Please help me

hi,
my name is Milly. I am 16 years old.
I have suffered from anxiety ever since I can remember but it has got worse since I did my GCSE's last summer, I dont go to school anymore because of my anxiety and I cant go anywhere. I have lost all my friends becasue I turn dowwn all there invitations to go to there houses or out shopping becasue I am so scared to go out.
I have tried cognitive therapy and have seen several therapists and hypnotherapists and they couldnt help me (one even called me a failure becasue I couldnt go shopping!).
I have been offered Prozac but I refuse to take it because I have a sensitive stomach and they make me sick and I have a fear of being sick!
Please can someone help me, I feel like I am in the wrong body and I just want to get out, I have been at home constantly for 6 months and my family just thinks that I am being silly and should face my demons but they dont know how hard it is.
They want me to go back to school next year but I cant.
And I dont know what I am going to do when I am older becasue I wont be able to get a job as I cant get out the house
Please help me,
Milly

why is no one responding? :(

[Bridgie]

Hi Milly, and welcome to the forum. Sorry we didn't reposnd earlier, we just all get on at different times.

Anxiety can be a real pain. I think in you're case, maybe you could try going out just a little at a time. Maybe just a quick walk around the block without anyone. Just start to slowly get out of the house. Then maybe after a while, if you run into a person you could say hello but not chat. Then, after that milestone, maybe the next time you go out, maybe say a couple of words to someone. I know this all seem really scary to you, but small steps in exposure to the outside world may help.

Just talking to people on this forum may help in a big way. Hope to hear from you!

[Maggie May]

Hi Milly, I'm Maggie, and I also have a fear of vomiting and social anxiety and panic attacks and all the rest.

I'm on my way out the door, so I can't say everything I want to right now but I wanted to say something so you don't feel like you're the only one or that anyone is ignoring you. This forum only has about a dozen people that post regularly, but those dozen people really know a lot about anxiety.

You really touched my heart with your story because I also had terrible anxiety in high school and a family that didn't understand, they thought I was being a drama queen, and pretty much only made it worse. I tried a ton of stuff to manage my anxiety, and I would be happy to tell you all about it in case some of the stuff I tried would work for you. There are lots and lots of ways, different meds, different kinds of therapy, exercises, tools, tips, tricks, nutrition, and more to try.

People with anxiety are usually incredibly strong because if they weren't, they would have thrown themselves off a cliff by now. ;) I know you won't give up. Tell us more about your anxiety, when, where and how it is when it's at its worse. Don't worry that you are writing too much, you can say anything here and get it all out. It's safe and we all understand.

I'll check back when I get home and write more. Oh, one more thing, I have worked with hundeds of people who have terrible anxiety and I know at least 6 other people beside you and me that have a fear of being sick to their stomach. You're not a freak! You're not the only one, I promise. :)

Back soon,

Maggie

[milly]

Hi, its milly here I had to set up a new account because my other one stopped working.
Thanks for the advice Bridgie I think I will just have to force my self to go outside.

Maggie - Gosh have you made me feel better to think that there is someone out there who understands me!
I will tell you some more about my proble as requested (sorry if I bore you)
Ok so my earliest memory of me having anxiety was when I was about five, I went to a friends house to stay by myself for the day (this was my first time) Mum was there at first and I went to the loo and had bad diariah :oops: I was so embarresed but felt really ill so mum took me home. A little while later my mum and dad where going to go to a party so they said that I should stay the night at the same girls house that I went to before, the same thing happened but mum left, I was distraught so they came and picked me up and where really angry, I remember feeling scarred and confused.
In my opinion that is where it all began but no where near as bad as it is now.
When I was at primary school I would be panicking for weeks about any school trips and would usually have a strange illness so I wouldnt go (these illnesses felt real to me I wasnt making them up).
When we were traverling to my primary school I would always have sever stomach aches when going along the road to school but my mum forced me to go thinking that I couldnt give in.
The school would ring up my mum as I would go to the sick bay feeling ill, my mum would just say that I was OK and I got these stomach aches from time to time, so the nurse would force me back to lessons where I would have a horrible feeling of entrapment. These "attacks" would happen about once every two weeks.

