I am a burden

[bluepaintcan123]

I just realized that I am the most hated person in my family. I'm the one that gets yelled at the most and people seem to talk behind my back more than anyone else.

I guess I can't really blame them, though. This may seem like me being over dramatic, but I manage to mess up all the time and never do anything for anyone. I never do chores and most of the

time I'm just messing around on the computer rather than doing actual work. (I actually should be working on two homework assignments right now.) I am really messy too and leave my socks

laying around all the time, which makes my mom yell at me all the time. Every time she talks to me it is either because I need to clean something up or I fucked something up, which makes me

hate talking to her at all. I just avoid her at this point hoping things will get better, because I know I can't have a good relationship with her no matter what.

Then there is my sister, of which I tolerate as much as I can. Despite her being the older sister she is almost as obnoxious to be around as I was when I was younger. Whenever she gets made at

me I want to punch her because she acts like such a mom over stupid bullshit she has no right to be angry about. I can take it if it was my mom, but I can't stand it when she pretends to act like

she is above me. (But that is besides the point that I am shitty at being a decent human being.)

I honestly can't think of anything nice I did just to be nice instead of out of obligation, and that alone should tell you what kind of person I am. I never want to go outside (which just frustrates my

family even more) and would rather be by myself than with other people. At this point I am just trying to prepare myself for when they finally get sick of my shit and send me off on my own (I

know I would.) I'm not even 17 and I already feel like a deadbeat.

I've tried to look for ways to change my personality or change my habits but none of it works. In the end, I can understand why no one can stand being around me, and I can only imagine that

they will be celebrating once they can ship me off to a university (but it would probably be a waste of money since I don't even have a major in mind. I doubt I would have very good work ethic at

a university either, and that's assuming I even get in. I literally have no volunteer work done and my SAT score isn't even in range of most of my choices for college.)

Is there any way I can separate myself from my family so they won't have to deal with me, like moving to Canada or something?

Sometimes I just look at myself and what I've done (or, rather, what I haven't done) and see nothing but a huge disappointment. Nothing I've done is good enough and I barely put any work into

school. Every day I just hear over and over about how they are so committed to school that they go days without sleeping just for one class and here I am just barely handing in what is required of

me. What a great student I am...

I have no chance of getting into a good school if I keep this up but I don't want to leave my comfort zone. This year I played for a sports team but even then I couldn't stand being outside for a

couple hours more each day. I know I was being a baby but I hated being on the team and I hate sports in general (I only did it for my college resume, and I probably will have to do it next year

too out of obligation.) I also don't bother studying half the time and I am still amazing by the fact that I haven't failed any classes. I really don't deserve the grades I have considering how I work

and I don't have any idea how I've managed to survive so far. How is it possible to have an average of 95 without doing ANYTHING worthy of being called a hardworking student? The school system

is really f-ed up if I can pass for an "honors student."

Worst of all, all I ever do is waste time, just like I'm doing right now. Rant after rant, I just want to run away from any responsibilities I have right now and just wine for attention. I can

acknowledge the fact that I do and am all these horrible things, but I never do anything about it. What can I do?

[Synner]

It's pretty clear you need to see a counselor. You have an obvious self-image issue and likely depression, which is not at all uncommon in people your age. Any age for that matter, but teens are generally even more susceptible. I would talk to your parents, try your best to explain things like you did right here, and ask them to get you some help.

[josh0745]

Agreed, my counselor opened my eyes up to a whole side of me I wasn't paying any attention to. You will be surprised at all the good you've done regardless of what you tell yourself.

[haul_k]

I know how that feel. everything sucks so bad. you feel like every single soul hates you and is out to get you. I'm sorry we go through this, but we do. you're not alone. EDM saved me from my demons. not completely, but it helped.

[Jull]

I think you should change youeself first :) I mean start doing house work for your mom, spending focus on your study... instead of complaining and getting upset :)

[Kirk]

My sister and I used to have some pretty big fights when we were young and she is 4 years younger than me.
My parents used to hollar at me too as I did not listen to them. To get away from everyone I got a job while in high school and it made
me feel better and more productive.

[metal4life]

Hi blue!

Well im not much different than you, I never go out neither, i my room is messy all the time too, homework, what is that?
I never do it and dont study much, the diference is i dont get any good grades, i dont want to study neither bc i think its
a waste of time, but i cant be siting in my room and doing nothing, im also kinda worse bc i brake everything when i am
angry, and in just a month i broke my phone, headset, keyboard, mouse, bagpack and even made holes unto the wall so...
But they dont hate me because im not bad to them if i would be like how am i right now + being a dick, oh boy i wouldnt even
have anything in my room so... And im 17 almost 18 so there aint much diference huh? aint there?

[maximadam]

It can seem like you are the most hated from your perspective because that's the perspective you are paying attention to, but you might be ignoring a whole other dimension of positivity. The others are right, see a counselor and get some advice, some support will be helpful.