social anxiety

[petrichor]

i suppose i'm just going to jump right into it. my social anxiety has been really bad lately. i suppose the explanation for it would be i'm entering my first year of university this week. this entire summer i've been super excited about university and the thought of meeting new people but now that my first day is nearing, i am filled with nothing but dread. i had my orientation yesterday and it was completely bad because i felt like everyone was staring at me and judging me. writing this is giving me so much anxiety. i felt like i gave off some bad vibes and that people took one look at me and thought, "she seems really stuck up," or "she doesn't seem nice or cool,". i just keep thinking people are going to have a bad first impression because of how awkward i am in social situations. i can't help it, i'm just not good when it comes to new people. i constantly have this feeling that people are staring at me and judging me really hard. this sparks my anxiety and then my depression ensues. i just feel like i'm not going to make any new friends because people won't like me or my character...and i feel like my character is someone people don't like. i constantly think about who i am and whether or not i'm a good person - or someone people can take a liking to.

sorry for the rant, i'm just really anxious and depressed. i don't know what to do. i feel like bad things are coming. i feel like people are just not going to like me - if they don't dislike me at the moment, at least.

[AceParadox]

Hi there,

You know, I was almost just like you with all that. It's awesome that even though it gave you anxiety to write everything there, that you still did it anyway, that takes strength - and you know, that same strength you used to write this out, that you use to ride any anxiety out, is the same strength you can use to defeat this social anxiety.

The cool thing about anxiety (well, nothings really cool about anxiety but ya know..) is that it's a very simple enemy at its heart, and it was when I was dealing with a full-blown panic disorder years ago when I joined that I learned this.

One night, amidst a slurry of panic attacks, I paused for a like this brief moment and kinda "listened" to my thoughts. All I heard was "My hearts beating too fast...crap...crap...I feel light headed...I'm gunna pass out...That prickly feeling through my chest doesn't feel normal...scared...scared...what if..." Something like that. So I decided to challenge those thoughts, since I didn't know what else to do, and that became "My hearts beating too fast because...Adrenaline...That's the prickly feeling too...I'm light headed because....I'm breathing too fast...Hyperventilating..." as I said that, I began to feel better right away, then I thought about what scared me, and began thinking "That's silly...It doesn't even make sense. there's no evidence to validate it"

After that, whenever I'd feel anxious I'd ask "Does this even make sense? If I didn't have anxiety, would I be afraid of this?" and anxiety no longer had a food source, and it frowned, packed it's bags and left on a jetplane, not sure if it'd ever be back again. :P

Basically, you said you FELT like you gave off bad vibes, and you saw people look at you and began "reading their minds". I'm very guilty of still doing this. But, I've come to realize that people really don't give a crap about anything going on around themselves but them. Orientation is scary, it's a big step into something new, and the people there are probably more worried about how they look or what people are thinking of them to pay attention to someone else.

What makes you think you're awkward in social situations? :P Do you struggle with finding what to say, sometimes feeling it was the wrong thing to say, laughing at inappropriate times when nobody else does, pick your nose when they're making eye contact to see if you're actively listening? Haha. We are all human, everything we do is what makes us cool and unique, even little quirks we have in person. It's important again to realize that what you find wrong in yourself, nobody else really sees. Like when people say "thats a good picture of you!" and you go "yuck..seriously? My hair parted really weird there and... I've got a mustard stain on the leg of my jeans there a little below the knee." and they go "Huh? I don't see that...but wait, look at me! UGH I didn't realize I had a piece of lettuce stuck in my tooth there!!!" and you squint and go "whaaat? I can't see anything"

We think somethings wrong with us, and freak ourselves out, when in reality nobody notices those things - what they will probably notice is things you have that they may not have, and that they admire. The more we ruminate on those negative feelings we have about ourselves, the more we believe they're true even though they aren't, and we end up in a vicious cycle. Then depression smiles because they were able to mooch a free meal off their friend Anxiety, the cheeky monkey.

You're alright. Step back, take a look from this new perspective. If a negative thought comes about, challenge it - instead of it feeding off you, feed off it.

"I'm ugly" -

"Oh hi depression/anxiety, piss off, no free meal today, and by the way - I'm a sexy beast." ...

"Yikes, that girl looked at me and frowned...There must be something wrong with me, do I look mean? Did I have a resting btch face?" -

"Wait...Maybe she...her eyes are kinda red and puffy, shes not wearing makeup today...She's either been crying, or she's got bad allergies or hmm..It's probably not about me though..."

"They're probably thinking that I look like such a derp..."

"Wait...I'm not psychic, they're probably wondering if this place has good food, or if they'll be able to fit this into their work schedule, or maybe they like the band on my shirt too, but are hoping I say something first because they have social anxiety"

Anyway, hope I helped a little. Sorry for the wall of text. Feel free to PM and I can suggest some books that helped me with Social Anxiety as well.

[petrichor]

Hi there,

You know, I was almost just like you with all that. It's awesome that even though it gave you anxiety to write everything there, that you still did it anyway, that takes strength - and you know, that same strength you used to write this out, that you use to ride any anxiety out, is the same strength you can use to defeat this social anxiety.

The cool thing about anxiety (well, nothings really cool about anxiety but ya know..) is that it's a very simple enemy at its heart, and it was when I was dealing with a full-blown panic disorder years ago when I joined that I learned this.

