Do I have anxiety? When to get help?

[alexandrarose]

This is really long, so if you don't feel like reading I understand. I would however really appreciate some input <3

I've always been shy and had a hard time making friends, speaking in public etc. I've gotten better in the last few years by forcing myself in new situations (living abroad, going to university etc.) but I've always felt different and like I have a harder time coping than other people? I get really good grades in uni, but I still constantly worry that people think I'm stupid and it's almost impossible for me to talk in class (even when participation is part of my grade) and just last month I had to give an acceptance speech for an award I won and I spent the week leading up to it freaking out and crying and not sleeping because I was so scared. When I was in high school I had an (undiagnosed) eating disorder, I was basically anorexic and bulimic. I also cut myself for a few months but then stopped. I still have a bit of a hard time with food, but it's not about being fat like it was in high school, it's about control. I eat regularly and healthily, but this last year I started making my self puke again (I only do it when I'm really stressed to like control my emotions, so I think it's linked to anxiety). I also always feel on edge, like at any moment something bad is going to happen and I overthink everything I do and stay. My heart almost always feels like it's about to beat out of my chest, and I recently I've gotten this weird muscle tension in my arms where it feels like my arms are heavy and made of led. I also always have a hard time falling asleep, I go to sleep at 2am almost every night even if I get to bed early. When I do sleep I get really vivid/stressful dreams and almost never feel well rested. I don't think I've ever had a "panic attack" but I get these things were I'm just overwhelmed and cry for hours and can't calm down. Just last week I had to leave class because it felt like I couldn't breath and like I was having a heart attack. I went in the bathroom and sat in there for like 15 mins doing breathing exercises to calm down. In the past year I also started cutting myself again and it feels like the only thing that keeps me grounded, I just always feel like I'm about to float away or like I'm a huge failure that can't do anything right.

This was really long I'm sorry, I just don't really know how to articulate any of this as I've never spoken to anyone/a doctor about it. I've recently started to think that maybe I should go to the doctor, but I don't want to be told that it's all in my head and I'm overreacting. I also know that a lot of people have it so much harder than me, either with really bad lives or with worse anxiety/mental illness and I feel like I would be wasting resources if I went to a doctor and I don't need to.

[Rick(amateur)]

Hi Alexandra! Welcome to the forum!

This is indeed anxiety. The funny thing is stressing out for an exam is anxiety as well but people tend to not relate the two. Anxiety is part of life but those with serious issues are those whose anxiety affect their lives to a larger extent. There's nothing wrong with your articulation because anxiety isn't something so easily to be diagnosed. They only made it very easy in the movies like the experts know with a few easy tests. Real life can be a lot more complicated.

What jumped out the most for me is the

"like I'm a huge failure that can't do anything right. "

I can relate to that since I'm in university and had been failing some courses lately and grades had been steadily dropping. It's not a mentality you want to have since it affects all aspects of your life. I personally see myself as a huge failure but I define myself as someone without any real success yet. The key word is yet because I intend on achieving success one day through hard work and perseverance. I hope you get past your mentality of feeling like a failure and just work hard towards a better future. It's there but it's not an easy path.

As for talking to a doctor, it's really up to you. I deal with my anxiety by talking about my issues publicly. Others have their own methods. It certainly wouldn't hurt to get a checkup since anxiety problems can get complicated very quickly. Still, I feel that you are brave to type all your problems here since not many people have the courage to do so.

Sorry about my lengthy response! I'm happy to chat if you reply to this and I wish the best for you! :)

[gypsylee]

Hi and welcome, Alexandra :)

Yes, this could have been written by me 20 years ago. Well done using deep breathing to calm yourself down.. That's one of the best methods.

I would see a doctor because cutting suggests you need help.

All the best,
Gypsy x

[1Killerolds]

Thanks for sharing your story. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!!! You can do anything you set your mind to!! It does sound like you had a panicky attack. Great job doing the relaxation breathing!!! Everyone needs some help sometime in their life, no matter how insignificant you may think your problem is. In my opinion, it would ABSOLUTELY NOT BE A WASTE OF RESOURCES!!! Go talk to a therapist. They will most likely tell you it IS in your head....but after all, that's where your brain is!! But you are not overreacting. I think you should see a therapist or counselor, if not just a couple visits to gain some insight. Take care and best wishes.