Am I alone in this feeling? (Please Help)

[jen1017]

So, I've had bouts of depression/anxiety/panic attacks on and off for a few years. And for the last year I thought I was feeling a bit better, until a few weeks ago.

I started getting more stressed about moving/trying to find a job. And I started to worry, and nothing was getting done so I felt more depressed.

In the last two weeks I've been having a lot of panic attacks that feel very surreal and disturbing.

And now, today, I'm feeling very strange. I feel kind of numb to emotions and I don't feel like myself. I know who I am, and I know all my friends and family, but I don't feel like myself. I feel a bit robotic, like I'm doing and saying things I know I'd do and say, but it just doesn't feel right.

I'll wake up from sleeping and kind of feel like I'm waking up into someone else's life. It's very hard to explain. When I talk about things, it feels like I'm just reciting facts about who I remember I am. I don't feel emotionally connected to anything really.

I just want to feel like myself again. This feeling is just strange and disturbing. It kind of feels like I'll wake up and it's just a dream.

Am I alone? Does anyone else understand how I feel?

[Evilbob333]

Yeah...dont worry...you certainly arent suffering from anything worse than anxiety related symptoms. What you're experiencing is known as depersonalization and derealization...it is awfully freaky and disturbing and is often described as the worst of all anxiety symptoms. I have really struggled with it over the past few months but with a bit of R & R and learning to accept the symptoms as just anxiety I have begun to move past it - and you certainly can too!

It still freaks me out from time to time but i just try to carry on with my life as best i can...i find that i dont notice it if i'm distracted.

On a side note...do you feel as if your memories are kinda fake? Thats what gets me most anxious!

Take care...you'll be fine!

[jen1017]

On a side note...do you feel as if your memories are kinda fake? Thats what gets me most anxious!

Take care...you'll be fine!

Yeah, like I have memories, but I don't feel emotionally attached to them. They could be anyone's memories. You know.

Today, I feel the most off. Like, kind of blank emotions. I never had a panic attack, but I still feel off.

Also, like, talking about how I'm feeling kind of makes me anxious too. I need to tell my therapist, but I'm afraid I won't be able to.

[Evilbob333]

Dont worry about that. I told my therapist (Im having CBT) and i was dreading her saying something like 'oh it sounds like a really severe case of.... (insert terrible mental health problem here)' but she kinda just shrugged and said 'oh yeah, lots of people say that derealization is the worst'. She was really good and understanding...give your therapist credit...she'll have heard this a thousand times and much much more bizarre!
Its good to talk about it...if you fear talking about these thoughts then you'll fear thinking them even more! They're normal thoughts and all thats happened is that you've thought 'God, this is wrong and abnormal, theres something wrong with me'. There's nothing abnormal or wrong...only the fact that you've labelled them as such. The key is accepting that these are normal thoughts and moving towards an acceptance of that. You're trapped in a cycle of panic that just feeds itself ad infinitum! You are able to break the cycle. Just tell yourself 'Its just a symptom of my anxiety, its just a normal thought, its nothing to be scared of and nothing i havent handled before and will continue to handle'.

[xxfairybluxx]

Over thinking and over analysing situations constantly causes us to feel like we're on another planet sometimes. You can be talking to somebody quite happily but as soon as you start monitoring how you feel or become too self aware, you loose concentration and can't connect with that person properly. It makes sense I guess that because you are literally stuck in your own little world all of the time that you get a sense of derealisation.

[xxfairybluxx]

Over thinking and over analysing situations constantly causes us to feel like we're on another planet sometimes. You can be talking to somebody quite happily but as soon as you start monitoring how you feel or become too self aware, you loose concentration and can't connect with that person properly. It makes sense I guess that because you are literally stuck in your own little world all of the time that you get a sense of derealisation.
Deep down we know we're being daft but the cycles hard (neigh impossible) to break ;)

[northstar]

I read this on another forum recently and you may find it helpful dealing with derealization. it's a section from a book called Patrick Holfords New Optimum Nutrition Bible. Holford has quite a few excellent books about nutrition, health and mental health. i had a good look through them at the bookshop today and they look excellent so i'm about to order some second hand copies on amazon! i'll recommend them if i find they're good :)