One night, amidst a slurry of panic attacks, I paused for a like this brief moment and kinda "listened" to my thoughts. All I heard was "My hearts beating too fast...crap...crap...I feel light headed...I'm gunna pass out...That prickly feeling through my chest doesn't feel normal...scared...scared...what if..." Something like that. So I decided to challenge those thoughts, since I didn't know what else to do, and that became "My hearts beating too fast because...Adrenaline...That's the prickly feeling too...I'm light headed because....I'm breathing too fast...Hyperventilating..." as I said that, I began to feel better right away, then I thought about what scared me, and began thinking "That's silly...It doesn't even make sense. there's no evidence to validate it"

After that, whenever I'd feel anxious I'd ask "Does this even make sense? If I didn't have anxiety, would I be afraid of this?" and anxiety no longer had a food source, and it frowned, packed it's bags and left on a jetplane, not sure if it'd ever be back again. :P

Basically, you said you FELT like you gave off bad vibes, and you saw people look at you and began "reading their minds". I'm very guilty of still doing this. But, I've come to realize that people really don't give a crap about anything going on around themselves but them. Orientation is scary, it's a big step into something new, and the people there are probably more worried about how they look or what people are thinking of them to pay attention to someone else.

What makes you think you're awkward in social situations? :P Do you struggle with finding what to say, sometimes feeling it was the wrong thing to say, laughing at inappropriate times when nobody else does, pick your nose when they're making eye contact to see if you're actively listening? Haha. We are all human, everything we do is what makes us cool and unique, even little quirks we have in person. It's important again to realize that what you find wrong in yourself, nobody else really sees. Like when people say "thats a good picture of you!" and you go "yuck..seriously? My hair parted really weird there and... I've got a mustard stain on the leg of my jeans there a little below the knee." and they go "Huh? I don't see that...but wait, look at me! UGH I didn't realize I had a piece of lettuce stuck in my tooth there!!!" and you squint and go "whaaat? I can't see anything"

We think somethings wrong with us, and freak ourselves out, when in reality nobody notices those things - what they will probably notice is things you have that they may not have, and that they admire. The more we ruminate on those negative feelings we have about ourselves, the more we believe they're true even though they aren't, and we end up in a vicious cycle. Then depression smiles because they were able to mooch a free meal off their friend Anxiety, the cheeky monkey.

You're alright. Step back, take a look from this new perspective. If a negative thought comes about, challenge it - instead of it feeding off you, feed off it.

"I'm ugly" -

"Oh hi depression/anxiety, piss off, no free meal today, and by the way - I'm a sexy beast." ...

"Yikes, that girl looked at me and frowned...There must be something wrong with me, do I look mean? Did I have a resting btch face?" -

"Wait...Maybe she...her eyes are kinda red and puffy, shes not wearing makeup today...She's either been crying, or she's got bad allergies or hmm..It's probably not about me though..."

"They're probably thinking that I look like such a derp..."

"Wait...I'm not psychic, they're probably wondering if this place has good food, or if they'll be able to fit this into their work schedule, or maybe they like the band on my shirt too, but are hoping I say something first because they have social anxiety"

Anyway, hope I helped a little. Sorry for the wall of text. Feel free to PM and I can suggest some books that helped me with Social Anxiety as well.

wow. first, i would like to thank you for taking your time to write such a long response. i really appreciate it. you hit all those thoughts i suffer from. thing is, i know they are irrational. my therapist has helped me see how irrational my thoughts can be. despite this, i still have the ole "what if" thought. i have realized how horribly paranoid i have become. all my anxiety about people staring me and judging me and my fear of not making friends is gone because i have had a great few days in college. i have received compliments and made new friends! however, a part of me still questions these things. what if they're only pretending to like me? what if they're actually judging me in private? it really is horrible. and why i think i'm really awkward is i tend to ramble really fast when i'm with new people, which may make me look weird. i try my best to calm these thoughts but the anxiety is far too strong. it's just really overwhelming. and the paranoia.

[AceParadox]

wow. first, i would like to thank you for taking your time to write such a long response. i really appreciate it. you hit all those thoughts i suffer from. thing is, i know they are irrational. my therapist has helped me see how irrational my thoughts can be. despite this, i still have the ole "what if" thought. i have realized how horribly paranoid i have become. all my anxiety about people staring me and judging me and my fear of not making friends is gone because i have had a great few days in college. i have received compliments and made new friends! however, a part of me still questions these things. what if they're only pretending to like me? what if they're actually judging me in private? it really is horrible. and why i think i'm really awkward is i tend to ramble really fast when i'm with new people, which may make me look weird. i try my best to calm these thoughts but the anxiety is far too strong. it's just really overwhelming. and the paranoia.

Nice! Good to hear you're having a good time so far. Pretending to like somebody and talking to them only to snicker behind their back seems like a terrible waste of time and energy methinks :P Haha, and the rambling really fast thing? I think that'd be a fun person to be around, keeps things lively and interesting. Like in a disney movie, where there's usually always one character that's completely silly and random - most people would love a friend like that, especially more shy types who naturally gravitate to bubbly people like they're a ray of sunshine.

Seems terribly strong doesn't it? Anxiety is like a tiny little lizard behind a rock with it's shadow on the wall making it look like a ferocious dragon. A portly dewey eyed hamster is working like mad on the side producing stage effects and scary sounds to enhance the lizards act. Anxiety at it's strongest is when it's actually becoming more scared of you. Doesn't want you to realize your potential, and strength, because once you do, the games up. Keep doing your best! Keep bracing your shield against the charge. Tea's, CBT, excercise, inspiring music mixes, possibly meds - all good tools, but hope, bravery and tenacity is the core of the arsenal, and is what will be the key to winning the battle.