CatM80
02-23-2017, 10:42 AM
Hi,
I have hit another really bad stretch and I've been dealing with depression and anxiety for the past 9 years. It comes and goes. I've seen therapists, I've been on multiple medications, I've changed my eating, exercised and lost weight but I have not been consistent with anything and I'm right back at depression and anxiety.
My first severe bout with anxiety started around the time my first child turned 1. I was a stay at home mom in a crap marriage to a fireman/musician. I was working really hard to be perfect and loose weight, be a great mom, maintain a home, be a sex kitten, and be his number 1 groupie. The first time I experienced anxiety wasn't in the usual heart racing, dizzying, think I'm going to die way.
It started in my knee. I think a psychosomatic sort f thing (although no therapist or psychiatrist has confirmed that) I could hardly walk, put weight on my knee, or be touched. Let me digress for just a minute because all of my life I have suffered from knee pain and dislocation. After a month or so with my knee in this condition I realized it wasn't truly physical but mental. This was very hard to come to terms with because I felt humiliated and afraid. Why was this happening to me. I found a therapist, worked through some problems which were mainly marital and slowly got better.
Now this has happened 4 times since with each episode lasting 4- 6 months. I am currently in an episode now. It began back in August. I became extremely overwhelmed with my life and my "crazy knee" started to do its thing again, which means I limp around badly, struggling to walk, get social anxiety, become irritable, over eat and over drink, loose interest and become depressed.
This time I know its because I'm going through a divorce, have 3 young children, and I'm starting a new career. I have a lot on my plate. But I'm trying to get better I've been seeing a therapist since all this began, I've been on medicine, I've tried positive thinking, I continue to live my life to the best ability buy doing all the things I'm suppose to. But I have no joy and its a struggle everyday just to get out of bed. I want to walk normal and play with my kids like before. I want to get over feeling anxiety when I go out in public, get over my depression and feel normal again.
I just want to move on! I am reaching out on this forum because I feel alone and defeated. I'm hoping that writing about it will somehow help me?
I have hit another really bad stretch and I've been dealing with depression and anxiety for the past 9 years. It comes and goes. I've seen therapists, I've been on multiple medications, I've changed my eating, exercised and lost weight but I have not been consistent with anything and I'm right back at depression and anxiety.
My first severe bout with anxiety started around the time my first child turned 1. I was a stay at home mom in a crap marriage to a fireman/musician. I was working really hard to be perfect and loose weight, be a great mom, maintain a home, be a sex kitten, and be his number 1 groupie. The first time I experienced anxiety wasn't in the usual heart racing, dizzying, think I'm going to die way.
It started in my knee. I think a psychosomatic sort f thing (although no therapist or psychiatrist has confirmed that) I could hardly walk, put weight on my knee, or be touched. Let me digress for just a minute because all of my life I have suffered from knee pain and dislocation. After a month or so with my knee in this condition I realized it wasn't truly physical but mental. This was very hard to come to terms with because I felt humiliated and afraid. Why was this happening to me. I found a therapist, worked through some problems which were mainly marital and slowly got better.
Now this has happened 4 times since with each episode lasting 4- 6 months. I am currently in an episode now. It began back in August. I became extremely overwhelmed with my life and my "crazy knee" started to do its thing again, which means I limp around badly, struggling to walk, get social anxiety, become irritable, over eat and over drink, loose interest and become depressed.
This time I know its because I'm going through a divorce, have 3 young children, and I'm starting a new career. I have a lot on my plate. But I'm trying to get better I've been seeing a therapist since all this began, I've been on medicine, I've tried positive thinking, I continue to live my life to the best ability buy doing all the things I'm suppose to. But I have no joy and its a struggle everyday just to get out of bed. I want to walk normal and play with my kids like before. I want to get over feeling anxiety when I go out in public, get over my depression and feel normal again.
I just want to move on! I am reaching out on this forum because I feel alone and defeated. I'm hoping that writing about it will somehow help me?