Niacin (B3), Pyridoxine (B6), Folic Acid or Cobalmin (B12) deficiency

You need B vitamins for your neurotransmitters, to control methylation and regulate mood, as well as to make energy from food. Some people need more vitamins than others so it is better to go by symptoms than bloods.
Here are the most common symptoms;
* Feeling "unreal"
* Hearing your own thoughts
* Anxiety or inner tension
* Inability to think straight
* Suspicion of people
* Good pain tolerance
* Seeing or hearing things abnormally
* Having delusions or illusions
* Loose bowels or skin problems at onset of mental health problems
* Difficult sexual orgasm
* Tendency to gain weight
* Frequent mood swings

If you have 5 or more, increase your intake of these vitamins for 2 months and see if you notice any benefit. As a recommendation try taking 100mg of |B3, 100mg of B6, 1,000mcg of folic acid and 100mcg of B12 or get a good quality high dose multivitamin/mineral complex.
(To tell whether yours is worth the money you’re paying for it, check the type of vit E in the preparation, if it is not d-alpha-tocepherol then don’t buy it, as this is the only synthetic form of vit E useable by the body-if they skimped on it-then what else did they skimp on?)

[jen1017]

I guess another question I have is, will this feeling eventually go away?

Or will I be tortured by it for my entire life?

Can I get back to normal?

[Evilbob333]

You absolutely can get back to normal, no doubt about it. The fact that sometimes you feel normal and other times you dont just goes to show that your normal self is still about! As you recover from your anxiety these symptoms will dissipate. Its just another example of anxious thinking that you're worrying that it'll never go! See how the cycle feeds itself?

The key is accepting and trusting the fact that these are just anxious thoughts, allow them to come and go like any other thought you ever had. Try to get on with life, dont allow yourself to dwell on or ruminate about these problems. If you find yourself sat thinking about them, get up and do something else! Distract yourself, dont allow these thoughts to be ever present. And look into CBT...its my new favourite thing! Its amazing!

[jen1017]

You absolutely can get back to normal, no doubt about it. The fact that sometimes you feel normal and other times you dont just goes to show that your normal self is still about! As you recover from your anxiety these symptoms will dissipate. Its just another example of anxious thinking that you're worrying that it'll never go! See how the cycle feeds itself?

The key is accepting and trusting the fact that these are just anxious thoughts, allow them to come and go like any other thought you ever had. Try to get on with life, dont allow yourself to dwell on or ruminate about these problems. If you find yourself sat thinking about them, get up and do something else! Distract yourself, dont allow these thoughts to be ever present. And look into CBT...its my new favourite thing! Its amazing!

Yeah, I get what you're saying. I'm actually starting to feel a bit better now just knowing that I am just feeling the effects of Anxiety, and knowing I'm not alone.

What is CBT if you don't mind me asking?

[Evilbob333]

CBT is Cognitive Behaviour Therapy.
It operates on the theory that anxiety is basically a learned response to stimuli (in this case certain thoughts, situations or physical sensations). The basic premise is that everyone has very similar thoughts (or physical sensations), the only thing that makes them frightening is the meaning we attribute to them. So for example one person might get a chest pain and think 'Aaaaaargh, im gonna have a heart attack! ' and begin to panic or become anxious about their health. Another person might have exactly the same sensation and think 'Must have a bit of heartburn' and leave it at that, or indeed, may not even think about it at all. So CBT, as i understand it (i'm by no means an expert) helps us to identify unhelpful thoughts and how we react to those thoughts and helps us to relearn how we should interpret and react to these thoughts. I hope that brief, and possibly very inaccurate explanation helps! There are loads and loads of websites on CBT and its applications, and also loads of self help books that use CBT methods. CBT is the recommended treatment for anxiety disorders and has been studied to show its effectiveness in 'curing' people and preventing relapse.
I have just had my second session and already feel so much more positive and in control than i did after 15 counselling sessions. But i guess its just about finding what works for you.

