a very WEIRD anxiety problem

[change42008]

im pretty sure i have social phobia - but i have it for the strangest reasons.

about 5 years ago i had severe acne. at school i used to get made fun of because i wore foundation.

i met a stunning girl who liked me. but due to my sense of inferiority i never quite had the guts to follow through ever.

i then read dating advice from a person called david d angelo 3 years ago. funnily enough i stopped caring about my looks, because i learnt from here that personality can be as attractive as looks

however this is where my anxiety got to PROBLEMATIC STAGE! there was a lot of bad advice in this material. i got sucked into acting a role, and pretending to be something i wasnt. the problem was i was quite good at this and the persuasion and marketing of the bad advice guided me the WRONG way as it stems from trying to be a pick up artist.

i became obsessed in david d angelos stuff. i began to need it like a drug because it gave me this fake sense of confidence. i picked up a lot of anxiety than i had even when i had acne. i got a lot of panic attacks from it. even though i stopped reading any of it 3 years ago, i still dont know how to get rid of the anxiety.

my acne soon left and i got a lot of compliments from people saying im really good looking. even though its not good to rely on confidence just from looks, i would have been happy with this confidence initially. however im now ten times worse than before because of the dating advice. i must get rid of all the anxiety from the dating advice to continue living a normal life.

finally i know rationally that the dating advice doesnt all work. i know A LOT of things rationally now than i did 3 years ago, however emotionally i dont know how to deal with it.

what do i do? please ask as many questions as possible.

[danstelter]

Well, first of all, good job in ditching David De Angelo's garbage. While his stuff does increase the attention you receive from women, it does not really increase success. I have heard it said that the most skilled of ladies men can only be successful with 1 in 10 women. Now is a good time to figure out who you really are. You can use that playful/teasing method of David's, but be sure that you are doing because it's part of you, not because it's something someone else told you to do. Keep in mind that it does not matter who you are; there is one woman for every man in this world and vice-versa. What kind of hobbies do you have? What friends do you have? Do you exercise (a powerful anxiety reducer)? If you think you need more help than can be provided at this forum, go see a counselor. Counselors understand where you are coming from, are non-judgmental, and can help greatly (I had counseling for a while and it really helped)! There is no shame in asking for counseling! So, anyway, figure out who you are. How old are you? What is your career? Talk to you soon hopefully!

[un4ad]

I learned about David D's stuff back in 2002. It's worked for me, but only when I was in a confident mood.

I've been depressed/anxious for a while and now when I see girls I feel like I have to be cocky/funny guy, and if I'm not (I usually don't even try anymore), I'm worthless.

But it's not his advice that's necessarily bad; it's the fact that we now know what girls like and we can't always live up to it to the T.

We have to build upon ourselves and be comfortable with ourselves before we try to represent ourselves to other people. And especially with the opposite sex. Confidence is a foundation for all social interaction. It just takes time to heal and relax and feel good about yourself. It's hard not to want results immediately.

Just remember: greatness doesn't happen overnight, and there's much more to life than sex!

[toughgirl]

Hey Guy's,
From a female's perspective, we can be just as nervous as you are! All we really want is a suitable life partner. For myself ok I'll admit it looks do matter to me. But the man doesn't have to be stunning! I mainly like a man who can make me laugh, someone I feel comfortable with, who is honest, caring, loyal basically geniune and not just out to use me. So to all those men on here that are having problems talking to women, there are women out there like me who are geniune and will not shoot you down as soon as you approach them. Ok there are a lot of stuck up bitches out there, but you don't need 'em. If they are worth it they will be happy to chat with you. :)

[MikeJsimon]

Overcoming social anxiety does not happen overnight, so don't push yourself to the limit especially when you're just beginning to get the hang of it.

Aside from hanging out with people you already know, make it a point to hang out at places which are familiar to you. Don't suddenly go to a bar or to a rave party if you're not yet used to the idea. The shock of being in such an alien situation might only worsen your social anxiety.

Quoted from:
http://ezinearticles.com/?Overcoming-Social-Anxiety-in-3-Easy-Steps&id=3880108