Life anxiety, can’t get past it

[Stellanova]

Hello I’ve been having some major anxiety relapses the past year or two. After being in therapy for years I have been able to figure out when and why my anxiety started but still not able to get past it.

About 10 years ago I lost my virginity where the guy lied to me about having an STD. I was diagnosed with GH soon after, I thought I loved him being young and naive.. soon after I developed low self esteem and a negative self dialogue. I thought the world was over and no one would love me.. these thoughts continued for years and years until a few years ago when the love of my life didn’t let that stop him from marrying me.

Even throughout the years of dating my now husband I suffered extreme anxiety to the point I couldn’t swallow or eat loosing 20lbs and having severe health anxiety where I was finally put on an antidepressant, if he had to travel or move I blamed myself because I thought I wasn’t good enough. But here we are together, :)

I am constant beating myself up. Every little thing, I use to not be like this before what happened to me. It subsided some after I got married and switched jobs and living with my husband and still on meds. We’ve been married 2 years and it’s come back again pretty strong due to a family cancer diagnosis as well as me being in my first trimester of a surprise pregnancy.

We are very excited and I’m sure some is hormones but I’ve been so depressed thinking the worst will happen to the baby or any other negative thought that comes to me. I expect the worse even though I know better.My husband is the opposite of me, I wish I could think like him.

I’m very scared I’ll always have these thoughts. I feel like I’ve done so much work towards correcting my thoughts and nothing is helping. I want to be a good mom and thought I would be in a better place mentally for everything. I just want to be happy and not scared/worried all the time. I can’t take my benzos because I’m preg and I’ve had a hard time calming myself some days. I’m still on my antidepressant with the OK from my GP, OB and psychiatrist and in therapy I just want to get past this and back to my old self of 10years ago :’(

[ivanmiller]

You mention your husband is all the opposite to you. I think you should ask him questions about your worries. Just don’t annoy him and don’t ask him direct questions like “what do you do in order not to worry?” because he’ll answer something like “I just don’t care” and that won’t help you. Asking this kind of questions opens your mind to new ways of thinking that may help you with anxiety.

[Stellanova]

Thank you. We do talk about it quite often sometimes deeper than other times. Although I grew up with faith that is his main reason he says he doesn’t worry because he can’t change it and it’s easier for him to just give it to God.. I have tried and haven’t gotten to that point. He’s very good to talk with though and brings up a lot of the same pointers, naturally, that my therapist brings up. I’m greatfull to have him but man it’s all so hard I feel like I’m doing it to myself especially when I see how easily my husband handles things. He doesn’t get it but is very understand

[Anne1221]

You are going to be just fine. Once your little baby comes, your love will overcome your fears. Those of us with anxiety issues worry about every little thing and those that don't struggle with anxiety are able to just not worry. You have to keep reminding yourself that is all going to work out and make a list of all the things in your life you are thankful for. That helps!