[jen1017]

I know I said I was feeling better, and I am a bit. But I still find myself feeling strange.

For example I kind of feel like I don't know why I'm getting up in the mornings, or why I'm doing anything. I just feel like it doesn't make sense to do anything.

Like when I used to think about the future I'd be excited to move out and find an awesome job and to make friends. But now I'm just like blank, I don't seem to care if I ever move out or if I ever do anything with my life.

Is this a symptom as well, or have I really broken myself?

It's a creepy feeling and it scares me. Because, what I never feel right again? I'll just be some robotic shell of a person.

[Evilbob333]

That sounds like a bit of depression creeping in. The majority of anxiety sufferers get a little to a lot depressed. In my opinion its down to frustration at the situation, the sheer amount of energy invested in the problem and also because we start avoiding doing the things that make us happy. Personally i have days when i really struggle to get out of bed...i just don't have the energy and cant face another day asking myself 'is this real?' and battling the feelings of isolation and insecurity that those thoughts bring with them.
My advice to you is just to slog on, your mood will eventually lift. Make sure you get plenty of rest and eat right. Plan nice things to look forward to, even if its just a takeaway and a funny DVD! Laughter does wonders for my mood! Look after yourself and let yourself know that its ok to feel like this, and it will lift. If you find yourself becoming really depressed then talk to your GP, and see what treatment options are available. You could also talk to your local herbalist about natural remedies if you don't fancy using prescription drugs. Try getting some exercise, its a great way to naturally boost your mood. And finally make sure you talk to family and friends...i find that whenever i speak to my mum i feel so much better, i can have been in floods of tears and after talking to her and getting it out of my system i find a new bt of strength and carry on slogging away!

I hope this helps, do keep us posted on how you're getting on.

[jen1017]

I just had another bad panic attack before I got this reply. I'm just so afraid I'm going to be trapped inside my head forever, it's terrifying. It just don't feel like I'll get better.

But in response to your reply, I've been very depressed for the past year or so. I remember telling myself I'd rather feel numb than feel the hurt of depression, but now I'd rather feel the depression than feel like this.

I just feel so lost and hopeless right now. I just imagine my future sitting in a Mental hospital staring at a blank wall. I just don't want that.

[Evilbob333]

Aww Jen, seriously...you won't go there. Thats just an anxious thought generated by your mind, its not real and its not even a real possibility. You have anxiety, you don't have anywhere near the level of illness required to be hospitalized. And just to put your mind even more at ease, virtually no-one is hospitalized for mental health problems these days (its a money saving thing by the NHS). Anyway, enough of this talk...it will not happen to you. What you need to do is just start reacting to thoughts like that with 'Its just an anxiety thought, it isn't real'.
You will move forward from this and although its difficult to take a positive view on this you just have to say 'hey ho, come what may i can deal with it'. Becasue the truth is Human beings are very resilient creatures and we can and do deal with terrible and horrific things each and everyday of our lives.

[jen1017]

Thank you for continuing to reply to my desperate states of mind. I appreciate it a lot, you have no idea.

I know I'm thinking too much about it and if I could just turn off the "you're going crazy" "you're mentally ruined" thoughts I would feel a lot better.

I feel very roller coaster like. Sometimes I can focus on something else and I feel okay, but other times I'm just constantly accessing how I feel or what I'm thinking.

Yesterday I felt pretty good, until the evening and I started thinking about it again. Now today I'm a mess.

Anyway, again, thank you it means a lot to me that you keep replying/talking to me.

[deniseg]

Please consider signing up for my coaching e-course that starts a week from Monday. I suffered from panic attacks, anxiety and depression for many years, but I am now free. You can cure yourself, without drugs, and I can teach you how.

[Evilbob333]

Its absolutely fine Jen...its what this forum and everyone here is for...to support one another. Never think that you're alone with this thing...it can be one of the most isolating things imaginable so use the resources you have available...including us!
One of the worst things for me personally is that feeling that im going crazy, or perhaps always have, that i'll never be myself again. But then sometimes i'll think 'i've just had an entire hour of not thinking about anxiety, of just being me' and so i know that i'm really fine. And the same applies to you too!
Ifyou ever want to chat in more depth or anything, feel free to PM me anytime you like...i hate to think of anyone suffering from this in silence.

