Newbie Here

[ozten]

Hey people, im long time stalker of this forum, but cause of the last couple of weeks i thought it be time to come on here to vent a little bit. I have had anxiety now for about 6 years at first i didnt know what the hell it was, after a couple of years and a lot of doctors visits she finally referred me to a therapist much to my surprise then she said we need to talk and really opened my eyes. After seeing the therapist for a while my anxiety was gone... altogether but after a couple of months it crept back up so slowly i didnt realise, so then i perservered for another couple of years then went back to the doc who sent me to another therapist who seemed to fix me again.... well at least for a couple of months, then its come back again.

I think that i have gotten to the stage now where it is under control, but it is still there because i can recognise when it is starting to flare up, and i try my hardest to get it under control which i can do but the thing that is driving me nuts is, I CANT MAKE IT GO AWAY and i can only seem to make it go away entirely when i have vented to a therapist, and he gets on his whiteboard and writes down everything im saying and then i look at it and go holy shit i really have nothing to worry about. I seem to be rambling and i really dont know what im trying to say i hope someone can realate. I really feel like im at the edge of conquering this but i cant seem to get myself over GRRR

[ozten]

A few little other bits of information, I work in a very macho man environment so it is really hard to talk to people about it. My main concerns are getting sick, already being sick and not knowing it, medical procedures, taking medications, that person looked at me for to long i must look sick, wait a minute maybe i am, but the biggest one of all is worrying about how bad my anxiety is, will it get worse, better, will i have an attack at work tomorrow (even though i havent had an attack in a while). I feel like one side of my head is rational and the other is retarded, and i know its retarded so why do i let the thoughts continue???

[ozten]

comon guys throw me a bone hey

[Robbed]

I can't say for sure what is up with you in terms of your anxiety disorder. But it sounds to me like the BIG problem you are having is with the acceptance of your anxiety disorder, and the symtoms. You still fear your symptoms. And you still GREATLY fear your anxiety disorder. This is a BIG part of what makes anxiety disorder linger. Furthermore, it would GREATLY help you simply to know what anxiety recovery is all about. It seems like in your case, venting to a therapist makes you feel better - at least for a while. But unfortunately, your therapist does not seem to know much about anxiety disorder. And one of the things you REALLY need to know is that recovery is NEVER a quick and easy process. In other words, you are NOT going to wake up one day without anxiety disorder. It gradually abates over time. Furthermore, what is perhaps even MORE important to realize is that setbacks in recovery not only happen. But they are the RULE. It is VERY, VERY, VERY common to feel better for a few weeks or even a couple of months, only to plunge back into anxiety disorder to some degree. And when you DON'T know that this is just the way things work, you fear you are falling back into the worst of it. This fear, in turn, guarantees that you DO fall back into anxiety disorder.

So what to do? Learn to accept your symptoms and condition. Accept that your symptoms are simply anxiety symptoms, and that they are not ultimately harmful. Know that anxiety disorder can cause a VERY wide range of unpleasant, scary, and disturbing symptoms. Accept that you will likely feel bad for quite some time to come. And accept that you WILL have setbacks - likely even after feeling good for a while. Also realize that acceptance will not come overnight - it is something to work on, but which will come easier as symptoms gradually abate. And, of course, be patient. Recovery eventually WILL happen. I guess the easiest way to put it is to stay calm and ride it out.

[joey9]

Have you ever tried to get to the bottom of what causes your anxiety? You say it started 6 years ago - did it come out of the blue or did you have signs that you were prone? If its the former then could you try to work through things that might have changed that started you to have anxiety? There have been plenty of people here on this forum whose anxiety stopped once they managed to identify a physical cause - poor nutrition/amino acid deficiency/hormonal imbalance/ear infections seem to be common triggers, and obviously stress and illness can mess you up too. If its the latter then you need to learn how to look after yourself so that an episode of anxiety is less likely. Again, I'm sure you've found plenty of posts on this forum about how to manage anxiety through supplements, vitamins, diet, self-help CBT etc. It can be a big help to get to know your triggers in advance so that you can stave off further episodes. Like you say, you know that your fears are unfounded, because once they are on the white board and someone reassures you that what you fear is unlikely then you can see it. And I know that there's nothing more frustrating than having the same fear back that you thought you got over weeks ago. Remember that your thoughts are not real. They are a symptom of your anxiety. I haven't had health anxiety but I have had plenty of crazy thoughts that seemed very real at the time but I now see them for what they were.

[ozten]

it seem to come on so gradually i didnt even notice and all come about when i moved away from home when i was 17, and trust me i have well and truly accepted it now