. Don't ruin your relationship by creating issues that don't exist. I used to try to rationalise why I felt anxious (which is a big no no) and ended up pouring my heart out to people, 'I don't feel right', 'I don't think im attracted to him', 'im not ready to settle down' etc etc. I really wish I hadn't said those things now because I didn't mean them. I just wanted to feel happy and anxiety free again.
We're doing great now though. We're going to Paris for valentines day and I couldn't be happier :D.
That doesn't mean to say im anxiety free though. Its as bad as ever, but its shifted onto something else. Its so hard to think straight when you believe in your anxious thoughts. They're not the real you though. You know that you love your boyfriend but something in your head always says 'yeah but'. Just relax and think about the happy times you have ahead of you and forget about all of the doubts and the things you've done wrong. Its not a true reflection of how you feel.

[brittypixi]

thank you guys SO much for your inspiring replies, they really do make me feel a TON better and make me actually believe in myself and my relationship, sometimes i just get so anxious and just dont believe i love him at all, but if i think about not being with him it really tears me up, and i know if i didnt love him i wouldnt wanna be with him. i just get really blah sometimes, but i think it might be starting to improve and your helpful words are amazing, thank you & i hope your relationships are doing just wonderful :).

[Nicoled4181]

I realize this thread is over a year old, but I've been suffering from anxiety lately and searching for things to read to give me ideas about what is causing it and help me to feel better and I stumbled across this. A lot of what you both were feeling is what I'm having trouble with right now. I know I love my boyfriend - he was my best friend for 4 years before we started dating and is an amazing person - very patient, supportive, friendly, thoughtful, and fun - but I keep having doubts about it for whatever reason and then I get ridiculous anxiety over it.

I've been seeing a therapist for about a month now and I just started taking St. John's Wort today, but I really just want to be happy and stop ruining things with him so that we can be happy together. There is no reason we shouldn't have a great relationship - we get along well with each other and our families, we have fun together, and we respect each other. But for whatever reason I sometimes feel like something isn't "right" and then I get anxious and pull away a little, which clearly doesn't help and I would like to stop doing it.

Is there anything you found helpful that you could suggest? I would also love to know how your stories turned out. I hope everything worked out for the best.

[hesson81]

i wondered a lot about all this, wondered if maybe Anxiety made me a different person, but I said screw that, still a person. I think what you have to do is rationaly look at the relationship. In my case, I actually think it was the irrational thinking that kept me in a bad relationship. That in itself was a horrble cycle. Relationship> anger frustration over thing in the relationship>axiety> insecurity about anxiety>keeps you in the relationship>anger frustration>anxiety, and so on. You think about leaving and the ANT's come in and you don't want to leave, because the anxiety is going to get a whole lot worse before it's get's better. So in my case, I wanted to stay in a chronic/constant state of anxiety instead of put myself in a state where I would experience a massive ammount. Left, Massive ammount i did experience, that's for sure. Still there, but getting better.

I didn't want it to be the relationship, My friends family all were telling me that i should end the relationship because it was just to stressful, I didn't want to. We share kids together, which is where I think i focused my rational. Believe it or not, i was going to Therapy, and was told by a councilor, that I should cut loose. Which you would never think would come from someone like that. You would think that these people would try and keep the family's together. In my case splitting was the best thing...

I'm finding that, I think I had a little underlying fear of being alone, which i think a lot of people do. So I'm getting paper out (as corny as it is) and writing the pros and cons of both. I'm focusing on facing the fears of being alone, yea it sucks, but can't be that bad. I remember having many days when single that were good. Just this time I'm in my late 20's 2k miles away from what I call home, and I have two kids now... no family. It's tuff, i think I have lived through a lot. But as I ad rational to it all, and sit through the anxiety and do my best to not let the stress stress me out. I'm doing much better. Still gotta long road ahead of me. Good days/bad day's. Sometimes I wish they could all be bad, so then I'd know what to expect. :)
I feel like I can deal with a little bit of pain...