[jen1017]

Thank you! I greatly appreciate the offer, and I'll keep you in mind!

Next Wednesday I'm going to see my councillor (I'm sure she's a therapist as well) and I'm going to tell her about my panic attacks and this feeling of depersonalization.

I'm a bit afraid she won't know what I'm talking about, but I'm going to tell her anyway and hope she knows what I am feeling.

[Evilbob333]

well keep us posted, and always remember that its a thought, not a fact!
Best of luck!

[jen1017]

I was doing somewhat better with my anxiety, but today I'm kind of feeling it worse.

I keep contemplating reality in my head. I keep thinking like "What is reality?" "Am I real?" etc etc

I don't know why I'm doing this. It's almost impossible for me to get the thought out of my head. So it makes me feel 'crazy' again.

I was reading about CBT, and came across OCD and 'intrusive thoughts' and I thought it kind of sounded like me. idk.

I know times before in my life I've contemplated 'life' or other things, and I could just get it out of my head. But now it seems stuck.

Why am I stuck on these thoughts now?

[Evilbob333]

Jen, i cannot tell you how familiar that sounds to me...it is exactly the stuff i've been going over and over in my mind and it is absolutely terrifying! It all started from my DR and grew into these philosophical questions concerning reality and how do we really know anything is real, etc... It drives me nuts! I think they call it an existential crisis in philosophical circles! Its horrid and makes you feel completely isolated!
Like you i used to be able to think about things like this and found it quite interesting to do so...now i cant even watch the Matrix without getting freaked out!

Strangely enough my CBT person actually said that i had text book OCD the other day...apparantly its called Pure O! Its just the obsessional thinking but none of the matched compulsions! It may be worth looking into!

The reason that these thoughts are stuck in your head is because you've given them such importance, by allowing them to scare the bejesus out of you! What happens is that your brain 'looks' for them as if they were a danger, like it'd look for cars if you were about to step out into the road! A good CBT therapist will be able to guide you through the process of removing the fearful reaction, when the fear disappears the thoughts will follow suit. Have you looked into CBT?[/quote]

[jen1017]

I have looked up CBT. It was an interesting read, but I still don't quite understand how it could work. I guess I'm not a psychologist so I wouldn't really understand it.

I still haven't seen my therapist yet, but I'll be going on Wednesday. I just hope she can help.

What if nothing helps me? ugh. I just want to be myself again.


Also, you said you couldn't watch the Matrix w/o freaking out. I've been like that for years, I can't watch movies that are 'weird' at all. It just creeps me out.

[Evilbob333]

Thats just the anxiety talking...you were yourself before you can certainly be your self again...you have anxiety, possibly OCD...nothing worse and many people who do have more severe mental health probelms get back to normal and continue to live very productive and fulfilling lives! You will certainly get back to being yourself, no doubts.
Can i just ask what format your sessions with your counsellor takes? Traditional talking therapies arent usually recommended for anxiety, and can in some cases execerbate the problem. CBT is the recommended treatment of choice.
Think of your recovery as a you would any change in your life...it's gonna take time, effort, a lot of motivation, even more picking yourself off the floor when you fall down...it's not gonna be easy but it certainly is achievable. Ask yourself whether you're willing to go through that effort in order to get back to what you consider normal? I assume the answer is yes...and all you need is the determination to just keep on going...eventually you will get there, promise!

[jen1017]

Thats just the anxiety talking...you were yourself before you can certainly be your self again...you have anxiety, possibly OCD...nothing worse and many people who do have more severe mental health probelms get back to normal and continue to live very productive and fulfilling lives! You will certainly get back to being yourself, no doubts.
Can i just ask what format your sessions with your counsellor takes? Traditional talking therapies arent usually recommended for anxiety, and can in some cases execerbate the problem. CBT is the recommended treatment of choice.
Think of your recovery as a you would any change in your life...it's gonna take time, effort, a lot of motivation, even more picking yourself off the floor when you fall down...it's not gonna be easy but it certainly is achievable. Ask yourself whether you're willing to go through that effort in order to get back to what you consider normal? I assume the answer is yes...and all you need is the determination to just keep on going...eventually you will get there, promise!