Then I went to my new school at 13 I was terrified, the night before going to the new school I sat up most of the night just wishing to disapear, I was so frightened. To go to the new school I had to be driven to the station and then catch a train that was a ten minute drive and then walk up the hill to school which was another ten minutes, as you can imagine these journies where hell! The first weekend at the new school we had to go on a camp near the school and stay over night! When I turned up at the station to go up to the school (we had Saturday school before the camp) I felt so sick (I wasnt afraid of being sickj at this stage) I got on the train and just bursed into teaers, there were so many older people around me staring and I was shaking, some people came and comforted me and when we got to the school the teachers wanted to send me home (I was as white as a sheet) I said that I wouldnt go home becasue then everyone would think that I was a woose and just was scared of slleping in a tent (this wasnt the case at all obviously) Anyway I did it and hated every minute of it. There was another of these camps set for the summer but about two hours away from school but mum wrote a letter saying I couldnt go and I told my very few friends that I wasnt going becasue I couldnt walk up hills (lame excuse I know).
I hated every day of school and I would usually come down with weard illnesses every month or so, and always when my mum was intending to go away somewhere, (I would get very worried if I thought that there was going to be no one at home to pick me up if I fell ill.
Anyway life went on, I kept turning down invitations to go to parties or go shopping and people bullied me and thought I was weird. I had a fear of putting my hair down (I always had it tied back) and one day someone pulled out my hair tie to see what I looked like with my hair down and I panacked they didnt give the tie back to me and I had to go to a chemistry class with my hair down, the teacher got really cross and told me to put my hair up and I had to tell him infront of the class that I didnt have one on me (I didnt want to grass the person who stole my hair tie up)

The years went by and I eventually came to my mock GCSE's in November I was very stressed but I did them and got good marks however when it came to the GCSE's I was so stressed I had a fear of being in the exam room and not being able to get out if I felt sick and imaginad being sick with everyone watching, I became ill with stress and the docters thought I had a stomach ulcer, I didnt go back to school I just stayed in bed for 4 solid months getting thinner and thinner because I would barely eat becasue of the pain in my stomach. (I am 5 foot 8 and at one point I went down to 6 stone! However I am not anerexic I wanted to put weight on)
I did my GCSE's at home.
Halfway thorough my GCSE's I came down with chicken pox and boy was it a bad case, they had to put me on this weird seditive beacause I couldnt sleep becasue of all the spots over my body, it was horrible. I was sick one night and I remember being so scared of being sick it was just awful.

Anyway the GCSE's passed with me doing them at home and I managed to get good marks becasue I had tried so hard throughout he year.
I slowly got better and got out of bed but didnt go back to school in Spetember I just couldnt go through it again.
Now I am eating so much better buit still have this fear of being sick when I eat a fair but, and I always get a stomach ache after eating so the docs put me onm meterchlopromide which seems to help I am now 8 stone.

The only intraction I get with the outside world is going outside to see my chickens (I am animal crazy)

I am just so scarred of having a panick attack in the shop and being sick it is just uncontrolable.

Every day my mum keeps saying what are you going to do in September and I know I cant go back to school but I have got to get A Levels, it is just so hard.

You are probably bored stiff by now so I apoligise.
I would love to hear about your life and how you cope.
Thanks Milly

[milly]

Oh year I forgot to say when it is at its worse.
That is probably whe I am in a shop or if on the rare ocasion my mum is driving me to a friends house.
Boy do I feel ill I am so white and I am shaking Ifeel so sick it is awfull. The only thing that takes the edge of off it is something called tapping that I was taught.
Milly

[brandøn]

Try to have a good day milly, I am new here also and just had my first therapy session last friday and go back tomorrow. I can relate with alot of your issues, mainly obsessing over upcoming events like parties etc. and I am 33. I too have weird stomach aches/illness from getting myself worked up, have one right now actually. You are not alone.

[milly]

Hi brandon, you try to have a good day too, I hope your stomach pain goes away and the therapy works out.
Bye,
milly

[jc70]

Hello Milly. You remind me of how I felt about school but it was nowhere near as bad as your experience.
It has been almost 20 years since I left school but I can still remember the bullying, (not physical, psychological), even now.
I hated going to school and quite often told my mom I was too ill to go.
Since then I have addressed these demons but they still haunt me in some way.
With regard to your situation; a big opportunity jumped out of the screen at me, your love of animals. Would you be happier going to places where there are animals? The local zoo? Even if it's on your own you would be getting out of the house. Is there an animal sanctuary somewhere which you could do some voluntary work? You would meet people with the same interest as you and that can only be a good start. If you have a love use it to help you.
As you do more outside from which you get fulfilment and pleasure the more you will associate going out and talking to people with a good feeling rather than a bad one.
I will not kid you, this may take some time but I sure it will happen.
Please, let me know what you think.

[milly]

jc70 - hat is a great idea, it is why I got my chickens in the first place, I also have a dog but I cant take her for walks becasue I am too scared to go out on my own, I wish I could go to the zoo but I panick so much that I wouldnt be able to get out, (that probably doesnt make sense) I would be OK if I could just push a button at any point and I would be back at home.
Thanks so much for your advice and when I get better I will hopefully be able to do that.
Thanks again,
Milly

[milly]

Maggie - is there any chance we could have a chat, do you have msn?