Yeah, like the therapist I see, we basically just talk. But idk how I'd be able to find a CBT therapist.

It seems unfair that this has come on so quickly, but will take so long to overcome.

I feel like I'm trapped inside my head. Does that make sense?

[Evilbob333]

Absolutely...sometimes i feel i inhabit two worlds...one in my head and one out there in the real world!
Dont think of it as taking a long hard time to get back to normal...think of it as taking time to learn about yourself, to learn new skills and become a better person, everyone i know who has had CBT says that they feel so much better in their entirety after completing their treatment than they ever did before, even before their anxiety begun.
Finding a CBT therapist can be hard...and its expensive...are you in the UK?

[jen1017]

Absolutely...sometimes i feel i inhabit two worlds...one in my head and one out there in the real world!
Dont think of it as taking a long hard time to get back to normal...think of it as taking time to learn about yourself, to learn new skills and become a better person, everyone i know who has had CBT says that they feel so much better in their entirety after completing their treatment than they ever did before, even before their anxiety begun.
Finding a CBT therapist can be hard...and its expensive...are you in the UK?

I live in Canada actually. And in a small province, which makes me wonder if we even have CBT therapist around here.

[kaialian]

That is an interesting thought about living in two worlds. I have read a book "The Power of Now" and it actually talks about the world of our mind and then the actual world. It was an interesting read.

Jen,
Good Luck finding a CBT. Since you live in a small province, if you live close to another province, perhaps you can look there too. But since it's canada, everything is far away. (I'm also a Canadian)

[Evilbob333]

In that case im not sure. Try your GP first...and if they dont help look at this website www.raising-special-kids.com/cbt-therapist.html (http://www.raising-special-kids.com/cbt-therapist.html) - theres a few leads to follow.
If not you can try
www.livinglifetothefull.com (http://www.livinglifetothefull.com)
or google mood gym...they're both self help type sites but a great place to start. Also try the Overcoming series of books by David Veale, they're pretty highly recommended.

[jen1017]

That is an interesting thought about living in two worlds. I have read a book "The Power of Now" and it actually talks about the world of our mind and then the actual world. It was an interesting read.

Jen,
Good Luck finding a CBT. Since you live in a small province, if you live close to another province, perhaps you can look there too. But since it's canada, everything is far away. (I'm also a Canadian)

Thanks for the luck, I'll definitely need it!

[jen1017]

GP? Like my regular doctor? I don't want to go to her with this, because she didn't even believe that I had Anxiety when I did. I basically had to tell her to recommend me to a therapist.


Sometimes it's strange like, at times I'll feel almost normal, but then other times I'm completely messed up.

[Evilbob333]

Let me guess...you're fine when you're not thinking about it? Doing other things? Otherwise occupied? And then when you're not occupied and you start thinking about it it all comes tumbling down and you get yourself into a right state? Is that anywhere near correct?

Sorry about the GP thing, forgot its a UK type term!

[jen1017]

Let me guess...you're fine when you're not thinking about it? Doing other things? Otherwise occupied? And then when you're not occupied and you start thinking about it it all comes tumbling down and you get yourself into a right state? Is that anywhere near correct?

Sorry about the GP thing, forgot its a UK type term!

Yeah, pretty much. Like right now I feel fine.

It's okay, I still know what you meant!

[Evilbob333]

Its called rumination...and basically means you're over thinking it. One of the key things is to avoid this rumination. If you have a distressing/intrusive thought it might help to immediatley distract yourself and not overthink the thought...this way you dont go tumbling into the rabbit hole! Eventually with CBT you'll have to look these fears in the face and learn that they're not actually that scary! But for the time being, brea the cycle by not allowing yourself to get tugged into that internal conversation and story telling mode where you start thinking what it all means and how its gonna have disasterous consequences for you!

The fact that you feel fine when distracted just goes to prove that there is nothing more wrong with you than anxiety...you certainly arent going mad! You're still the normal you when busy, so you can learn how to be the normal you when you're not busy!

[gettingoverit]

I just wanted to say to Bob and Jen that your dialog has been very helpful. This is my first post as a member and I determined that I have a problem which I will go to a doctor to learn about CBT after an attack a few days ago. I have many of the same things that you have Jen and it is very, very scary at first. I found a few things that help me refocus my thoughts. I first get somewhere quite and start drawing any object in the room, including the shading. Concentrate on the shapes of the object and how the light is hitting it. The other way is photography. I am a professional photographer at the age of 23, and I found that it is very therapeutic...to me anyways, but I believe it can help you. Just focus on the angles of the photography and the ways you can add emotion to the subject/object. There is hope and you are not alone.

I believe everyone here knows how hard it is to believe that you'll survive and be rid of this thing when in panic/anxiety mode. But you HAVE to believe in yourself and the people around you. You will be fine and I have full confidence that you will recover fully. You will always have support and you are NEVER alone. Keep posting and we will get over this. :P

[Kylie0710]

Hi,

I suffered from a couple of panic attacks earlier this year but managed to overcome them with techniques but 5 weeks ago I had one and have been suffering and getting worse since. I'm really scared that I am going to push everyone away. I mean, I'm 22 and used to really love going out with my girls every couple of weeks but now im too scared to drink as the panic attacks seem to occur the day after which coincidentally has made me scared to go out all together and its upsetting to see my friends going out and having a realy good time and they have now got to the point where they dont ask me anymore and I feel like i'm losing them.
Nobody has experienced anxiety and depression before who I know and its hard for them to understand and I dont know what to do.
I manage a department at work on my own and its a lot for me, especially with me being so young. I have been told to take time off but i'm scared that the department will go 'tits up' and with the economic climate at the moment im scared of having time off because I worry I will get made redundant.
I have been to the doctor again this morning who has prescribed me Citalopram and refferred me to a counselor. Has anybody taken this medication and will it help me??
I feel lost in my own little world and just lonely.
Hope somebody has some positive words as you are on my level
Thanks xxxxx

[northstar]

hi kylie :)

you might be surprised to hear that panic attacks can be very much related to alcohol consumption. it has to do with low blood sugar from the way alcohol burns up so quickly in your body and also when you're hungover you burn through your body's nutrients that it needs to feel ok.

if you want to read more about it you can on this thread: http://www.anxietyforum.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=4087
perhaps you could try going out with your friends and not drinking alcohol? or limiting what you do drink and making sure you take care of yourself by eating the right foods the next day?

going to see a counsellor is an excellent idea, i found it very very helpful and i hope you will too :)

[Kylie0710]

Thanks 'northstar'
It used to bother me going out and not being able to drink because I thought I would be boring and not have a good night but I realised that I can have a good time without drinking, the only problem I have is I'm too scared to actually go out now with the worry that I will have panic attacks and I will be embarassed, and after having one I feel physically exhausted and sick so it would ruin both mine and my friends' night.

Did you take citalopram? I started yesterday and I was really scared because of the side effects. I felt really sick and dizzy - is this common?

I just really want to have my life back, I dont feel myself at all! I used to be so confident and a risk taker, adrenaline junkie! But now I get nervous and panic at the slightest sound. My doctors have been awful, I have 3 in total and the 2 I seen a few times first were useless, saying it was all in my head and anxiety is something you have to get over yourself so it scared me because I'm not strong enough to do it myself. I'm seeing my other doctor now who specialises in Psychiatry and he is really good and he listens and explains everything to me and makes me feel a little bit more positive that this is something I can get over and increasingly become better.

I am really looking forward to counselling, how long am I looking at really to be suffering? I dont want to be like this at Xmas.

xxxx

[northstar]

counselling should help you with the fear of going out, it's very good at helping you to be more rational about things :) you also need to focus on not saying things like "i'm not strong enough to do it myself" - think about the negative message that you are giving to yourself with such a statement, you're telling yourself you can't do it & that's not going to help, recovering from anxiety does take a lot of effort but we are strong enough to deal with it :)

a much more helpful thing is to do is to replace negative statements like that with positive affirmations like "i am strong enough to pull through this" or simply "i am strong". a therapist once gave me a very helpful exercise to help with panic attacks - she got me to write out a positive affirmation about my strength and to put it on a card in my wallet & whenever i was feeling wobbly and panicky i took it out to look at it and focus on the positive message. another thing you can do is write out your main fears like "i am afraid of going out" and replace them with positive beliefs like "i enjoy going out and having fun!" and repeating this to yourself everyday.

i managed to come through anxiety without going on medication, i took about 3 xanex tablets when i was at my absolute worst, but other than that i was determined to pull through it myself. but i do know that everyone has different reactions to meds, so it would kind of be impossible for anyone to tell you if they will work for you. i don't know about feeling sick and dizzy, your doctor is probably the best person to ask about it :)

again the length of time is difficult to determine, it depends on the individual and the situation. i suffered with mild anxiety for about 2 years before a major meltdown and then it took about 3 months before i really came out of the worst of it and then a couple of more months of really taking care of myself until i felt much much better. but that's just me, for you it could be totally different :) once again saying things like "i don't want to be like this at christmas" is not helpful, you need to be free to allow yourself to heal properly & not try to rush things (i know it's hard though). it's much much better to just work on getting better and focus on positive things without putting a time frame on it, that way you wont be under pressure & you wont dissapoint yourself. allow yourself the all the time you need to recover & be good to yourself :) for me the key to recovery came through diet, it turned out that what and how i was eating was really really affecting me but with some hard work in counselling, diet and lifestyle changes my whole life has turned around and i'm much better! so i know it is possible to get better :) everything that helped me is included in that link i posted in my first answer, you might like to give a good read through it to see what kinds of things you can do too!

[jen1017]

I'm back. I went to my therapist on Wednesday, and I told her how I felt. She said I was in luck because she's had a lot of experience dealing with people with anxiety and panic attacks.

I told her about the surreal feeling and she seemed to understand. She's going to try to work with me, and she said she's going to have me talk with the Psychiatrist as well.

She made me feel a little better, but not much. I came home after seeing her and cried because I'm just so afraid.

I don't understand how anything is going to get my head to stop thinking about things.

I still wake up and it feels like I'm waking up into someone else's life. It just doesn't make sense. How will anything make me feel normal again.

I feel like crying all the time because I'm just so afraid.

I don't even really feel emotions anymore. Things I'd usually laugh at don't even make me smile. Or like, music that I could listen to that'd make me happy doesn't make me feel anything.

I just want to be me again. I'm so afraid it'll never happen.

[Evilbob333]

Hi Jen, sorry to hear that you're not feeling too great, but please just remember that recovery does take time and effort, dont be too distressed that you aren't feeling better straight away...it will take time. You wouldn't recover from a physical illness in a matter of weeks, and your mental health is no different.
It is a horrible condition, this feeling of derealization and depersonalization is THE single most disconcerting thing i've ever experienced and nobody who hasnt been there can understand what a scary thing it is. Just try and accept it as anxiety and fight through it.
I must admit that I've had a bad day today too...just woke up feeling that way out and got an email that nearly made me freak - someone thought it'd be a good idea to send me a link to the national philosophy week website (Head line - What is reality?Is Anything Real? - Me - AAAAAAaaaaaarrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!) and it tipped me right back into my thought spirals. I nearly left work and came home but my colleague just said...get on with work, it'll stop you ruminating. And it did...and now i'm home and drained, but still here!!! Not crazy and not dead! So it just goes to show that we all have distance to travel before fully coming to terms with this horrible problem.
Take care of yourself...you will get through to the otherside.

[jen1017]

You really think I can get better??

I almost feel like I'm depressed as well. Because I don't want to do anything and I kind of just want to sit and be idle, which is horrible because when I'm idle I start to think and then I get worse.

I kind of also dread sleeping because when I wake up I feel strange, but then I dread being awake because I hate feeling this way.